Spotting the “Red Flags” in Dating

Miss Nirok

While everyone has their pet peeves they don’t want to see in their potential romantic partners, there are common “red flags” or turn-offs it’s important to spot in the range of first few dates. It is important to see the common red flags in the first few dates because let’s face it: experience is good, but who wants to waste time. While in this short article, I will not cover all of the red flags you should look for, I will rather cover the top items that I can relate to based on my experiences.

Communication is one of the keys to any successful relationship. That’s a fact. It’s a red flag when communication is absent. Communication is the source of laughter, sadness, excitement, misery, and the lack of communication causes isolation — who wants to talk to a brick wall? Take aside flirtation, witty comebacks, and simple small talk. Focus on the way that the two of you meet for another date, given you’ve made it past your first. Focus on whether or not your partner comes to you with an update or some exciting news or just wants some comfort after a difficult day or week. Knowing that they want to open up to you, you can tell they are interested and feel that you care about what they have to say. You should be the same way. Take initiative and it will make them feel secure with you.

The last sentence brings me to my next point — taking initiative. It’s a red flag when one does not take initiative — little if any at all. Anybody can be boring or be bored. But the question is: do you want to be? If not, taking initiative and getting your partner excited about something will give them the genuine impression that you are putting in effort to make your relationship work. The last 10 ladies, before the one I’m currently dating (as of this article), pretty much expected me to do all the work — come up with date ideas, ask about how their day was, tell them something interesting, etc. Relationships are not supposed to be difficult. If the burden of being the one to always take initiative for your lazy date becomes heavy, my advice to you is: run like hell. If the two of you strike a nice balance of the “workload” that your relationship requires, both of you will feel secure and confident that the next date and the date after that are coming for sure.

And the last, but not least important detail to watch out for when dating is the personality. It’s a red flag when your partner tries to change you or you try to change your partner. Remember, you are dating the person you see before you and not the person they can be in 5 years from now. Your goal is to date them because you like who they are now. Don’t try to change one thing about them and don’t give in to them changing one thing about you. Not even one thing. Whoever you are that is reading this article, just know you are beautiful, you are smart, you are the perfect person that you can be and don’t let anyone tell you differently. People do change and they change by growing over time, so it’s your job to let the changes occur naturally and sequentially instead of initiating them yourself rather quickly and systematically. Also, when you try to change the person you’re dating, you risk pushing them away and that is not something you want to do.

To recap, my top three things to watch out for in dating are: 1.The level of communication between you and your partner, 2. How much initiative you take and how much comes from your partner, and 3. Dating someone for who they are and not who they can become, based on your needs.

Tags: dating, featured, partners, relationships

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