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Six Steps After You Tell Your S.O.

The Editor | May 5, 2014

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A great deal of time is spent on the discussion of how to tell a spouse you are transgender. However, telling your spouse is only the first step in a long line of open communication. The most important part is what happens after the initial conversation and your significant other now knows. Here are 6 Steps to strengthening your relationship and allowing it to continue to grow.

1. Take Things Slow! You have known and struggled with this for most of your life. Remember she is just finding out. She needs time.

2. Don’t Push! Do not push your spouse into going shopping or going out with you dressed. She needs to get to know your female side and appearance slowly, in the privacy of your own home. If you push to hard, you could push her away.

3. Communication is Key! Be honest with your spouse. Allow them to ask questions and be prepared to answer them in the most honest way you can. If you are not sure how far you plan to go with your transition then you need to tell her that. There should be no secrets anymore. You should begin to travel this path together. Don’t leave her trying to keep up.

4. Help to Educate You Spouse! Give your partner the opportunity to learn more. Their are some great books that may be helpful. A few are: True Selves, by Mildred Brown & Chloe Rounsley; She’s Not There, by Jenny Boylan; If You Really Loved Me, by Emma Cantons, and the documentary Trans, The Movie.

5. Be Patient! Your spouse needs to process this new information and she may react in several ways. It is common for many spouses to go through a grieving process which may include the following Five Stages: 1. Denial 2. Bargaining 3. Anger 4. Depression 5.Acceptance. These stages can take time. Be their for her and take this journey together.

6. Tell Her You Love Her! Your spouse may begin to feel insecure about herself. Tell her you love her and reassure her this is not her fault. Let her know you are not going anywhere and you still want to be with her. She needs to hear this from you often.

Lorrie Yale
T.R.U.S.T. Co-Founder