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Author Archive: CateOMalley
I am Cate, a mature transgender woman. I am a writer, blogger, parent, grandparent, sailor, activist and happy. I am a widow, and live with my yorkiepoo, Belle. I love music, reading, cooking, outdoors, DIY, theater, antiquing and flea markets, home brewing, and seeing what is around the bend in the road or over the horizon.
I own the MatureTransgender.com website. It is an outreach, support and resource for mature trans* people and especially for those who, like me, came out after fifty.
Cate O’Malley has been a contributors to TGForum since 2014. Her posts have brought us useful information, entertaining notions, and some chuckles now and then. This will be Cate’s last post on TGForum (unless she is inspired and has internet access) as she takes off to hit the road and travel the land. Many thanks to Cate for her contributions. She ends them today with a post on the necessity of helping senior members of the LGBTQ community. It’s a good idea as we’ll all be there someday.
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When you’re used to being treated a certain way it’s easy to forget that you are being given credit for you Caucasian maleness. Doors open for you and regard for your knowledge and skill in all areas is taken for granted. But what happens when you go from male to female? Doors may open for you but that’s because you’re a lady and gentlemen will grant you the favor of holding the door. But suddenly all the knowledge and skill you have in areas such as home repair, automobiles, and other stereo typically male interests is no longer acknowledged. The “little lady” must need help. See how Cate O’Malley handles patronizing men.
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Cate O’Malley was moved to write today’s post when she read about the suicide of a promising young trans woman who seemed to have everything going for her. She had the support of her family and friends, was taking hormones and had her surgery scheduled when out of nowhere she took her own life. Cate wonders why she would chose to go through that one way door into eternity, and she wonders how many other trans people faced with more negativity than this girl dealt with have also contemplated taking their own lives. It’s not a cheery upbeat post but it is something we need to be aware of and try to prevent.
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Now that Cate O’Malley doesn’t have to go to the office every day and pretend to be a man she has the freedom to dress as she likes. You might think that she would spend her days in feminine frills and flouncy dresses. Skirts and high heels with lacy tops and the proper accessories. You would find, if you chanced to visit Cate in her Florida home, that while she is 100% woman, she is practical about her attire. A linen frock and high heel sandals would not be appropriate for cleaning out the gutters. Oh, sure. Cate and her wife could dress up for evening outing. With all the things to do around the house does she really have the energy to gussy up and go out?
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Cate O’Malley made a different kind of New Year’s Resolution to start 2018. Rather than resolve to stick to a diet or become a more responsible consumer, or cut back on imbibing alcohol or avoiding toxic people, Cate decided to resolve to stick to some fundamental principles to live by. Today she blogs about the three things she deems most important in living life. You may get a hint at what they are from her blog title.
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Last month Cate O’Malley wrote about the worry she had when she was young that her need to present as a female might mean she was gay. She withstood taunts from bullies who called her derogatory terms for homosexual. In her confusion she thought that maybe the bullies were right. Finally she came to understand that she is not a gay man. She is a woman. This month she wonders if, since she is in a romantic relationship with another woman, her wife, does that make her a lesbian?
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When Cate O’Malley insist she’s not gay she does admit that since she’s married to a woman there may be some lesbian tendencies. What she means is, when she started to examine her gender one of her first thoughts was if she was a gay man. It’s easy to imagine that with all the publicity the gay community has gotten that one could equate their need to be feminine with being gay. But gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. See why Cate knows she’s not gay in her blog today.
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After waiting fifty-plus years to transition Cate O’Malley wanted to get her hands on a trans rule book. She wanted some kind of guide as she set out on her gender journey. What she found did not seem adequate. There was the WPATH Standards of Care and Ethical Guidelines but that seemed long and complex. Not what she was looking for. Somehow she found the right path to her goal and in the process ended up following most of the WPATH guidelines. How does she new feel about the idea of a Transgender Rule Book? Read on!
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Cate O’Malley is retired, her wife is retired, and currently they are on their big adventure of driving around the southern states from campground to campground. While Cate identifies as a “girly girl” she really wanted to go on his trip. That has meant that there were some necessary adjustments to he usual wardrobe and grooming. High heels and dresses don’t work that well in a muddy camp ground. And while she’s used to Chanel No. 5 her current cologne is Eau du Bug Spray.
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Cate O’Malley, with a hurricane looming on her doorstep, took the time to send us a blog for today’s New Content. In it she talks about the heroes of the trans community who have put themselves out there and advocated for change in an effort to make all trans people’s lives better. She also talks about the new trans activists who are making their voices heard. She believes that now is the time to fight harder to hold on to the gains we have made in recent years. The political climate has grown colder for trans people and we are under constant attack from right wing religious organizations that want us to disappear from the face of the Earth. See what Cate recommends that you can do to make things a bit better.
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In 1968 Cate O’Malley enlisted in the United States Coast Guard. While she was not “out” as a trans woman she volunteered to join the military and serve our country. Now she finds herself decades later being told that she and her trans brothers and sisters are not wanted in the United State armed forces. She has some words for our Commander-in-Chief in her blog post today.
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Cate O’Malley has always dreamed of taking off and traveling across the country. She wants to see those parts of our nation that she has only flown over before, and to make it up close as possible she wants to camp her way across the land. Not just “camp” but “glamp,” which is a mashup of “camp” and glam.” She and her spouse have taken some short trips in their area to try out the glamping experience. Read on and find out what she learned about life in the great outdoors.
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R.e.s.p.e.c.t., that’s what Cate O’Malley is talking about. Why can some men be such jerks online? Cate has had far too many online interactions with men who think every girl wants to see a photo of their manhood as soon as she responds to their first email. Cate has a way to deal with the pushy guys and she talks about it in her blog today.
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Cate O’Malley is a trans lady who is active in her community and who goes out and about quite a bit so you just know that she’s going to have to make a stop in the ladies’ room now and then. While Cate is a law abiding citizen who observes the speed limit, doesn’t shop lift, or deal drugs, she is classified as a lawbreaker in her home state. Why? It’s the ridiculous law that says people can only use the restroom that matches the sex on their birth certificate. Cate has a lot to say about those laws and the conservative men who write those laws.
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For a long time Cate O’Malley tried to be a good trans person and educate the unenlightened about trans issues. She would answer their questions, even the awkward ones, in hopes that she was helping to spread awareness of what life for trans people was like, and hopefully, make some other trans people’s lives easier. But after awhile the questions started to get tedious. Especially the core group of questions she just will not answer anymore.
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Due to the nature of the trans/crossdressing community over the past few decades people often don’t learn that a friend from their crossdressing life has passed away — one day they stop seeing their friend at the usual places, the local TG-friendly club, or at the annual crossdresser weekend getaway. Many in the community separate their two lives and never reveal their male self to their female self’s friends. Today Cate O’Malley talks about a trans friend who passed away. Cate was fortunate to learn of her passing and attended the funeral — only to find a strange man’s body in the casket.
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Trans children are gaining more recognition in the world but there are still far too many who are experiencing rejection by their families, bullying and harassment from their peers and many end up homeless. Cate O’Malley feels it’s up to us, the members of the trans community, to treat these children as if they were our own. She feels it’s up to us to lend our experience and information to the kids and to any parents, guardians or agencies tasked with helping trans kids.
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Cate O’Malley has a few friends who have decided to give up expressing their true selves and go back to living as males 24/7. None of them are doing it willingly. They fervently wish they could continue to be who they really are, but circumstances in their lives have forced this decision on them. Cate shares her thoughts on how hard it must be to deny your true nature after being able to express it, at least part time, then going back to expressing your gender facade. She has advice for those faced with this decision and advice for others in the community who may not look at these people’s decisions kindly.
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At the beginning of every year many people use the rolling over from one year to the next as a time to make New Year resolutions. Cate O’Malley doesn’t have a list of resolutions that will probably stop being resolved within a few months of 2017. Instead she has a list of wishes. Things she would like to see happen in 2017. Read on and see what her wishes are.
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Cate O’Malley was out and about and the sights and sounds of the season were everywhere. The sleigh bells jingling, the jolly old elf laughing, “Ho, ho, ho.” And the winter fashions that were all on display. Fleece lined leggings and puffy jackets with warm scarves and silly knit hats in festive colors of the season. She hurried home to see about her cherished winter wear. And there is all was, ready to keep her warm and fashionable through the depths of winter. But then she remembered something….
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November 2016, has been designated as Transgender Awareness Month to help raise the visibility of transgender and gender non-conforming people, and address the issues the community faces. The intention is for all of us to use this time to build our voices into one load call for awareness, understanding, education, acceptance and inclusion.
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There are all sorts of words for it; getting read; being clocked; being made. They all mean that while we are out in public someone has looked at one of us and said, “That’s a man.” Most of the time they try to be discreet as they nudge a companion to point us out. Sometimes they proclaim their discovery in a loud voice. Whenever it happens it’s painful. You try to do your best to fit in as just another lady but there is something that is giving your gender status away. Sometimes you just want to run home and hide in the closet. Today Cate O’Malley has another idea. Give her a read and see what you think of her response when she gets read.
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What’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do? Cate O’Malley believes that it’s coming out as trans. Today she blogs about a book and TEDx Talk by a straight man who, as an experiment, “came out” to his small religious community as a gay man. While he conducted his year-long experiment he was met with all of the reactions from friends and neighbors that you might expect, from being ignored to being the object of anger and scorn. All of that is pretty darned bad but Cate feels that it might just be harder to come out as trans. See what you think after you read her blog.
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Accentuate the positive! That’s Cate O’Malley’s message in today’s post. After a lifetime of problems related to being trans she’s arrived at a point in her life where she has accepted who she is and is enjoying her life to the fullest. She’s doing what she wants and being who she wants to be. What about people who look at her and judge? That’s their problem. Cate is just enjoying the ride.
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Testosterone is not an Italian pasta dish. It’s a hormone most commonly associated with the development of male sex characteristics. At puberty the male body begins to produce more testosterone and with that body hair, a deeper voice, smellier sweat and larger muscles. And yes, a beard. For trans girls the advent of the changes brought about by testosterone can be a severe trial. Today Cate O’Malley talks about testosterone poisoning and how it affected her.
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For over 100 years breasts have been uplifted by a noble garment that is the foundation of a successful woman. We’re talking about the bra. The brassiere. They lift, separate, pushup and add shape to the breasts of women all across the world. But it seems, if we are to believe Cate O’Malley, that it’s a love, hate relationship.
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