Yep, that was me.

This month’s article is just going to be a short one. Still there are a few things that I feel are worthy to put down on paper. This month’s article was inspired by Google photos. I had logged into photos looking for something else, and as photos occasionally do it gave me a suggestion for an album. 

The one on the left is from December 4^th 2017. I was 4 months into my transition. The one on the right is from December 20^th 2020. Looking back at the old picture a flood of thoughts go through my head. Even though I was only 4 months into my transition I remember feeling so feminine. I used to complain to my therapist that I was constantly being misgendered by so many people. It frustrated me so much because in my head I saw myself a lot more girly than I actually was. I would tell my therapist, “I’m wearing earrings and lipstick, isn’t it obvious that I’m a girl?” That self-blindness was a blessing. If I would have seen myself as I actually was, I probably would have given up.

I absolutely love being a girl. I would not go back to who was before for anyone or anything. Today I pretty much go through life without being clocked.  Of course having boobs really helps a lot. Don’t get wrong, if I stop and have a full conversation with someone they start to realize that something is different about me. Even with my best girl voice the fact that I’m transgender is not rocket science. Still it is a blessing to be able to go to the grocery store and be treated like a lady.

The changes physically have been fabulous. Generally through observation and practice I am learning the traits of being a woman. And with the help of those wonderful hormones, I am changing into who I always felt I was meant to be. As I mentioned I have fairly nice breasts, and my face has taken on a more girly shape. I am loosing muscle mass in my arms. I have learned to walk like a girl. I have had voice lessons to teach me to raise my tone. I’m still not overly feminine in the voice department. It’s more on the lower end of the female range. Still I can usually talk on the phone and get a “yes ma’am” most of the time.

The real change though has been mentally. I see the world now more in the way a woman understands it. Somehow without looking I know when a man is checking me out on the bus. You just ‘feel it.’ Then there is that nasty monthly cycle. My wife has learned to give me a little more understanding on the 13^th of every month. I try to give her the same courtesy.

Another way things have changed is the way I look at women I remember one time a young girl of about 21 got on the bus with absolutely the most perfect boobs I have ever seen on any female. My first thought on seeing her was not what I wanted to do with them, but rather jealousy wishing I could have them. Also, how women see me is different as well. Girls are not afraid of me now. I can talk to girls I don’t know and have a pleasant conservation. It’s just not a problem.

Sex is deferent now too. I now longer get that got’a have it feeling. It’s more of a slow boil. The journey taken to get to the orgasm is more important than the explosion. I mean I still love sex as much as ever, it’s just different now.

Relationships are still a struggle. Before I transitioned I used to think that lesbians must have an easier time having a marriage than straight people. To me it only made sense because you both are on the same level. I have found out though that at the end of the day you are still two separate people with your own ideas. Still there are some advantages to being as lesbian couple. Like the fact that you both can go to the same public bathroom. Then there is the sharing of makeup tips and fashion advice. Most girls love to cuddle on the couch. This has become a favorite with me. Put on a good movie, get a glass of wine and just bask in the warmth of each other’s body. (Preferably naked)

So these are just a few things that I have come to notice about being a woman. I’m sure there are a lot more I could think of if I tried. Still this is a good start. I hope I have inspired you to think about your own journey. How far you have come and where you want to be. I know that even as far as I have come there is so much more yet to change about me. I look forward to the future, even if I’m still learning to let go of the past.

I am strong, I am beautiful, and Trans proud.

Chrissy

Tags: featured, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul