The Crossdresser’s Wife — The Whole Truth

| Mar 10, 2014
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Social media headlines about gender issues such as crossdressers, transvestites,  transgenders and transsexuals, keep running across my computer almost every day. Some things are changing, while others are not.

This is one sizzling issue that so many are discussing — tragically without much real knowledge. The myths are perpetuated — while many facts are hidden from the general public.

Whose responsibility is it to educate society about the TRUTH around these murky, ambiguous conditions? Collectively ours, since we are living it or living with it … right?

Why do I have to be the bearer of the bad news all the time on the Cross Dresser’s Wives Forum? Your wives THINK they just found out that their husbands are crossdressers — then, after they discover your feelings of being trapped in a woman’s body with male genitals — I have to be the one to drop the bomb that their husbands are NOT crossdressers, even though they are crossdressing. Instead, they are transgenders! BIG Difference! By definition, someone who is transgender is one who believes that he or she is trapped in the body of the opposite biological sex.

For most of those TG WIVES who had little to no clue as to your gender preference — they are not prepared in any way to learn that the truth is worse than they thought. At least with many crossdressers’ wives (CDW) they still think that they can change your crossdressing ways by trying to entice you with their own sexy, silky, raunchy (etc.) lingerie and wild sexual encounters. However, we know now that this is far from the truth, since crossdressing has NOTHING to do with the wives — neither do your feelings and desires of wanting to be women.

How many have been able to be more forthcoming to the woman they married and committed to love and cherish? What are you waiting for? Another baby? Next year? So you could save up enough money to begin transsexual procedures? Unfortunately, too many of you have waited too long to live a truthful life. If you are looking for the right time to tell … the right time is BEFORE MARRIAGE! And if you did misrepresent yourself and married her first — then the responsibility of revealing as early as possible that you are actually a transgender (who of course crossdresses too) lies with you. And the time to tell her is NOW!

Your Favorite Cross Dresser’s Wife,
Dee A Levy, MA
The Cross Dresser’s Wife *Our Secret Lives

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion


About the Author ()

Dee A. Levy is the former spouse of a crossdresser. She has a BA in Women Studies and MA in Social Sciences and Comparative Education. She is the author of The Cross Dresser's Wife -- Our Secret Lives, available at, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, &

Comments (4)

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  1. Dee, your postings would more accurately be described as the “Crossdresser’s Angry Ex-Wife.” There is more than a little deception in the title of your blog. Not quite the “whole truth” is it. No longer being with the CD in question pretty much eliminated the “wife” title – unless it’s like a mayor or a judge, and you get to keep it forever. You are kind of our worst nightmare – judgmental, wrong and self-righteous. It comes through loud and clear.

    TG Forum – shame on you for posting this stuff. Her perspective is erroneous and perpetuates the stereotypes you claim to stand against.

    • angela_g angela_g says:

      We try to keep TGForum an open forum where people can discuss and express all points of view on TG issues. Dee’s POV is one side of the CD wife experience and if we can learn anything from it, it’s that honesty is very important if relationships are to be maintained. To balance Dee’s POV we sometimes carry posts from members of a wives support group in central Pennsylvania that is supportive if TG and CD spouses. If you disagree with points of view expressed here please continue to do just what you did. Use the comment field to express your opinion.

  2. Dee, once again, you have completely missed the mark on reality. I know I have told you before, but some of us told our wives before marriage, even before proposing. When I exposed myself to my future wife, she said “It’s totally fine.” Once we were married, oops, not fine. It seems the focus of all of your posts are the dishonesty of those of us in this situation, but you consistently fail to acknowledge that there are some of us who “tested the waters” first, only to come up gasping for air later.

    So what do you think of a situation where the person born a male who identifies as female openly communicates that to the significant other female prior to proposing, only to find out that the genetic female only pretended to feel like it was okay to get the male to take the next step? (Only to propel him into an eternity of hell). I have very strong familial instincts, so I am not going to wreck my family over this, but it is 100% unfair to me to push total blame for my alcoholism, which equals repression, on me.

  3. Wow – I would disagree with some of that Dee. My experience, first hand of course, is that transgender represents a spectrum. To suggest that you’re either a crossdresser or someone who, “By definition…believes that he or she is trapped in the body of the opposite biological sex.,” is just plain wrong. There are as many flavors of transgenderism as there are girls who define themselves as such. In fact, the standard definition of transgender is, “denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender.” This is hardly being trapped in something.

    Also, I take issue with the idea that to not reveal yourself prior to marriage is a “misrepresentation”. These are big issues, and few have a firm grasp on them at the time of marriage. How can you misrepresent what you don’t understand? If you marry as a Protestant and evolve into an agnostic did you misrepresent? You probably knew all along that there was something that didn’t quite feel right to you, but that’s not a misrepresentation. Self understanding frequently involves evolution. If you completely understand yourself out of the gate, you are rare indeed.