General Discussion of Transgender Issues

[SteffiPia]

Hallo zusammen ich leide seit 2012 an Depressionen seit 2018 geht es mir besser jetzt hatte ich mehrere Tage mit Heulen verbracht und hatte auch wieder suizidgedanken kommen meine Depressionen zuruck oder werde ich weicher durch die Hormone
vielen Dank Steffi Pia

[andream2fdream]

Just saying an introductory hello. Not sure how active the site is these days, but I wanted to say hello — maybe meet some people and learn about how my authentic self can shine.

I hope you are all staying safe and healthy in these challenging days.

Andrea

[Anonymous]

Hi!

I’m a little shy about new groups after so many bad experiences. I’m banned at Susan’s. I probably broke a rule. Generally, no one has said they relate to my experience, so far.

For me, the model of a woman is a mother. I don’t think about trying to look like a fashion model. I’m celibate. I’m head over heels in love with a woman born with female parts. I want female friends, or trans people who share my experience. I’m turned off by trans people who attack “feminists”. I’m “a feminist” before I’m trans.

I’ll stop with that, for now.

Love,
Kendall

[Anonymous]

So…

Something I am very interested in is transitioning, mentally. I read “in a different voice” by Carol Gilligan about the differences in language use that she observed interviewing men and women (cis). I’m still reading “women’s ways of knowing” which is based on a survey also.

My attempts to discuss this with trans women on twitter and another forum did not go well, to put it mildly. There is the idea that we “are women”, which is certainly true in a sense, and there are groups focused on discriminating about transgender people who’s terminology is everywhere.

But, for me, I am “in transition”. I am “becoming a woman”. What I did not find from any fellow trans I am finding in odd places. For example, on youtube, there is a woman who’s channel is about “femininity” and “home making”. The overall message is deeply sexist, I think it is fair to say. But, she does address the concept that there is “the feminine” and it is learned and inherent but needing to be discovered.

Anyway, if anyone knows what I’m talking about, the person is Cynthia L on youtube and I recommend watching some of her videos.

I would love to hear from others who haven’t just snapped their fingers and become a woman, but who have transitioning as a plan.

Kendall

[Halapeno]

My wife of 40 years just passed away so I no longer have a reason for postponing my transition. I am 70 and would like to have GRS as soon as possible. At my age I don’t see any reason why I should have to wait for RLT to get permission to transition. Does anyone know of a doctor (maybe Thailand?) that is willing to bypass the SOC for elderly patients?

[jo10460]

I just turned 70 today, so I think I am qualified to answer. I had GRS in Feb and FFS 3 weeks ago. I wish I had done this 30 yrs ago. I went to Mazzoni in philly for counseling and hormones and they are really informed consent and will give you a letter after a while as I don’t think you’ll find a doctor in the US to do the surgery without such a letter.

Kendal

[WildeGeist]

This is what I want for Halloween, this guys whole rig. Nobody would ever hear from or see me again . I would go ape shit non-stop until the grave with this thing https://youtu.be/JL6BRF0h-6U

I get a lot of notices in my email with links to discussions I want to interact with but the links send me to empty fields? I do not know how to find the discussions. Anyone desire to tell me how? [email protected] Thanks.

[WildeGeist]

Just speaking for my Self, and hopefully this helps YOU. For me I battled many decades worrying about definitions and technical details. The whole man vs woman thing. The six months leading up to my HRT ( hormones ) I was sweating bullets about being confronted with folks demanding I provide my ” Pronouns ” . It was more painful those six months than the decades of hiding in the closet or wondering what I am. Now I am almost 3 Months into my Transition thing. My breasts are growing much more than anticipated or heard of. Hair and nails. But all that aside. Before HRT I was obsessed with makeup and ” girl stuff “. The shopping for shoes. The hours doing makeup and looks. But the day I started hormones that obsession ceased. I was able to relax. I am able to sleep. I am not so worried about being looked at as a man or woman. I feel HOMOGENIZED as both and more. A whole being. At the rate my physical looks are changing I think I will look very woman-ish. I imagine I will still think about the same; so my self perception is I will be a highly modified dude. My hanging parts I am going to lose them regardless from infection and injuries while in the Army. So I will go with the whole woman plan as I agreed upon at the start. I guess what I am saying is profess whatever and if you feel a need for transition do not put it off. I am not a doctor but have been studying neuroendocrinology as a hobby mainly because in my PTSD Groups since 1991 I noticed every soldier and veteran that started HRT was basically cured of PTSD and I truly believe that our bodies try to do all it can on its own to light up that Estrogen, but beliefs and worries of what is taught about Gender and sexual orientation ( which orientation ought to be a completely other subject not necessarily a transgender thing really ) these false beliefs and concerns bring on a lot of torment and anguish. I am so happy now not giving a hoot about having to feel like I have to immediately declare my Pronouns, or jump into a BOX. I AM ME. Ultimately I think that is most important. So it is my opinion if you are here in this Forum say Transgender, try it out. Try EVERYTHING. Go with whatever makes you happiest. And be flexible. Do not make contracts. If something rubs you wrong drop it like its hot! The Great Prophet and Sage Jimmi Hendrix said something to the effect, ” I have my own life to live. I am the one that is going to die when it is time for me to die. SO LET ME LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT TO.” I think those are valuable words Hendrix said. If someone addresses you as dude and it hurts, correct that person. Learn to stay on top of being assertive. Many of us on these paths have not been good at being assertive. Assertiveness done right prevents conflict and anger. BE YOU! Whatever that is, it is your call. Nobody else’. And strive to be happy with that YOU. My opinion.

