September Mourn

September is here and with it, the end of summer. Here in Pennsylvania, summer wilts into autumn. Summer is the season of Life; of joy; of heat; of passion. In September, summer releases its sweaty hold, and the plants begin to brown and die. Autumn is the season of death. People harvest the crops and prepare for the cold tomb of winter.

However, autumn does have its bonuses as well. Here in Pennsylvania, the trees become a spectacular explosion of color and texture before finally surrendering to the inevitability of the Cold. For those who are sports-minded, football begins and baseball ends. Pumpkin everything hits the market.

As the nights turn longer and colder, people slow their frantic summer paces.

Autumn has always been a season of reflection for me. My birthday is in September, and having it as the world dies around me cannot help but make me think of my own mortality. And that of others.

A year ago this month, one of my best friends, Lisa Empanada, died by her own hand. A year ago this month I was on my own after over two decades of marriage. I spent my birthday alone.

Endings.

I think of everything that happened a year ago, and I try to find a bright side. Then I remember the Equinox.

The Equinox, when the hours of day and night are an even twelve hours each, is also in September. September 23rd in fact.

The Equinox represents balance; for every hour of darkness there shall be an hour of light. Yin and Yang. My Wiccan friends tell me that this is a time of thanksgiving for all the blessing received in the past year.

Last September was Horror after Horror.

So maybe this is the year for the light. Maybe this year will be the balance.

Last year I spent my birthday alone. This year I’m arraigning a party. Last year I lost Lisa. This year I gained Linda Lewis as a dear friend. Nothing could ever replace Lisa, but Linda is amazing in her own way, and I’m blessed to have her in my life.

I have often been accused of living in the past. Guilty. I’m trying to stop that. My past was as someone pretending to be male. My present and future are as a female. Some people, like remaining old friends, my Wife and Daughter, bridge that gap, as do some other things, but really not too much. I really should focus more on the Now and the Future.

So maybe that’s the whole lesson from autumn. Balance. Balance lest we Fall like a browned leaf torn loose on a brisk day. With balance we can see a Future and live to enjoy it.

Be Well, and enjoy your September!

Tags: featured, Identity, introspection, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul