Happy Rebirthday to Me

As I write this, it’s a few days before December 19th, the date I will always consider to be my rebirthday.

My actual birthday is in September, but December 19 is the date that I made the firm decision to abandon my male masquerade and live the rest of my life as who I’ve always known I was — a woman. 

There have been other important dates in my journey. Beginning hormone replacement therapy on February 15 was a huge step. I will never forget the way I hesitated before signing the informed consent form, wanting to savor every sensation of the moment. I also cherish the joy that came with swallowing that very first little blue Estradiol pill.

My cisgender friends probably see my public transition date, June 2, as a big milestone, and of course it was. But as wonderful as that moment was, it was really confirmation and affirmation of what I had been carefully planning for five months and dreaming of for five decades.

I should also include my first visit to my current salon, which happened in January. When I was younger, my hair was a dark brown with red highlights. As my fifties have marched on, the red turned grey. On that first visit, we restored the highlights. Then we started turning the whole thing red and have turned it up by a degree or two as the months have worn on. I was recently called a “fiery redhead,” and I loved that. It’s nice to be able to express my true self at last.

Here’s a question that I see come up from time to time; Is being transgender a curse? A gift? Or both? 

In my experience, there’s some truth to both. My journey has not come without pain or loss. But the good ha so far outweighed the relatively small amount of pain that’s appeared along my path.

I ask myself this: How many of us have the opportunity to remake our lives? To create a new identity? To choose a new name, a new wardrobe, a new way of interacting with the world? I’ve done it in my late fifties, and there are milestones still ahead.

Before the end of the year, I should have my second letter certifying I’m ready for gender confirmation surgery. I look forward to those procedures in the next couple of years, but as I envision the day when I step out of the shower, look in the mirror, and see the person staring back at me I know I’ve always been, I come back to the truth I stated at the beginning: 

The day I decided to start living as my true self was the biggest milestone of all.

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Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul