Grouse Alert! Questions I will Not Answer

| Apr 24, 2017
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Over the past ten years I’ve been asked a lot of questions. Early on, I told myself I was going to be honest and forthcoming with answers about gender identity, Trans* issues and the challenges we Trans* people face when asked. I fielded every question, even those that made me feel uncomfortable, but I said I was going to give an honest answer to an honest question and I did. However, some people abused the privilege and I’ve stopped being such a gracious Transwoman. I’ve always been a bit of a contrarian, but lately I’ve become a full-blooded smartass. Thus, the Grouse Alert! (complaining, not the bird) So, in no order, here are a few questions I will not answer.

Are you sure you’re not just confused?

Why do some people think, just because I’m not like them, they believe I’m ‘confused’? My original answer was to describe my own soul searching, hours and hours of therapy, consultation with doctors, and so on to get to where I am happy with who I am. Now I tell them if you’ve ever endured hours and hours of electrolysis on your face, you’re not confused, you know exactly what you want.

Why don’t you just buy a Corvette?

Of all the mid-life crises, I could choose from, why in all that is holy would I pick this one? I wish a shiny red Corvette would have cured me of a lifetime of dysphoria, but there wasn’t a chance in hell. I tell them I’m not having a crisis, I’m finding myself. 

Are you gay?

Sometimes I wish I was gay. It would be so much easier. People seem to find it more understandable that you are attracted to a person of the same sex then having an overwhelming desire to live as your true gender. I used to give the gender identity vs. sexual orientation speech, but I’m tired of doing so. Now I just say, “I don’t know. I’ll ask my wife? She’s the smart one in the family.”

Why are you wearing a dress and a wig?

If you give the speech about presenting as your true self and the therapeutic effect that it has on you and they look at you like you’re trying to explain quantum physics, give up. My stock reply now is I like dresses, they are extremely comfortable, you should try it. So far, no takers. I explain the wig by telling them my grandfathers and father didn’t like me, gave themselves male-pattern balding to get even with me and now I’ve got the curse.

Did you cut off your penis?

This is the ultimate “none of your damn business” question. It’s only come up a couple of times for me, but I’m still shocked people would be so bold. I tried the first time to give an answer about how that was an invasive question and we don’t like it. The second time I looked at them in disgust, shook my head in disbelief, told them it was none of their business, turned and walked away.

Thankfully, I’m getting less and less of those questions and more and more of the “Where did you get those shoes?” “Where do you get your nails done?” “Wanna have lunch?” And my favorite question — “How do you think the Florida Gators will do in football this year?”

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fun & Entertainment


About the Author ()

I am Cate, a mature transgender woman. I am a writer, blogger, parent, grandparent, sailor, activist and happy. I am a widow, and live with my yorkiepoo, Belle. I love music, reading, cooking, outdoors, DIY, theater, antiquing and flea markets, home brewing, and seeing what is around the bend in the road or over the horizon. I own the website. It is an outreach, support and resource for mature trans* people and especially for those who, like me, came out after fifty.

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