Dawn & Hannah — In the end….

Dawn and Hannah

So a few months have passed and Hannah and I are still navigating what is our friendship at this point.

With time and distance she and I are trying. I don’t know to what degree or how much effort is going to be afforded to this, as it is I who is hurt by our ending and it is I who seems to be saddened. I don’t say this out of anger or bitterness, I am just stating the truth. I still don’t go a day without texting her and seeing how she is. I still try to be encouraging and tell her that she is awesome. I tell her that I am proud of her. She is a different person than she was a year ago, and I knew she would be.

She isn’t the lost and scared little girl she once was, she is empowered with self esteem and self respect. Hannah has become an advocate in her own right, standing up for Transgender men and women, and in the process, outing herself. She seems to find herself in transphobic situations when she is having to present as Mannah, and instead of sitting there and listening to the derogatory remarks come out of the mouths of ignorance, she stands up for what is right. She thanks me for all of this.

She tells me if it weren’t for me she wouldn’t be who she is today, whether or not that is true, it is bitter sweet. She is well on her way to becoming the woman she was meant to be and I know that she will achieve great things in her life, but without me by her side. Which is how she should go through her life and in the beginning I expected it to be, but I got caught up, and now I get to be the one that had to let my love go free so that she could be who she is supposed to be. She and I couldn’t be so completely opposite when it comes to our wants in life, and I will never be able to give her the life she wants and she doesn’t want to live the life that I live.

I do have many years of experience being female and I do know that what she wants and what she hopes for are absolutely normal things for a young lady to want. As she continues to grow into her mind and body she’ll find her ideals and realities don’t always match up. It isn’t easy being a girl. There are so many things that women go through day to day that until you live it, you don’t really fully understand or grasp the severity of it. She is dealing with it. Hannah started seeing the sexist things that women deal with. Self respect is the most important aspect of self that all women need to have when conquering the world! I am proud to say I was able to show her that. As sad or heartbroken as I may be by the way things have turned out, I am and will always be thankful and feel blessed that I was the person that got to introduce Hannah to her world and mine. Making sure she stepped into it loving herself was necessary.

The take away is that I will always love her. She knows that. All the things that happen in life are for a reason, good, bad or otherwise. She thanks me for making her strong and I tell her she has always been strong. I didn’t make her strong, all I’ve done was help her find her strength. All I did was tell her that it was okay to be her and that her happiness is just as important as everyone else’s. No, I didn’t do anything other than tell her she was allowed to be and the rest was just information. I am so very proud of her and who she will be!

Dawn will continue to blog for TGF  as a cisgender woman providing advice and tips on being a woman.

Tags: featured, partners, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul