Thoughts From the Spouse of a TG

| Oct 5, 2015
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Hello I am Sara. I am a member of TransCentralPA. I am the SO/Spouse coordinator.
I thought I would write about some of the things that bother the wives/so’s.
You may think this is trivial but to the spouses of the transgender population this is important.

Now why would I be the person to write about this well it is because I live this on a daily basis.
My spouse is Transgender. We have been married 15 years. Most of the years I knew about the Transgender side of him/her but he was able to tuck it away. I contemplated divorce as I wasn’t sure I could deal with it. It wasn’t any easy time .

When I decided to deal with it I went to a TransCentral Pa meeting. At that point they had no so/wife support. So I became the support leader. That’s what I chose to do. So that’s my story.

Now I am going to tell you what your spouse needs to hear if there is going to be a relationship of trust between you both.

First of all you need to tell them you love them and you know this isn’t easy. That together you can compromise.

Also no more lying about where you go, what you do, and how you feel. These ladies need to trust you. Shopping and hiding the things isn’t appropriate.

Just like you deserve respect — so does she. To be perfectly honest we worry when you go out. We aren’t sure you will be safe. I know it’s a blast to go and party but if you have a spouse at home think of how she feels. She is scared. All sorts if things go through her mind. Hiding things from her breaks the trust. Stop DOING that. It pisses her off. Shutting down your computer when she walks into a room drives her nuts. If you want your marriage intact you need to change a few behaviors. If you don’t then I can’t help you. But if you do I suggest you heed my words. All the spouses/so’s hope to stay in their marriages however not all can. Don’t make your marriage another statistic.

Marriage takes work. She may not understand what you are going through and trust is the greatest gift you can give each other. Please remember you took your vows on the day you married. Now you are on a path of a different type. Take the time to love and enjoy each other as well as taking the time to give her to understand what transgender is all about.

Regards, Sara

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul


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  1. tasidevil tasidevil says:

    I fear you have just touched the tip of the iceberg, Sara, and while trust is essential in the marriage, with or without the crossdressing, there’s much more to it. I hope you will take the time to explore this issue in much more depth. In the interim, TGF readers should check out Terri Lee Ryans column, Shades of Gender, on Chicago Now, as well as my own extensive section on what the wives think in the transgender resources in the Library of Sister House