[WildeGeist]

I think I am figuring it out. I found myself.

[daynicapaige]

It’s good that we are talking about transgender issues as it’s own topic apart from LGBTQ issues which are not the same at all.

This is exactly what’s wrong with the transgender movement:

Foreword:

No adversity is meant toward the gay community in this opinion piece.

I have been transitioning from male to female for almost two years now, and I’ve witnessed what I consider to be the implications of what could be a potentially genocide within the so-called “gay community.” in years to come.

Transwomen are displaced within the LGBTQ community and this will lead to more trans suicides.

The suicide rate for transgender people is a staggering statistic that I need not mention, because as we all know; transgender people have a very high risk of killing themselves. What’s worse is other people within the LGBTQ community including gay men, do not represent trans culture. It turns out, the queer community does not have a whole lot in common with us, thought they at one time faced the same struggle. Therefore transwomen have very few outlets for support.

I’m not saying that people within the queer community do not empathize with us, simply put, they do not face the same challenges of survival that transwomen face. A gay guy can get a job pretty much anywhere nowadays and so can a lesbian or anyone else within the spectrum, that is…except for transwomen.

There is no community for trans people yet.

This is not the fault of queer folk and their community, it’s also our fault. Transwomen have failed to come together as their own community and willingly alienate themselves from each other because of learned behaviors that are reactions to how society treats us.

How did this happen?

Well first we must consider how queer communities’ function. There is such a small percentage of gay to straight people in the world. Non-heteronormative people must find very subjective scenarios in which they can meet with their fellow community. Usually bars and businesses within the hospitality industry are the only place that queer people can go to where they know they will be unanimously accepted and will have a chance at finding more like-minded individuals. The problem with queer folks only having a handful of places to go to meet, is that bars and clubs are very niche by nature and do not whole-heartedly accept all who come. Therefore, individuals who seek others who are the like-minded, must first be accepted by the establishment and social circuit of the queer folks, before they are allowed to enter the “gay community” which nowadays seems to me to be just a catch-phrase that is tethered to the social clique that claims to be it.

It has been detrimental us transwomen having been lumped in haphazardly with gay men and gay women who are simply put, different than us and us transwomen face urgent and unique struggles that they do not face anymore and have not in decades. In my experience gay men and women, generally don’t understand trans issues as much as they would like to think they do, to no fault of their own as they are not trans people. Having said that, I am not mentioning female to male trans-persons because females can become passable with hormones with much greater ease than a man can become a woman, also a woman is generally allowed to look like a guy in society already.

Since the queer community is so tight-knit, belonging to it is a popularity contest and nothing more. There is an incentive for gay folks to be critical when deciding whom they deem may enter their exclusive and coveted community, as a newcomer may threaten their volatile position within the clique that they’ve jockeyed so hard to achieve.

So, where else can transwomen meet besides gay bars?

It is unacceptable still, to be a trans person and especially a crossdresser in this world, unless of course you are “passable.”

“It’s 2020, what do you mean that it’s unacceptable to be trans.” You might say.

Guys, do me a favor. Go put a dress and some makeup on and try to find a job and then tell me that it is acceptable. People say it that doesn’t matter what others think and to just be you. Well, it actually matters to the point of life and death. If you don’t get work because you are not passable but identify as a woman, you end up on the streets and then you either die from poverty, kill yourself, or contract HIV from hooking; which is the only real job for transwomen besides porn (unless you were grandfathered into your current job, that I guarantee loathes the fact that you still work there and that there’s nothing they can do to get rid of you.)

Since transwomen are reduced to using sleezy hookup apps in order to find one another, if they attempt to do so at all, there is real missing sense of community. On these sites, transwomen basically work as escorts or camgirls, because being transgender – they are unable to obtain regular jobs or virtually any work that is not sex-related.

If you are a fellow trans and try to reach out to other trans on these sleezy hookup sites, the chances are that you will not get a response of any kind from your peer who is just there to work. I have not seen a desire for transwomen to have any connection with others alike in such sites, in my brief experience as a transwoman on such sites.

Transwomen treating each other like human beings is counterintuitive to our nature now as we have been programmed by society to accept being treated like dirt, and when you feel like dirt, you don’t have the self-esteem or will to lift others up. I fear that transwomen are beginning to see other transwomen as they might see themselves. Worthless.

A transwomen communicating with another transwomen, does little to validate their identity as a sex toy for men and could even compromise their self-image, if they feel inferior to the transwoman they are communicating with in some way and thus instead of coming together in one of the only places we can find each other, we avoid interacting with one another and are instead competitive because of this toxic mentality.

There are chatrooms for trans people, but anything political is strictly prohibited. This makes no sense to me as we are at a time in our history where our sect of society desperately needs to be organizing with one another and not just following those who do not understand or have our needs.

I’ve seen other transwomen being standoffish to each other too many times to remain silent about it. I understand it though. Transwomen treating each other like human beings is becoming counterintuitive to what we have been programmed to believe by society. On a large scale, the only economically viable utility a transwoman has to offer society is sex. We now accept being treated like dirt by the people we have no choice but to entertain in order to survive, and when you feel like dirt, you don’t have the self-esteem or will to lift others up, which us transwomen so desperately need to do for one another but alas, it seems that transwomen see other transwomen as they see themselves – as worthless.

The gay community has failed at making being a transwoman or male crossdresser acceptable in society, we are merely tolerated. Just because gay men put on drag shows, it does not mean that they know what it is like to live life in those clothes and it’s like calling a Mexican person Brazilian just because they are both south of us. I’m not saying that queer folk have an obligation to us to change the world for trans people, but it is offensive to see them march every year for freedom for LGBTQ folk during the embarrassing shit show that is pride and accomplish zero political or social change with the effort. Every year there’s a new parade for the community in cities all over the world and not a damn thing has gotten better for people like me. If the gay community used the man-power and finances they have for Pride on raising the issue of transwomen being unable to make a living in this country unless they become a prostitute. I would argue that an African American man in the 50’s had a significantly higher chance of finding work of any kind than a transwoman does in America today. We face discrimination every day to a similar degree that an African American person did in the 60’s and that is unacceptable.

If you don’t understand what I mean so far, you are probably not trans or you are and are passable as a female.

If you are a man and you are reading this, go put a dress and some makeup on and try to find a job and then tell me that it is acceptable to dress in women’s clothing. It is worse than having a face-tattoo and five felonies when looking for work. People say it that doesn’t matter what others think and to just be you. Well, it actually matters to the point of life and death. If you don’t get work because you are not passable but identify as a woman, you end up on the streets and then you either die from poverty, kill yourself, or contract HIV from hooking; which is the only real job for transwomen besides porn (unless you were grandfathered into your current job, that I guarantee loathes the fact that you still work there and that there’s nothing they can do to get rid of you.)

If you’re trans and you’re reading this and it makes you angry, I’m sorry but please express why! Maybe you feel like you let yourself and your community down by not engaging with your peers and you might feel embarrassed for buying into the competitive rat-race of being accepted in a community that doesn’t quite understand you Maybe after you read this, you will take the time to give extra effort towards your sisters or brothers who reach out to you because, whether this is a rant or not, you know very well that your actions may be the last straw for someone who is considering ending their life because they have no place in this world….yet.

I’m calling for transwomen to come together as a community and to realize that the LGBTQ community has failed us and that we are failing ourselves. I am asking my fellow transwomen to become okay with having a political dialogue, because this world does not accept us yet and it is time to find our voice.

[Katia003]

Wow, I forgot all about this place. Hi Angela! It’s been a long time. I often think of those days back at Renaissance and our meetings. I’m still Gloria and some members of the family know of my existence and my days on the board at Renaissance. I don’t make it out these days but I still manage to keep Gloria satisfied because I basically have and wear women’s astroworld merch clothes all the time, including when I go out. I wear jeans, shorts, T-Shirts, undies, shoes, watch, small hoop earnings, etc and I don’t look like I am in women’s clothes but in my head I know it.

[Anonymous]

Hi, my name is Raemy. I would like some advise on what I need to say to the therapist so I can start hormones and continue my transition. I have already seen one therapist and she wanted me to attend group therapy. When I talked with her I explained that I was not interested in group therapy. She directed me to find another therapist. I did find a second therapist and my session is next week. Any advise would be appreciated greatly.

[vanessa2021]

Hello,my name is Ivan and thats my story:
once i lived in a good city named Donetsk in a good country named Ukraine
i was born a boy but later year after year i was sure that im feeling myself like a girl.
and belive me i began look like a girl too. My parents reaction was surprisingly good. they started to buy clothes and toys for a girls 🙂
Other people reaction was okay.no one offended me
But my life is currently ruined atm.

As i said i live in Donetsk and in 2014 the civil war started in Ukraine and Russia occupied my city.
My father and mother worked in the airport.26 may 2014 they were gone.Air bombing. U can goodle what happened on this date in Donetsk
I barried my family and life in my sity is like in USSR.i work as a tram driver to somehow survive with my cat.other work is not available for me.
attitude has changed dramatically.the military began to threaten me, ordinary people began to be afraid to treat me normally
i just want to be free and escape from this “dead town” and start a new life

Im currently trying to learn english to ask for help from people who can understand my situation so i sorry for all mistakes i made.
If you have read up to this point, then I beg you for help, since I no longer have anyone to ask for it
Any material help is appreciated. I have only webmoney system because Russian providers blocked all others.
Z206737866044

we all deserve a chance and this is my only one..

[Anonymous]

Hi. I’m Rae. Today I am waiting for my second part of my gender assessment interview. It been a long, slow process with frustration and joy. My new therapist is awesome. She has really helped me by listening and understanding. She already referred me forward for hormone treatment and today we will discuss ankle the needed surgery that goes with my transition to female. I’m so excited!

[Dairon]

Hello everybody

My name is Dairon, Im a Psychology student from Spain, and Im not trans but Im very curious since my degree barely gives any information about transgenders (or transexual as we say in Spanish, same concept). So I want to improve my knowledge about this and get to know better the transgender/transexual phenomenon to properly understand you people, and in case some day I have a trans child I get some drection to be as good father as possible.
Ill say Ive been for a long time surfing the internet, talking to psychologists, even to a trans women association and moving between left and right wing political groups to get arguments and scientific information. Studies, and post mortem neuro studies too. After all this reading and talking and discussing, I got to the conclussion that I can not believe that you can change your genre, because you never end up being that genre, you cant live the experiences of, for example, a woman because you will never know what is like to have your first menstruation, pregnancy, etc. There is no way to put those life experiences right into your brain, and let alone the topic you must know about physical and chromosomes, and you have to put your hormones and dilate your vagina every day to prevent it from closing, things that a cis woman dont need to do. So,
-how do you know you are a woman or a man?
-where does that feeling comes from?
-taking into account all the things you have to give up, like fertility, a natural beauty (all trans Ive seen have very recognisable faces, specially women so you get recognised on spot), difficult to find a stable partner, mental disorders which Im not sure if all come from discrimination because of a study from Boston I read long ago, etc… isnt it easier to go to therapy to learn to accept your identity, without harming yourself with hormones and surgery?
-Do you make a difference between trans who transitioned, and those who just changed their identity? I know some Australian athlets who changed their identities to aprticipate in female sports and they are just abusing their male muscular power, and I find it very unfair for those female athlets.
-about non-binary: where does it come from? nothing Ive read about it have scientific proof, all the evidence says there are only 2 genders and you have some gender identity, despite you reject it which in most cases Ive observed the person disagrees with their actual cultural view over their genders, so anyway he/she is either a male or female, and I see many trans get identified with this. Its because of transitiong that you get doubts about your identity?
-last question: is trannie a slur? or a normal word to refer to the trans community?

Ive asked many things for the sole purpose, as stated previously, to inform myself better from actual people who are trangenders or are in the way, and become a better psychologist in the future despite I dont plan to specialise in clinical or gender. I just want to know more and know better. Hope I havent offended anybody, and even I disagree with you, my disagreement doesnt come from hatred or negation: trans are people just like me, and have feelings just like me, I dont find offense or attack in their life election and I respect them as humans theyre.

Kind regards from a Spanish college student
Dairon

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