High Holy Day

October is here! And everyone knows what that means: Pumpkin Spice everything! While that’s true, it’s also time for my favorite Holiday: Halloween! As JoAnn Roberts used to say, it’s a TG’s High Holy Day.

It’s also a Holy Day for Wiccans. For them, it is the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain (pronounced “sah-win”). The festival of Samhain is a celebration of the end of the harvest season in Gaelic culture. Samhain was a time used by the ancient pagans to take stock of supplies and prepare for winter. The ancient Gaels believed that on October 31, the boundaries between the worlds of the living and the dead overlapped and the deceased would come back to life and cause havoc such as sickness or damaged crops. I really don’t know much more about Samhain other than what I’ve read. Perhaps one of my Wiccan readers can educate me?

Those of you who read this column or my blog with any regularity know that Halloween 2008 was my “rebirth” where my feminine side came rushing back after decades of repression. Seven years later, here I am, a Full Time Woman. So what am I doing for Halloween this year?

Will I be going to a huge party? Stalking the night in a sexy slinky outfit for prey? Feel the Prowl…

Probably not.

I still love Halloween, don’t get me wrong. However, some of the, I don’t know, magic has gone away. For years, Halloween was an extra night out as Myself. It was a chance for My worlds to overlap. My friends and coworkers saw me in a dress and, occasionally, my prosthetic breast piece from England. (VERY realistic!) But now, everyone knows me as Sophie, so there isn’t that naughty little thrill.

Normally, I start planning Halloween in July. That’s when I’d sit down with Lorraine Anderson of Occasional Woman to plan out that year’s costume. Not this year. I’m guessing by now she’s booked (but she might not be — see her Facialbook page if you have something simple you want done.)

If I want to dress up, I have multiple pieces she made for me. There’s the Mary Marvel costume, the St. Pauli Girl, the Evil Queen, the Vampiress, and the Flamenco dancer. I’d probably wear the Flamenco, as I’ve only worn it once. In fact, I appear in it in my first YouTube video.

I don’t know if any of my friends will be throwing a party. And there’s always the Henri David Ball to consider. But I didn’t sign off work — and I’ve been working a LOT of Saturday nights of late. If I’m closing at the book store, I won’t be out until 11, so my night will be shot. And the Flamenco costume isn’t work-friendly. Come to think of it, the only one that is work friendly is Mary Marvel, she of the three inch heeled boots. I wore the costume to work once and my legs suffered pain for a week after it.

Pain. Holidays mean different things for everyone. One of the reasons Halloween is my favorite holiday is that I hate Christmas and Thanksgiving. Yeah, you work in the service industry as long as I have and tell me how much YOU love the holidays. There’s also the fact that they are celebrations of family, and until very recently, I was estranged from my family. My parents and I are on the road to healing, but my Wife and I? I don’t think I’ll see my daughter on Christmas morning this year. This will be the second year straight. I don’t know how many of you readers are parents, but I can tell you it HURTS. Christmas is Magic for a child for a relatively short time, and I’m missing it. The Joy in her eyes. The Belief in the Spirit. The Innocent Happiness. Well, at least my Wife will experience it.

If the American purpose of Christmas, in its distilled form, is Happiness (be it of the Birth, or whatever you believe it to be), the American Halloween is a triumph of Self. Halloween is an excuse to be someone else for just one night. You can be whomever you choose — whatever you choose. If you want to get really deep into this, look into Freud or even Jung. Halloween gave me an excuse to be my true self for one more night.

But now that I am my true self all the time, I don’t Want to be anything else.

But that doesn’t mean YOU can’t be. I asked this in a previous column — how many of us discover or re-discover our true selves on Halloween? How many cocoons split to reveal the Butterflies within?

It’s Halloween. Enjoy a good fright. Be who you Want to be; who you Need to be. Then, if you dare, keep that spirit alive.

Being Yourself is the Scariest thing about Life.

Be Well

Tags: featured, halloween, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul