10 Tips On Transgender Etiquette
(Bala Cynwyd, PA) As one of the leading transgender surgeons in the world, Dr. Sherman Leis has counseled hundreds of families on how to best relate to a family member who is a transgender person. One of the most challenging periods is during the time when they are first publicly confirming their transgender identity to family and friends. Below, Dr. Leis shares some of his most valuable tips about etiquette and support.
Said Dr. Leis, “Although this is by no means an exhaustive list, these tips are important to enhancing a long-term familial relationship. In fact, some of these tips can even influence life and death, as transgender people who live in a caring, supportive environment can be as much as 15 times LESS likely to attempt suicide, suffer severe depression, and engage in dangerous drug use, than those in an unsupportive environment.”
10 Tips on TG Etiquette and Protocol
- Treat trans people as they want to be treated. Take a lead from them. Often this starts by having a frank discussion about how they feel about being themselves, and what they want out of life.
- Encourage their honesty and support it.
- Show them affection and respect.
- Support them when they encounter other family members or friends who are not supportive or even tease or harass them.
- Encourage them to attend family events as they are, and support them there. Don’t ask them to keep their identity a secret in the family or shy away from family interaction. They may be pleasantly surprised to receive the love and support they get offered.
- Even if you have negative issues about their being transgender, don’t nag them about your feelings or be otherwise negative. It will merely drive them away.
- Encourage their meeting other transgender friends and participating in events at transgender organizations.
- Refer to them by the pronoun they prefer — he or she.
- Be sure they feel valued. Being valued by family and friends make Trans people learn to care and feel more value for themselves.
- Refrain from blaming the trans person for discrimination or Harassment that they receive.
Dr. Sherman Leis is one of the world’s pre-eminent transgender surgeons and founder of The Philadelphia Center For Transgender Surgery, in Bala Cynwyd, PA. It is recognized as one of the leading facilities in the world specializing in gender reassignment surgery. It was founded to be a single source of information and expertise in medical care for the transgender individual. The Philadelphia Center For Transgender Surgery offers a uniquely supportive environment where one can connect with Dr. Leis’ surgical and non-surgical team of dedicated specialists – surgeons, psychologists, endocrinologists, aestheticians, speech therapists, legal experts, and others.
Category: Transgender Body & Soul
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Have to agree with Graham. I think that is the second time. I hear hundreds of stories and most don’t have happy endings, particularly concerning wives. The UK seems to be a bit more broad-minded, but in the U.S, it’s open season on anybody that is different. I am amazed at the filthy tongues that people have and they seem to think that treating people as sub-human is OK. Society to my view is becoming less polite and less civil. I was the reality was as the author suggests, but it isn’t
The families and friends that Dr. Leis gets to meet are the ones who are already supportive of their TG relative or friend. They want to know how to conduct themselves around their loved one in another gender. But as you say, society at large still has a way to go.
As a crossdresser who suffered for fifteen long years at the hands of racist, homophobic, and transphobic parents, I find this article trite at best, even insulting. It appears to be based on the fundmental assumption that the family member concerned is at least partially supportive of their trans relative. This might well be the case in some instances nowadays, but it’s by no means universal; in any case, there remains a legacy of possibly millions of transpeople out there who were emotionally and physically damaged as children. Why does Dr Leis think that my own area of expertise – crossdressing – is still such a deeply closeted activity, surrounded by taboos, myths, lies and pornography, rarely discussed or seen in public, and the target of cruelty, abuse, and discrimination?
In particular, the phrase “even if you have negative issues about [your family member] being transgender (sic)” shows how out of touch Dr Leis is with the real world. If a parent has such negative issues about a crossdressing child, for instance, they’re most likely not going to want to talk about it at all, never mind defending their child’s trans status against the abuse of others. And as for the aggrieved and betrayed wife of a crossdresser, how does kicking her husband out of the marital home, denying access to his children, and filing for divorce, fit in with the “show them affection and respect” suggestion? Or with “be sure they feel valued”? Or with “refer to them by the pronoun they prefer”? Never mind “he” or “she” – the pronouns that initially spring to mind will certainly be unrepeatable in polite society.
And they’ve let Dr Leis loose as a counsellor on behalf of transgendered people? Sorry doc, but unless you’ve been there personally and experienced the depth of fear and hatred first-hand, you can’t possibly know what you’re talking about.