Secret Diary of a Transgender Woman

I used to read a lot of hard-crime noir-style murder mysteries. I have a nice collection of paperbacks published by Hard Case Crime. They’re easy to spot at the bookstore, because they have a Smith & Wesson pistol inside a yellow band at the top of the spine. The main characters are invariably saucy dames and hard-drinking private detectives. Estrogen is pretty potent stuff. So lately, the macho viewpoint of these gritty and colorful tales has been wearing thin and I have been seeking out feminine themed plots featuring romance and angst. My current summer reading material is the scandalous Secret Diary of a Call Girl by Anonymous. It’s hilarious and quite spicy, leaving nothing to the imagination. I think it should be on everyone’s required reading list. I’ve already promised to pass it along to my girlfriend after I am done with it, so you’ll just have to pick up your own copy.

I figured I needed a little inspiration to whet my appetite for sex. No, that’s not quite right, my sexual appetite is just fine. I think what I want to say was that before you have sex with people it’s a smart idea to date them first. Not required of course, but it’s part of the traditional mating ritual. Do I really need to justify my choice in summer reading? Probably not, but Secret Diary of a Call Girl provides an interesting perspective on recreational sex from the female point of view. “Don’t you know that it’s different from girls?” In the words of Judy Collins “I have looked at love from both sides now.” My next book is a gently used hardback copy of The Girl on the Train. It’s a murder mystery that features a woman who rides the train everyday as the main protagonist. Hello! That’s me, I ride the train to work every day, so I figure it’s very apropos. I write these columns in fits and starts on the train in long hand in a notebook and then try to weave my random thoughts into a column. No outlines are ever used in the creation of my blogs. They are 100% natural.

About 3 weeks ago, I attended the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Gala in Philadelphia courtesy of my friend Jone, who provided the printed materials for the Gala and graciously invited me to be her guest for the evening. This was my third Gala in June and unlike the previous two Pride-themed Galas this one was mainstream, and it was big. I am guessing there were about 500 philanthropic-minded men and women in attendance and the crowd was filled with the best and the brightest. Not only did Jone invite me to the Gala, she bestowed upon me an incredible emerald sequined floor length gown that fit me like a glove. My previous gowns have all been very, shall we say, mother of the bride and the emerald gown was very much belle of the ball. Thanks Jone!

Well, I didn’t meet Mr. Right (or Ms. Right) but I did meet Mark and he was a terrific dancer. He effortlessly led me through a series of twirls and I gotta say I thoroughly enjoy dancing with a guy who is taller than me and can lead. I was never very good at leading on the dance floor as a guy, and that was another crucial reason why I decided to transition. . .Now that I am a girl, I am permanently excused from leading on the dance floor duty.

My Dad was a very outgoing person and he could strike up a conversation, with just about anybody. And I think he passed this skill on to me, because I feel perfectly at home making small talk with a crowd of strangers. I don’t waste a minute, thinkin’ about what might have been, it’s all about the here and now and how many people I can meet. In a big crowd, it’s super easy to start conversations, because most people feel awkward and they are grateful to someone who can break the ice and start a conversation. But if my target fails to respond to my remark I can simply move on to the next person.

Online Dating Update

As you may recall, I joined two online dating services a few months back. OkCupid and APartner. My advice on APartner is don’t bother. OKCupid on the other hand has provided me with a few interesting leads. As my cisgender girlfriend Beth, put it, “Lynda you just have to start dating. I dated a lot of losers before I found my current boyfriend Bill. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.” One thing that OKCupid has taught me is that there are a lot of people out there looking.

In the back of my mind, I am wondering if the guys who like me on OKCupid ever read my profile or simply like me based on my profile picture. Case in point, I was chatting with a guy this morning, basic small talk. He is apparently working on becoming a millionaire according to his profile and has his own business.

So he asks, “How is your search going on here”

I say, “No amazing results yet. But there have been a few interesting people. I am not your average woman and realistically, I don’t expect to find my ideal partner on here.”

I finish with “Since I am transgender, it’s sort of like going through puberty all over again.”

His response: (crickets…)

Initially, he seemed like a nice guy with a low key approach, and since he made reference to my desire to travel to Paris, which I had mentioned in my profile, I figured he knew I was trans. I figure honesty is the best policy. Truth in advertising and all that.

Of course, at the other end of the spectrum we have the tranny chasers. I am chatting with a guy who has a big bushy Groucho Marx style mustache. He starts peppering me with questions.

Groucho: “Do you still have your man parts?”

Me: “Only my hairdresser knows for sure.”

Groucho “ So are your tits real?”

Me: “Let’s just say, my sister is very jealous.”

Groucho: “How big is she?”

At this point, I am beyond annoyed, so I decide to let him have it.

“Look I’m sure you’ve been dating trannies, shemales and chicks with dicks, but I assure you that I am none of those. I have gone to great time and expense and risked my career to transition. Basically, I am just like any other woman on OKCupid. You probably think I am a bitch, but I think I deserve a little respect, don’t you?”

So, in the next few seconds, I see a flag that I have a new message from him, but when I get to the Conversations page the message disappears before my eyes. He just blocked me. Well, looks like I got in the final word there. “Goodbye stranger, it’s been nice, hope you find your paradise.”

OKCupid is time consuming. I am quite sure, that if I wanted to randomly hook up with your average Joe that it would work like a charm. OKCupid is a big used car lot full of lonely hearts. As a transgender woman, I fit into the exotics category, and I have done some customizing with aftermarket parts. Pushing my buttons takes some finesse.

I think one reason that I joined OKCupid was to start figuring out whether or not I really want to date guys. It’s still a possibility but I think I can get a whole lot more intel on guys using the tried and true dangle a leg off the barstool, let him buy me a drink and give him my phone number technique. The key to using this technique is to arrive during Happy Hour, and leave when Happy Hour is over, while you are still thinking rationally.

My generation did not grow up with the internet and I think we are not as savvy at using internet based platforms. I do know some transgender women who have used OkCupid successfully. They are a bit younger than, me and they have been at it for years. So maybe, it’s a learning curve thing.

The Activity Based Approach to Dating

I have assembled a fantastic group of friends, so perhaps the antidote to internet dating burnout is to leverage off my friendships. My date(s) should pair well with my friends and a good Malbec. I am into biking and while I sometimes enjoy a solitary ride, I would much rather ride with friends. First off, it’s a much safer approach. If you crash, there will be somebody there to scrape you off the pavement. A friend can also help you change a flat tire. Perhaps more importantly, riding together builds friendships And since you have just burned a nice chunk of calories you can enjoy those chicken wings and Old Bay fries guilt free. Sometimes, it’s just about the ride, sometimes it’s about being able to check out your friend’s tush in Spandex® from just the right vantage point.

Tennis Anyone? A good friend of mine recently gave me a couple of tennis lessons using a basket full of balls. The great thing about tennis is that it’s a perfect excuse to wear a short skirt. Plus, it’s a great workout and whacking a ball over the net is a great way to take out your frustrations. Tennis is both physically and mentally challenging. As my friend hit the balls to me, I tried to focus on my technique and keep hustling. Though I work out regularly, tennis is all about quick bursts of speed and requires a whole different sort of fitness. I’m hooked, and tennis is a very social sport so I am thinking it will be a great way to meet active people who enjoy challenging themselves.

Well, I gotta go work on my tan and get back to my book. See you next month.

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Tags: featured, Identity, opinion, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul