Getting There is Half the Fun
“Getting there is half the fun.” Do you remember when that phrase was a popular advertising slogan for a major ocean liner company? I don’t remember that far back but I’ve heard about it. It was so popular that the slogan was the punch line in numerous jokes, many of them involving the act of coitus and its climax. It was true that when it took eight days to cross the Atlantic and three days to cross the continent by train the travel companies packaged a lot of fun in to the travel (coitus not included).
Notwithstanding the mile-high club, jet travel made that slogan obsolete. With an airline, getting there is less about fun and more about surviving the “sardine experience.” Sometimes a lucky airline traveler can engage a seat-mate in an interesting conversation but with in-flight movies, headsets and iPods that is becoming rare. I have made countless airline trips over the last several years and have not had a single meaningful conversation with a seat-mate.
So when my friend Leah told me of her recent trip from her home in Florida to attend Diva Las Vegas I was very interested in everything she had to say. Diva Las Vegas is a major TG event that takes place late in April or early May each year. Unlike similar conventions it does not fill the attendees’ days with seminars and workshops. Just being out in Las Vegas is enough fun for the Diva girls. Of course the vivacious Leah and her friends had a great time in Las Vegas. How great? Well apparently she can’t tell us because “what happens in Vegas….” You know the rest.
However, what Leah told me helped me to think getting there still can be half the fun, maybe more.
Leah is a veteran air traveler. When going to Diva or Be All Leah travels by air and she travels as Leah. By contrast I have made two airline trips as Linda but that was back in the last century. I have no desire to face the increased scrutiny of the TSA. I also found the lack of engagement with fellow travellers takes a lot of the thrill out of the trip.
The TSA, the Transportation Security Agency, has developed a pretty clear set of guidelines to deal with those who travel in the guise of their non official gender. A section on their website explains that, “TSA recognizes the concerns members of the transgender community may have with undergoing the security screening process at our Nation’s airports and is committed to conducting screening in a dignified and respectful manner.” It goes on to explain how to prepare for travel. The most important thing is to make sure your ticket name exactly matches your official I.D. even if you are going to look a little different from your official photo. The website explains the screening process and offers that “Travellers who believe they have experienced unprofessional conduct at a security checkpoint are encouraged to request a supervisor at the checkpoint to discuss the matter immediately or to submit a concern to TSA’s Contact Center.”
If the TSA says you are good to go the airline will welcome you as a passenger. But are your fellow passengers going to be as welcoming?
Going to and from Las Vegas, Leah had two different experiences.
“Here are two tales,” she told me. “One was my flight to Vegas and the other home. With the home bound I was seated with a young very macho guy who was immersed in his music. He was sort of a ‘don’t bother me’ kind of guy. We barely crossed words. I can tell that he was not too happy being seated next to me, so I opened my Kindle and began reading the whole trip.”
Not much of a story there, I thought.
Leah continued:
“The outbound trip, from Atlanta to Las Vegas was a totally different story. I had a conversation with two women sitting next to me. We began by exchanging pleasantries, where are you from? You have an accent, etcetera. They said my hair was very awesome.
“Thank you. It’s actually a wig and I just have them styled by a hair dresser,” said Leah.
“Do you mind if I ask you how much they cost?” said one of her new friends.
“No at all, the real human hair wigs are more expensive but the style doesn’t last.”
“Oh I see. You are a very attractive “woman” and you like to wear nice clothes,” chimed in the second lady.
“Thanks dear,” said Leah, “Are you going to Vegas for pleasure or work?”
“My husband is seated three rows ahead, he is with his friend they are going to a convention and to play golf, they had played four days on a road this week. We two are along for the ride and the casinos.”
Wearing her medical hat Leah responded, “Just tell them to put a lot of sunblock because the dessert is brutal on the skin.”
“And what bring you to Vegas?”
“I am going to a transgender gathering.”
“That means more women like you?
“Yes, they come from all over the country, some from abroad. There will be about two or three hundred of us.”
“I had no idea that there are so many,” was one seat-mate’s response. “So tell me have you always wanted to be a woman?”
Leah’s response was frank, “No dear, that is something that came slowly to me and, being a man with no understanding, I chose to suppress it.”
“Do you have men asking you out?”
“Yes I do but it is not really my thing.”
“Do you want to adopt?”
“No dear, I have children already. They are grown up and they don’t live with me.”
“But what would happen if in the future you get to marry and your future husband wants to adopt?”
“I’ll get him a dog.” With that they all laughed. Thankfully for Leah the questioning moved on from relationships.
“Do you do your own makeup?”
“Yes dear I learn a lot about it using Youtube tutorials.”
“Well, your makeup is much better than mine,” said one of the ladies.
“Well, you don’t need to conceal any male features,” responded Leah as the three joined in another round of laughter.
“And how old are your children?”
“Do they know about Leah?”
“No, dear, I still play Dad for them.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I have a child that adores me and he has Asperger’s syndrome, I can’t imagine what would happen if he finds out.”
“You are right,” said one of the ladies, “I was an educator and I know all about Asperger’s. You are doing the right thing.”
Again moving on one asked, “Did you have the surgery to “make” a vagina?
“No hon, not yet, I don’t think that would ever happen.”
“Why?”
That led to Leah to a discussion of androgyny and what it means as opposed to gender reassignment. Leah said they were very puzzled by the whole concept.
Continuing the probing questions one asked, “You look very young, how can you have children that old?”
“Well my dear I am good at disguising my age.”
“You must be in your late 30″s or early 40’s?”
“I wish,” said Leah, “but I am not going to tell you.”
“No you have to tell us.”
“What about if I write it down,” Leah offered as she scribbled a number considerably higher than their high estimate.
“Oh, wow no. I can’t believe it. And how much does it cost to have surgery for your throat to change the voice?”
“No surgery just voice training.”
“Really? Do you mind speaking with your normal voice?”
Leah offered a few words in her male tone.
“Wow what a difference,” the ladies exclaimed “Is it worth it to go through all this?
“I don’t think it’s a choice; it’s what it’s inside of me.”
As the flight landed Leah and her seat-mates wished each other well. Waiting for her luggage she saw the two ladies chatting and pointing her out to their husbands.
They all looked her way and gave a friendly smile.
Leah smiled back and thought to herself that was a fun trip.
Sometimes the educator in me has to come out. “What made that trip so special for you?” I asked Leah.
Her eyes shot back a ‘didn’t I just explain it?’ look then she said reflectively, “I got to interact in a positive way with two wonderful women. I got to explain to them what it was like to be an androgynous person and I’m pretty sure they are going to take that information forward to tell their friends so for some in the world the stereotype that all men who dress as women are freakish perverts will be changed forever.” Leah paused for a bit and then continued, “And I got to use my fem voice training for two and a half hours straight.”
Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fun & Entertainment