Tell Shelley Anne: An interview with Felicia Jeen

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Felicia Jeen

Felicia Jeen is a 63-year-old transgender woman born and raised in New York City (NYC).  Her entire business career was also experienced in the Big Apple. And as you will learn, for Felicia, if you can make it there (NYC), you can make it anywhere. 

Moving to New Jersey in the late ’80s to raise her four children Felicia truly worked in a man’s world. Construction as a foreman, supervisor and project manager made up Felicia’s resume. Today, she works part-time estimating for a wide range of construction-related projects. 

Felicia refers to herself as a transgender woman because that is what she is even though she does not always dress or outwardly appear as a woman 24/7. She used to say gender fluid but realized that did not really properly define her.

“Just because I have to dress like a man most of the time does not make me a man,” says the strikingly blonde-haired Felicia. She has been on natural hormones for one year and recently started taking prescription hormones to go 100% forward with her transition.

Divorced in 2005, in 2007 Felicia began dressing and going out in public as a woman quite often. And as she says, “it came very natural for me.” By 2010, she was ready to begin transitioning fully when, like with so many families, misfortunes entered her life.

“At that point I did not care about living and forgot about transitioning” says Felicia, fighting back tears. “I put Felicia away for what I thought would be forever, then married again in 2012.” Fast forward six years and in 2018 Felicia was resurrected and she quickly became more than just a passing fad. Soon after, she came out to her wife. And according to Felicia, her wife continues to be extremely understanding, supportive, and open minded. “I am grateful for her as she is of me and where my transition takes us, well, we will both deal with it as time goes on.”

But the life of Felicia continues to be a challenge. “My biggest obstacle in totally coming out is for concern of many of my family members. Today, only a select few know about Felicia. “I am working on that as I go forward,” notes Felicia. “I work extremely hard on my appearance including a proper diet to look as good as possible. I am thankful for the many friends I have and the freedom to go out as I please. I am an extremely easy going, positive, and fun person, and I can honestly say I enjoy every minute I am out as Felicia, whether it is partying with my girlfriends, out shopping or out on a date with my part time boyfriend”

“Sexually men are my first choice, and I would describe myself as a straight bottom but will be with other girls if there is a strong attraction,” Felicia revealed. “I do enjoy sex but being out as myself and doing all the routine things ‘normal people’ do is so much more important to me. I simply love life and being a girl.”

TGForum: At what age did you start to feel feminine and knew Felicia was fast approaching.

Ms. Jeen: For as long as I can remember I admired my mother’s beauty. As time went on I realized it was not simply because she was my mother but she was truly a beautiful person inside and out. Her beautiful smile and pleasant personality just magnified her flawless looks from head to toe. People loved her and I was so proud to call her my mother. She was by all means a ‘girly girl’ that other women admired. And you would never see her in public without being dressed in the latest fashion, along with the perfect accessories and perfume. Even though she had perfect natural features she was meticulous with her makeup, right down to her fake Marilyn Monroe beauty mark. As a little boy I remember watching her put on her makeup while loving her smell and saying, ‘mommy you are so pretty’. That beauty would be etched into my memory forever. I would never have the opportunity to see her fading beauty as she passed of cancer at the young age of 49 as beautiful as ever. I was only 21.

As I grew into a preteen my appreciation of her femininity, I also grew along with the love of her lingerie. My first experience with masturbation was wearing her silky soft baby doll dress and that would be my only means of masturbation throughout my teenage years, but not without guilt. I had girlfriends and lost my virginity at 15, but still loved that feminine feeling. Growing up with those feelings in the late ’60s and into the ’70s was far more unacceptable than today and the thought of becoming a girl would never be realistic, so I decided I would put that away and become the best husband and father I could be. I married at 21 and lived as a good father and husband for the next 25 years with a healthy and faithful sex life. I divorced in 2005, and after raising four wonderful children I decided it was my time and began dressing femme in 2007. It quickly became very natural and comfortable to go out in public as Felicia. By 2009 I was seriously considering transformation until 2010 when tragedy hit my family. At that time, I had a hard enough time surviving and keeping myself strong for my children, forget about even considering a future as Felicia. I would go on to marry again in 2012 and at the time believed I would be putting Felicia away for good, that was until she was resurrected in 2018 with a vengeance and now stronger than ever.

TGForum: Despite fears of sometimes less-than-helpful responses from others in society, being true to one’s own orientation and identity can often make people feel whole. Your thoughts.

Ms. Jeen: Life is filled with many challenges, trials, and tribulations, even though I do not welcome them I do believe you can allow them to break you or make you stronger. I have spent my entire life with plans to sail smoothly along my journey, but the rough waters have come, and life happens. When we intentionally choose to sail into the storm or run into a burning building for a noble cause you prepare yourself for the worse. Saving others is truly a noble cause and if that should ever come my way I would like to think I would rise to the occasion, but there is another noble cause that we are faced with every day of our lives and that is being true to oneself. It is frightening to sail through the storm or go into the burning building but for the one that prepares for such a challenge will have a greater chance of surviving along with the tremendous feelings of satisfaction and being whole. I will not let fear or other’s opinion be the deciding factor in whether or not I pursue the noblest cause of all and is being true to myself. 

TGForum: You have referred to show business a few times and living in or near NYC I can understand that. If you could seek a career that truly accepted your transgender lifestyle (not construction!) and brought you great success, and you could be Felicia all the time, what would you envision doing? 

Ms. Jeen: When I was in elementary school, we all had to take up a required instrument and in the first day of class my teacher asked the question what is the greatest instrument? As the discussion went on every instrument you can imagine was suggested but no one had the right answer. Finally, the teacher said, the human voice is the oldest, most majestic, and versatile instrument of all. The vocal cords not only give us the unique ability to speak but can make an unlimited range of beautiful sounds. My father was a singer and I witnessed first-hand the joy he gave people with his voice not to mention the joy he gave himself. Hands down I would be a singer having and giving the incredible joy of communicating feelings from the heart with the greatest instrument of all, my voice. 

TGForum: What is your approach to healthy eating? What recommendations can you offer?

Ms. Jeen: Gosh, I love all good food but even more so, I love feeling and looking good. I cannot count how many times I was told while growing up to eat everything on my plate and how people were starving all over the world. There are so many diets out there but basically, I believe we eat too much. I have always exercised, eaten well, and avoided junk food but I did eat more than I needed. When Felicia came back into my life, I had more motivation than ever to be in the best shape possible. About a year and a half ago I went to a 10-day meditation retreat where I ate two vegetarian meals a day, breakfast, a light lunch and at 5 p.m. we had fruit and tea. During one of the meditation classes the teacher gave the best advice I have ever heard about eating. He said stop eating before you are full. Leave at least one-quarter of your belly empty. It is so basic and makes so much sense. If we eat up to full capacity, even with all the exercise, we are not allowing our belly to shrink. I am not a vegetarian, but I keep my carbs low, I have a good balance of fruits and vegetables, no junk food and basically eat less. I have a small breakfast, nuts and or fruit in the afternoon and an early light dinner. I try to eat before 7 p.m. to give my body time to process the food before retiring for the night. It works great for me and I am not starving myself. 

TGForum: Do you have an exercise regimen that helps you keep looking shapely?

Ms. Jeen: I exercise about five times a week for about 45 minutes. I obviously do not want to build bulk, instead I want to lose it, therefore my exercises are light toning, stretching and basic yoga. Upper body is light band exercises such as band rows and scapular retraction variations. The lower body is bridges, hip abduction variations, trunk rotations, leg raises, squats, lunges, and planks. These are such basic exercises and no weights needed but I cannot stress enough how important it is to simply keep some type of regular routine in your life to keep our body active. It really makes a world of difference between feeling weak and tired versus feeling great and alive. I have never felt better, and the flexibility comes in real handy in the bedroom. Of course, I am talking about making your bed and the ability to reach for the last corner of your fitted sheet and get it perfectly on the mattress.   

TGForum: Please set the record straight. You are married, but during our interview you referred to a part-time boyfriend. Do tell. 

