Back to the Fray!

| Mar 18, 2019
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On the way to work.

So as you may recall, I had facial feminization surgery and breast augmentation back in January. I am very pleased with the results and my recovery is now far enough along that I am ready to start thinking about joining the dating fray. Look, I didn’t transition to spend the rest of my life hugging my pillow, though I must admit that I am seriously thinking about buying a stuffed animal to keep me company at night. Maybe a teddy bear or a stuffed tiger to snuggle with. As a guy, I wouldn’t have ever been caught dead with a stuffed animal, but now that I am basically an adolescent female going through puberty, it seems like fair game.

Now where were we? Oh yeah, dating yep, I am all for it. And since time is awastin’ and I am not getting any younger, I am going to make a point of adopting some new habits to improve my odds of finding a significant other. It’s time to lay the groundwork for the next phases of my dream. Of course there really is no manual for transitioning, so I am just making everything up as I go along.

I like to create the illusion that everything is under control, that I know exactly where I am going. The reality may be I’m going to hell in a bucket, but at least I’m enjoying the ride. So here goes here’s my five step program to dating success.

Step 1 – Create a Catchy Mantra

Most people create New Year’s Resolutions. Me, I create mantras. Here’s mine”

“More dancing, less drinking, more sex, and less thinking”

First off, I love to dance, so that’s a given. Drinking less will save calories and help me to make a good impression. More sex is self-explanatory. I suppose I could settle for snuggling, but it’s my mantra and I am calling the shots. Now the less thinking part comes in because, a) it rhymes with drinking and b) I am just going to trust my instincts and keep the fun-o-meter pegged on the red line.

Step 2 – Add Some Music to Your Day

I do much better with a soundtrack. Preferably one with a good bass line. I have sub-clinical attention deficit disorder, and music helps me stay focused on the task at hand. The world is my dance floor, and since I am now officially female, I can dance to the beat anytime anywhere. “Don’t take away my music, it’s the only thing I’ve got, it’s my piece of the rock. One of my favorite things to do is recall lyrics from ‘80s songs and ponder the meaning.

Step 3 -Changing My Routine

Having been with myself all my life, I am getting bored with my routine. It’s time for a lifestyle makeover. I work in Center City Philadelphia and live in the suburbs. It’s nice and quiet out in the suburbs and my neighbors are very supportive, but there’s a much bigger talent pool of prospective dates in the City. My instincts tell me that I am much more likely to meet a sapiosexual lipstick lesbian in the City. “The lights are much brighter there, you can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go downtown…” My theory is that the happy hour crowd is far more likely to contain intelligent older singles worth meeting than the late night scene, which tends to be dominated by the college crowd. Guess, which City in America has the most colleges? Answer: Philadelphia.

So anyway, I am going to get up early and get my workout in first thing before I go to work. This will then free up evenings for FUN! I always work out in the evenings, which is fun with a small ‘f’. Okay maybe this is a stretch. Maybe… maybe I join the gym in the building where I work, so I can work out after work, shower and change into some fun casual clothes and go play in Center City Philadelphia. That could work.

Step 4 – Join a Dating Website

Ensconced in her workspace.

I’ve always been a big fan of the Sex in the City series. My favorite character is Carrie Bradshaw, who writes a column on sex for a newspaper and her stories form the backdrop for the episodes. Last night, I was watching a SITC rerun from the first season circa 1998, when Carrie first meets the love of her life, Big, played by Chris Noth. She tells Big that she is a sexual anthropologist and goes on to tell him that the premise of her latest column is “What If Women Had Sex Like Men? I have always fantasized about writing a column on dating, and I am quite sure that Angela Gardner wouldn’t mind if I take my blog in that direction. SITC predated the internet dating scene and in many ways I am an old-fashioned, traditional values kind of girl. But, frankly coming up with fun stuff to write about is not as easy as it looks, so, I am doing this all for you, my faithful readers. All three of you.

Now generally speaking, the people who join internet dating sites are interested in dating. I definitely fall in that category. There are no money back guarantees that joining a dating website will lead to a date. Two and half years ago I joined two internet dating sites, Compatible Partners and Our Time and they just didn’t pan out. For one thing, neither of these sites allows you to identify as transgender. So I wound up explaining to everybody that I was transgender in the first message exchange. That takes a lot of the fun out of it. “I am a transgender women” is not a catchy pickup line. “You want trans? Well. I am the tranniest.” “I am not like all the other girls,” Well, you get my drift. Finding an angle to soften the blow that things may not quite be like the photo is an impossible task.

Several transgender women who are veterans of the dating scene recommended that I try OKCupid. Eager to test out my new found confidence and I signed up for six months of OKCupid. I figure if nothing else, I get a few columns out of it.

Of all the internet dating sites I have tried, I like OKCupid the best. First off they let you dial in your gender tag with over 20 different options. Then you can choose to be included in compatibility searches for men or women, or double your fun and pick both. And you can change it on a whim at the push of a button, or shall I say click of a mouse. This comes in handy for those of us who are riding the HRT rollercoaster and discovering new elements of our sexuality that have long been suppressed.

Overall, OKCupid is very intuitive and easy to use. And it has over 30 million users. You can choose to answer all sorts of questions to fine tune your matches if you wish: favorite pastimes, movies, politics, pets, vacation spots, you name it. You want to label yourself as a Nazi, lesbian Eskimo, go for it: It’s all about Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of the opposite sex…or the same sex. It’s up to you. And remember, ask not what your partner can do you for you, ask what you can do for your partner.

Step 5 – Go Out on Dates

News Flash! Last Sunday, I had a meetup with a guy I met on OKCupid. We met for coffee. Well, actually I had a coffee and he got a diet Coke. While I am not sure that he’s the one and he still hasn’t called me, I definitely learned from the farewell kiss that I am into guys. Perhaps, I overdid it on the “don’t give away the goods too soon vibe.” Now I have taken the burning question of whether I am into men or women out of the theoretical stage and into the field testing phase. As several of my confidants who have met their honeys online have told me, you might have to date a lot of people to find your match. While my earlier experiences with internet dating seemed futile, I am optimistic that OKCupid might be my ticket to my “and she lived happily ever after romance.” Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul

Lynda Martini

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