Loving Your Equals
Chanelle
A week ago or so, I watched a popular YouTube video, which got nine million views. The video was from famous vlogger Jenna Marbles, called “Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last.” Besides ‘letting it out’ about whiny dudes who can’t get a girl to be with them or to stay with them, she brings up a very good point, detailing one of the reasons why many men are whiny about not finding a partner.
The reason is not because they are looking in the wrong places and not because they are too shy or not confident to even begin actively looking for a partner, but it’s because they are looking at the wrong people -– meaning the people who are different in personalities. Let me tell you something you probably already know: opposites don’t always attract and even if they do, they don’t last. I know from experience of going on many dates and talking to many different women with different personalities. Knowing what I know now and looking back, not one girl in my life, except for my one former girlfriend, had a personality that complemented my personality. Jenna Marbles brings up the point that the perfect partner is a match and a complement. “People look for their equals. . . Smart people like other smart people and funny people like other funny people. People like to have things in f***ing common!”
My first relationship had its ups and downs and it only lasted almost two years because we had things in common. We were very awkward and funny with each other, we both liked good sushi, speed (driving fast), loud music, gorgeous dresses, and wild sex. We took initiative in the relationship and did things for each other without asking, and we had many great moments with each other. Over time, her interests shifted towards an organization I deeply resent, a multi-level-marketing network called “Amway,” and going to their conferences and being around other MLM promoters has shifted her interests and made her more attracted to the men in the organization. Once that took place, I knew I had lost the many things I had in common with her. At the later points in our relationship, the guys in the organization shared more interests with her than me. Half a year later after we parted ways, she found a new boyfriend, within Amway. Reading over his social media posts, I knew he would be the perfect man for her as they shared the same vision for their future.
Who wouldn’t want this pretty young lady?
Most other girls I met after my ex and I split were too shy, immature, closed minded, not attractive to me, and many were just lazy and boring. None were the perfect match to my personality and my interests.
A relationship is a two-way deal. One person cannot be carrying all the weight of it and both parties are required to participate. For a relationship to be successful, people ought to find their equals -– people who will match and help their partners double-up. Complete people have everything they need or they are pursuing what they need –- feeling of fulfillment, knowledge, achievement, beauty, fitness, and financial stability. That’s what they define happiness as. People who feel incomplete and try finding their “other half” will not be complete and they will not be happy in the long run. Only working on you to help you become a complete person will help you in your search for a complete equal.
Don’t panic, be patient, keep doing what you are doing and improve yourself when you feel that you should. Just remember that you are great and that the world is on your plate!
Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion
About the Author (Author Profile)
I'm a 20-something. Florida bird since 2006. Have been crossdressing on a part-time basis since 2012 with a couple of breaks in between. As of 2018, I'm taking an indefinite break from the TG life in the aggressive pursuit of a full-time career as a music producer and artist. On TG Forum, you can discover several articles I've penned on relationships, business and most importantly for this blog, topics of crossdressing while continuously learning about this world with you.Subscribe
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Finding an ideal companion or friend can be difficult, it is a bit hit and miss. You can meet someone where everything seems to work but really it may be a fleeting thing. Such is life. If you find one you have to work on it, it can be hard but it is worth the effort.
After two failed marriages, one where I wasn’t happy and the other where she wasn’t happy, I am at a loss as to what to do. Maybe I shouldn’t have married in the first place, perhaps I am not marital material. Being trans is a very introspective thing to be, sometimes you have to for survival.
Any women I became involved with were told about me, including the two ex’s. They both knew about Claire long before we ever got to the marital stage. Most of the women were fine with it, some were fine with it for a while…..and of course, some weren’t.
So in a nutshell, finding a woman I was attracted to and wanted to be with wasn’t that hard nor was finding a woman who enjoyed my company The difficulty is finding one who is completely happy with the idea of me being Claire. Where does one look?
Well I was beginning to think that nobody else wanted to respond to Chanelle’s fine article on relationships, so I’m happy to see Claire’s thoughtful response. Everyone should be concerned about making relationships that work. It’s especially difficult for people who are eschewed from what most people find as comfortable to pursue for a relationships. We can’t keep out the horrible biases that have created by our unique choice to be who we really feel comfortable being. It certainly makes it extremely difficult for the trans population. Most of the non-trans world may be more accepting these days, but it’s hardly like we still aren’t viewed as relationship pariah to most people. So, sustaining a relationship with a accepting outsider(sometimes even those that appear as accepting aren’t really) may ultimately change quicker than in most partnerships. The unaccepting outside world is harsh on people who don’t flow with the prevailing way of looking at people. Abraham Lincoln was right we are all created equal, but that isn’t how thinks work in reality, the majority rule as to what is acceptable relationship wise.
These points are stated by me to only set things straight of the issue at hand. How do we even start to make healthy relationships? Well the first step (as far any relationship we make) is to check ourselves, to believe in ourselves, to be confident in who and what we are before we make any meaningful evaluation about who would be good for us. It’s not as easy when you’re special and trans people are special! We need to do ourselves first, this is true for all people. It’s especially true for those who are different. Be happy with who you are, be prepare to go it solo. Relationships color and enhance our life, but they shouldn’t change us into someone we’re not.
So Claire, when you say “Where does one look?” I can only respond to this by saying to look to Claire for that answer. The more we’re in touch with ourselves the easier it is to find the right people. This is not a simple answer, but it’s the right place to begin. Make the investment in who you believe is true to who you are, not with someone who is attempting find a relationship to fill the void in what they believe will make them happy. You’re special Claire, you’ve been honest and courageous. Find someone who is also honest and courageous, but don’t settle for someone who isn’t. Be aware that there are many out there like me that believe that about you! Good luck!
Thank you for the reply to my article! Finding a woman that loves you as Claire would have to start at places where you would normally find women who are into other women. There are straight women who love crossdressers, but they are hard to come by and sometimes, being upfront is the best method for avoiding wasting time.
It’s not easy finding people who accept us and are interested in pursuing a relationship that goes against societal norms! There’s no ideal place to look. Online gets you many with cold feet(not to mention people there that misrepresent themselves). They are just not ready to take things to the next step, but it’s a start and certainly a great place to begin a dialogue. I don’t have any great ideas on how to find a person who fits my profile. It is always great to talk about it with others having the same concerns. I love that you want to discuss this Chanelle. When all’s done and said we need to get support somewhere and that’s always great to fall back on! Keep talking Chanelle!
Having things in common is the glue that keep relationships going. People do makes changes, it’s important to not lose touch with what brought you together in the first place, sometimes it’s hard work, but if you really care about each other you’ll do it to keep your love alive. That kind of work isn’t that difficult because your work will make you love each other even more!
Amway is a cult it would have difficult to have ridden that kind of change to greater love, unless you joined the cult too. Happy to hear your not into that sort of sales gimmick…lol
Jenn4cds Thank you for your reply to my article. She completely lost touch with reality and who she was when we met and we had to split. Speaking about not losing touch with what brought us together, we went on many bike rides together – we had our fun moments!
At least you had fun too, relationships are an adventure. Maybe, we’d love to meet that one and only. That takes time, may as well have fun while we’re looking for that special one!