This Just In

| May 23, 2011
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So a couple weeks ago, Osama Bin Laden was killed by a very brave American Seal Team. They stormed his compound, shot him twice in the head, and took all of his notes and computers. Hey I understand there’s a new drink called the Bin Laden. Yeah, it’s Two shots and a splash. Thank you! You’re a great audience! I’m here all week!

“Man oh man oh Sophie o’ mine — why do you tell us things that we all know?” you ask? To which I reply “All good things in all good time.”

See, Bin Laden was hiding in a well-fortified home in a suburb of Pakistan’s capital city. There he was — hiding in plain sight. Planning and plotting and watching porn. Leading his life.

So many of us hide in plain sight as well. Let’s face it, if you were to meet me in male mode, you wouldn’t know I was Sophie. And those who know me as male wouldn’t know me as Sophie either — even if I were in the same room (as long as I didn’t open my mouth that is.) They are not looking for me to be dressed as a woman. It’s not something people do — look for friends in drag. So as nervous as many of us are, most of us are safe from being spotted by friends.

What clues do we leave these friends? Do you shave/wax/pluck your eyebrows? Pierced ears? Have C-cup breasts? Do you swing your hips as you walk? Have an extensive knowledge of women’s shoes and or clothes?

Will they see these clues? After a while. Some will figure it out quickly though. So we hide. We hide and we lie.

So what would happen if one of them calls us on it before we’re ready to come out? Or worse — starts telling everyone without your knowledge? What can we do? Lie about it, burp loudly and bring up the last big sports event?

Fact is — none of them can prove anything unless they catch us dressed. So we deny. Deny and lie. Deny til we die. Deny and hope they don’t catch us. Hiding in plain sight.

So, what do I go and do? I’m starting laser on my face. This is something that really can’t be hidden, especially since I have a heavy beard in male mode. My coworkers, friends, etc? I can tell them I’m just shaving more often. My wife? There’s a different story. I didn’t marry an idiot. The clues I’ve left? Waxed eyebrows and pierced ears. Shaved legs and occasionally my chest. Yeah she’s going to figure it out soon enough, and when she does, it’ll be like that Seal team breaking down that door in Pakistan. I’ll be dead. Out the door.

So why in God’s name am I doing it?

Because to take steps toward being the woman that I am inside, I have to do it. I don’t think I need to explain it more to this crowd do I? You understand. And you have given me words of encouragement on Facebook and in person, for which I thank you.

It’s a big step.

God help me.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion

Sophie Lynne

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Comments (4)

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  1. says:

    Dear Sophie Lynn: In my pretty long CD journey, I have found myself in many encounters and unpleasant situations. I wish I could be totally out-front and just laugh at my detractors or even have a good time with them. But, no, I am a shy girl, and don’t do well in verbal combat when I am the target and when one of my essential aspects is being condemned. My ultimate solution was simply to say, “That’s who I am,” and let it go at that. And you know, I even found more self-acceptance in the process, just feeling really comfortable with “That’s who I am.”
    There were still problems with some people (and I was not happy with those who wanted to express their pity)
    so my whole social structure got rearranged. So very much for the better! And I’m still changing and feeling almost no need to justify myself or all my particular enthusiasms. I need to do the best with myself and not worry about those negatives. And isn’t it wonderful to see all the other girls in their dresses! Sincerely, Kay Montclare

  2. says:

    You life is going to be hell when she finds out you are telling her lies to her! How would you feel if she did not share with you, her wanting to be a man? If you really truly love that person you are married to then keep it hidden until she discovers it! It may end up as a real hateful divorce! Why don’t you get her feelings on how she regards T-people? O.r do you already know?
    You have a very slim chance of keeping a great relationship if you want! If she finds out without your telling her, she will feel hurt and betrayed! She might anyway! I am very lucky! We( My SO and I) have a wonderful relationship we can talk about and share anything! I wish you good luck! I hope it does not go badly for you and your wife! With Love Regina & Sally

  3. says:

    Sophie is going to do, what Sophie needs to do to get out of the dark. I don’t know your wife, however my suggestion would be that you take the bull by the horns: sit down with your wife and let her know what is going on with yourself. As angry and hurt as she may be, that you lied to her will only make matters that much worse. She needs to hear that you will love her no matter what.

  4. says:

    I’m with you good luck its tough at this stage I hope it gets better for us both

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