Ms. Jeen: I had a feeling this would come up again. I always did have a problem with too much information. As I mentioned earlier, in 2012 when I remarried, I never expected for Felicia to ever come back. When she did in 2018, I was in an extremely comfortable marriage and good friends with my wife even though our sex life had been less than ever. I guess her long struggle with menopause played a part, but we soon became very complacent in that area. Within a few months of dressing again and going out secretly I had extreme guilt and knew I would have to stop dressing or tell my wife. While away at a femme weekend event I met a married cis woman who I shall call La Capitaine. We would go on to become particularly good friends to this day. While talking with LaCapitaine about my situation she confirmed what I knew I would eventually have to do. Within weeks I told my wife about Felicia. Many know how hard that can be, how will I get it out, how would she react, what would I choose if given an ultimatum? Well, I carefully rehearsed it in my head and finally one night said sweetie I have to talk to you about something especially important. After my whole rehearsed speech of how much I love her, I let it fly. She looked at me and said, “is that it? I thought you were going to tell me something really bad.” Knowing her well, deep down I kind of knew she would take it okay but not that good.

I felt the need to explain the difference about sexuality and gender since most assume one goes hand in hand, but I did not need to since she knew. I explained that sex was very secondary, simply being Felicia was extremely fulfilling but as Felicia I did have an attraction to men. We left it as a ‘don’t ask don’t tell topic’. We both respect each other’s privacy, and I began to openly go out whenever I wanted and the only thing that stopped me from going out several times a week was feeling bad about leaving her alone and I made sure the time we were together was good. I continue to go out as I please and even though she is incredibly supportive and has seen me as Felicia. I keep it separate. In early 2019, she once said I never thought you would take it that serious but, continues to be supportive on my journey. People have said to me you are lucky to have a wife like that. I say yes, I am, and she is lucky to have me. We are good friends.

I mentioned that I consider myself a straight woman, but I am with other girls as a bottom if there is an attraction. Actually, I always need attraction and sex is still very secondary, I simply love being out meeting people and having fun but when I do have sex, I absolutely love it.

Relationships are hard enough for cis individuals and so much harder for transgender folks.  I have been fortunate to have relationships with nice men but nothing that knocks me off my feet. I guess I should say I am not in a situation to be choosy, but I have always been choosy and not about to change now. I have a lot to offer someone and expect the same. I have been around long enough to know that settling for any relationship no matter what gender you are is never a good thing. I have been with the part-time boyfriend I mentioned a little over a year. He is a real gentleman and treats me like a lady, which is so important to me. We enjoy each other so much and he would like to take it further, but I just do not feel the magic. I have been incredibly open with him and he is happy to spend whatever time he can with me, and I with him.

TGForum: What do you most value in your friends?

Ms. Jeen: I would have to say the most important attribute I respect in a friend is genuineness. Actually, without it the friendship is very superficial, you would think that is basic but with the word ‘friends’ used so loosely I believe it is overlooked quite often. I am an emotional person and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, probably to a fault. I do say what I truly feel when asked. I realize that can be risky when it is not what someone wants to hear and, in those times, if the person is not a real friend, I look to avoid it rather than lie to them. If they are a friend, I hope they understand my honesty whether I am right or wrong in my assessment. I hold myself to the same standard, I want friends to be honest with me and I want to be honest about myself. All I am saying is that when genuineness is there everything is out in the open. There is no wondering motive or doubt if what was said was meant for good. That is an absolute necessity in a real friendship and allows the freedom to openly express with each other.

TGForum: What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Ms. Jeen: You have a beautiful smile is the absolute best compliment anyone can give me. What I love about that compliment is that it is not about genetics. To be honest, skin-deep beauty is something everyone would love to have but it simply is not something you can brag about or take credit for. I have been told that I have beautiful eyes. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have my mother’s eyes, but I had no control over that, just as she did not. If you remember, I said my mother was beautiful and her eyes where one attribute of her overall outward beauty, but I also said she had an inward beauty that made her loved by so many. She had a beautiful heart and it shined through with her smile. I posted a short writing about beauty on a site I am on in which I said, a smile is something everyone can do to show all the love in your heart while giving you an inward beauty that is something to truly feel good about. It is something everyone can have. A smile is the universal language of love. A smile makes everyone beautiful and the world a better place.

TGForum: Can you share a favorite funny story about yourself?

Ms. Jeen: I am so grateful to say I have had many funny things in my life. I only wish I had jotted down every funny story that has happened to me. Thankfully, it turns out I actually have something better.

In 2015 my son and I were working on the same construction project together at JFK Airport, which is a one-hour drive to our homes in New Jersey (NJ) without traffic. We would drive in together and make great time at 6 a.m. in the morning but going home at 3:30 p.m. was always a hit or miss thing hoping traffic would be ok on the Belt Parkway to the Verrazano Bridge and then into NJ. On this particular day traffic seemed fairly good and when we were only one exit from the bridge, I could estimate that we would be home in about 30 minutes. At that time, I realized I had a few of my special brownies that I had brought to work to give to a fellow co-worker but had forgotten. Well, it was a Friday night and after a long week I was looking forward to a nice weekend. I mentioned I had them and asked my son if he would want some. Usually, they take about 45 minutes to kick in so we both agreed we might as well have it now and be feeling nice soon after arriving to our homes. Well just about immediately after eating it traffic came to a complete halt. Growing up in Brooklyn, I prided myself in knowing all the side streets and short cuts. It turned out that half of the entire Brooklyn population also knew them. As I continually took a new side street, he was so impressed as he checked me on his Google maps and said I was doing better than the app, nonetheless traffic was a mess no matter which direction I took. By this time, we were both feeling the brownie kick in, needless to say our ride quickly became a scene right out of a Cheech & Chong movie. We were having such a fun time and one of us mentioned we should record the trip but as quickly as the thought came it went. An hour later we were finally on the Verrazano Bridge when my son said, “dad is that the van that was in front of us before we turned off the Belt Parkway one hour ago to take your short cut?” Well, the next hour driving in Staten Island traffic was pretty much like that. When I finally dropped him off at his door he said, “dad that was probably the funniest time we ever had together.” Ten minutes later when I arrived home he called hysterically laughing and said, he just looked at his phone and realized his voice memo was on all the time and he had the entire ride recorded on his phone. It was so funny listening to it that I asked my son to play it at my funeral. I want people celebrating my life not mourning my death.    

(Felicia’s Disclosure: I do not condone the actions in this story as they were not intentional. But I have been known to have fun.)

TGForum: As Felicia, are you active in any charitable organizations? If so, how?

Ms. Jeen: I am involved in local charity fundraisers for under privileged children and those struggling with living conditions. In the warmer months, I volunteer at marathons to raise money. It is definitely an area I can do better.

TGForum: If you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not famous     real or fictional, with whom would it be?

Ms. Jeen: I am not trying to take the easy way out on this one but being Felicia is absolutely the most fulfilling person to be. I know the question is ‘for a week’ but I truly have to say since having the freedom to be Felicia more and more and looking forward to being her 24/7 I no longer feel the desire to be anyone else. I am really at a loss to think of anyone I would want to switch with. Now on the other hand if you told me I could be a rich and famous Felicia for a week that is another story, I would have the time of my life and look at it as an amazing vacation. Thanks so much for asking that question and giving me the opportunity to reflect on it and realize in a whole new way how fortunate and content I am. 

TGForum: What is your greatest extravagance?

Ms. Jeen: Oh, this is so easy. Felicia is my greatest extravagance without a doubt or guilt. I have always been a generous person with my time and money. Of course, I have spent so much on my children and the women in my life that I have loved. Now there is another woman in my life that I absolutely love spoiling and the absolute best part of it is that I know how much she deeply appreciates it and do not have to guess what she likes.

TGForum: As with many, life has had many twists and turns for you. As a transgender woman, at the end of the day, what advice are you able to offer others?

Ms. Jeen: I touched on this earlier in different words but there is a quote I heard many years ago that has been a reminder and an anchor for me in many of my twists and turns in life. “The things we thought were breaking us were in reality making us.” I also like the words, “And this too shall pass.” Yes, we all have the storms, some we create by our own doing and others we have no control over but when they come, I try to remind myself, this too shall pass, and I will learn from it. I had the worst possible twist 11 years ago when I had my transition all planned and many others twists since but now, I am living to share the good I have learned through it. I guess it was all part of ‘making me’.

As a child I took up kung fu and then boxing. In both I learned the crucial lesson of going with the punches, roll with it and learn how to fall. The punches will come, and physics tells us if we do not go with the impact it will be much harder to take. Likewise, if we do fall, roll with it, and let the momentum get you right back on your feet. Lastly, I try to laugh at life and even make fun of myself. It really helps me roll with it. I have spent way too much time in life stressing over things which simply made it harder to accept the outcome. As a young transgender woman in time not age, I have to say this has especially helped me in life stay flexible when those twists and turns come.

Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul