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Transgender Anxiety in Cali

Amanda F. Steele | Oct 29, 2018 | 2 Replies

Amanda F. Steele has been in California for some time. Her hope when she drove there was that she could find a place in San Francisco and possibly take advantage of the state and city’s transgender positive attitudes. Instead she soon learned that living in the city was too expensive so she had to go further east for anything in the way of housing that was almost affordable. She has a retail job and a roommate who is needy. She suffers from anxiety and want to leave but the prospect of leaving adds to her anxiety. Today she files her latest report on her state of mind.

Why am I still here?

Amanda F. Steele | Sep 3, 2018 | Reply

If you’ve been following our west coast correspondent Amanda F. Steele’s posts for the last few years she has been living in northern California where she gets by on a minimum wage job while she fights with anxiety and keeps leaning toward going back to the east coast. In today’s post she again wonders why she stays there. She lists the positives and the negatives and talks about her state of mind. Will she make the decision to pack up and head east? Read on and find out.

Wildfires and Anxiety

Amanda F. Steele | Aug 6, 2018 | Reply

Amanda F. Steele continues to wrestle with her anxiety. If being exasperated by her hormone treatments? Is it just due to the instability of her life in California? What ever the culprit is it has Amanda in its grasp and will not let her go. Read her report today and if you want to offer counsel or advice use the comment area at the bottom of the post.

Debilitated in Cali

Amanda F. Steele | Jul 9, 2018 | Reply

The drug Amanda was taking to ease her anxiety started to seem as if it was giving her anxiety. To try and feel like herself again she stopped taking it and then the intense anxiety she that had made her go on the drug returned with a vengeance. She had been making plans to pack up and return to the east coast but this renewed anxiety made it hard to just get through a day, let alone plan a big move across the country. She started taking Lexapro but it’s been 17 days and she is not getting any relief from the anxious, debilitated-feeling that has her in its grip.

Anxiety in the Sun

Amanda F. Steele | Jun 11, 2018 | Reply

Amanda had been taking Cymbalta to deal with her anxiety problem. Sometimes the drug would make her feel sleepy and other times she would experience a bit of depression. Concerned with these side effects Amanda sought information and came across a Cymbalta support group online. They convinced her to do something she now admits was stupid. Following their sage counsel she decided to stop taking her medicine. She tapered off the dose slowly, even opening the capsule and weighing the grains to take less and less. Now she is in the grip of anxiety again and it is stopping her from following the plan she made to leave California and return to the East. Get more of the details in her blog, Anxiety in the Sun.

When Anxiety Attacks — Again

Amanda F. Steele | May 14, 2018 | Reply

Every since Amanda moved to northern California she has had problems. Finding affordable housing, having to put up with crazy landladies, and enduring the trials and tribulations of a job in retail. All of that and perhaps a longing for the east coast gave her anxiety. Medication for anxiety had side effects and withdrawing from medication proved to be harder than it should be. Today Amanda blogs about where she’s at, what she has to deal with, and what may happen this summer.

Message From Walnut Creek, Ca.

Amanda F. Steele | Feb 19, 2018 | Reply

Amanda has made some changes recently as her California odyssey continues. She has reason to be optimistic since her new living situation is saving her money and the stress factor of current home is vastly diminished from the level it hit in her old place. So that’s all good, but, she is having trouble weaning herself from an anti-anxiety medication and that along with longing for the east coast is making her anxious. Get the latest from her personal blog.

Shock The Monkey

Amanda F. Steele | Dec 4, 2017 | Reply

Amanda has a problem with anxiety. She likens it to a monkey riding on her back, getting fatter everyday and going from just weighing her down to jumping up and down on her, making loud monkey noises into her ear. It is so debilitating that she was unable to write her blog last week. She has filed it late and we bring it to you today. It’s all about her fight against the evil anxiety monkey.

Anxiety Storm

Amanda F. Steele | Feb 20, 2017 | 2 Replies

Tonight was a rough night. It was bad enough that it made me break into a hard cry. Work is definitely an anxiety trigger for me. I realize this. My retail job puts me right in the middle of hordes of people. That is very hard on a person who fights anxiety. Today it was […]

Above the Fray . . . Far, Far Away

Amanda F. Steele | Oct 31, 2016 | Reply

Today in her personal blog Amanda talks about her day to day routine and what the possible causes of her anxiety might be. She feels that one of the big things is uncertainty over pursuing reassignment surgery. Should she go for it when she has anxiety? Is surgery the right path to take? While she feels daily anxiety she feels she is not operating at 100% — and that causes her more anxiety. What she would like to be is far, far away, flying above the fray.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Amanda F. Steele | Jul 11, 2016 | Reply

Decisions, decisions. Amanda has been living in northern California and trying her best to fit in. At heart she is a western Pennsylvania girl, more used to the muggy summer heat and lush greenery surrounding the confluence of the Allegheny and Manongahela rivers, where the Ohio river is born, than she is with the dry desert on the outskirts of San Francisco. She has days when she is convinced she needs to pack up and head back east. On other days she feels that she should stay in the west and make things work. Today she posts a question to everyone, should she stay or should she go?

People Make the Difference

Amanda F. Steele | Dec 28, 2015 | 1 Reply

Amanda has been dealing with intense anxiety. For some reason she can’t shake it and it is worse at some times of the day. Is it the thought of gender reassignment surgery getting near? Is it being away from her family in a far off land? Could it be her discomfort with her retail job, or her economic insecurity? One thing has helped her through the holiday season. Read on. . . .

My New Battle With Anxiety

Amanda F. Steele | Nov 30, 2015 | 1 Reply

Our last report from Amanda was about the fun she had going out for Halloween in San Francisco has Elsa from Frozen. This month’s news is darker in tone. Amanda is struggling with anxiety. Is it due to medications she is taking as part of her hormone replacement therapy? Did it make sense to quit taking anti-anxiety medication? Is the stress of being alone in a place far from your home, or concerns about GRS to blame? Read her latest blog entry and take a moment to wish her well in the comment field.