“I’m Not My Father’s Son”

| Feb 29, 2016
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“I’m not the image of what he dreamed of.”


I’m not my father’s son

I just went to see the Tony Award winning musical, Kinky Boots, this week. It is a MUST SEE! Especially for us in the Trans* community. The most poignant scene in the show is when our girl, Lola, sings to Charley, I’m Not My Father’s Son. The second line, I’m not the image of what he dreamed of, hit home for me. It got me thinking about my own parents aspiration for me and, like Lola, I’m sure the person in the photo at the left was not who they thought about when they wondered what I would become. It’s been a long time since I was a boy, even so, I find myself wondering if they would be disappointed or accepting, supportive or disown me. I’ll never know, but I like to think they would have loved me even through it all.

I’m not the Dad my kids dreamed of

If I’m not my father’s son, them I’m might not be the dad my children imagined when they were talking with their friends on the playground in elementary school. I know I wasn’t the husband my dear wife imagined. My sisters are confused by trying to understand, bless their hearts. Through it all, they’re supportive.

Billy Porter in Kinky Boots

Billy Porter in “Kinky Boots.”


Human nature being what it is, we are all looking for acceptance, especially from our parents and children. We want to be appreciated and valued by our employers, loved by our families, and desired by whoever turns us on. We want to be exactly what someone is looking for. We want unquestionable and unshakable love.

I am the person I want to be

What is most important for me and, I believe, for all of us is to love ourselves. We’re going live in our skin for a very long time. If we are unhappy inside, how can we hope those who we love will accept us and love us back. It takes a lot to get to where we accept and love ourselves. I know for me, it’s a work-in-progress. I also know that without it, we are in for a long, lonely life.

I’m not my father’s son

Am I what my dad imagined? Somethings yes and somethings no. The most important thing my Dad wanted for me, and what I also want for my children and for all of us, is to be happy. Happy with our lives and happy with ourselves. So like Lola and Charley during the finale of Kinky Boots, let’s strap on our heels, put on our fancy gowns and dance.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion


About the Author ()

I am Cate, a mature transgender woman. I am a writer, blogger, parent, grandparent, sailor, activist and happy. I am a widow, and live with my yorkiepoo, Belle. I love music, reading, cooking, outdoors, DIY, theater, antiquing and flea markets, home brewing, and seeing what is around the bend in the road or over the horizon. I own the MatureTransgender.com website. It is an outreach, support and resource for mature trans* people and especially for those who, like me, came out after fifty.

Comments (4)

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  1. Elayne261 Elayne261 says:

    Very nice Job writing this piece. I can relate to the work in progress statement. That is what life is all about. We are each unique works in progress. Enjoyed the article.


  2. jan brown jan brown says:

    I also Kinky Boots this past Sat. and it was fabulous. I’m assuming you saw it in NYC or Florida. We had a whole group of 18 attend and we all enjoyed it. Huggs, Jan

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