The Crossdressers’ Wife — The First Time
So many crossdressers wives have no clue that this is a life long condition that begins at 7-10 years of age. Those crucial years when little boys begin their pre-pubescent stage. However, there is that tiny percentage, approximately 1% of the population that grows up a bit different from the norm and crossdressing is a case in point. It is abnormal, unusual and most often so difficult to explain.
How many of you have gone back in time to the first time you ever crossdressed? When was the first time you had a desire to dress up in women’s/girl clothing? What were you feeling? Was it all pleasure? Any fears? What was that like? How much do you recall? The silk? Was it your mother’s clothing or your sister’s? Did you ever tell anyone then? Did you get caught? How did you feel after the first time? How long did it take you to crossdress again?
I pose these questions for a multitude of reasons. Your wives want to know! They sent me to seek out answers. Knowing that 70% of CDs do NOT tell their wives the truth about themselves before marriage — when we do find out — we have questions and a lot of our husbands are still withholding the truth. Time is up for many . . .
Why is it important to do an autopsy on this condition? The more we know, the more empowered we will all be — especially CDs and their wives/partners. Please do this exercise. Revisit in your mind the first time you ever thought about crossdressing or did crossdress.
So many scared CD husbands have contacted me over the years, asking for advice. How do I tell my wife of 20 years that I am crossdressing? Answer: Tell her everything — from the genesis of your condition to your current stage. Tell her what that little boy was feeling and fearing. It is so important for your partner to understand that this is something that has been with you for life — and the feelings are not changing — they escalate. Let her see that confused young boy inside of you (this will help her to have more compassion and understanding).
When many crossdressers wives discover that their husbands were boys when they began crossdressing, for many of us it is a relief in some ways. This means your wife and your marriage has NOTHING to do with you being a crossdresser. Some crossdresser husbands try to blame their condition on their wives. “I wouldn’t be doing this if you blah blah blah. “? BS. Of course you would still be crossdressing — do not blame this on your wife. It is not her fault — nor is it yours. EXCEPT for the honesty factor — that is your responsibility. And I would start with the whole truth and do not forget to say, I AM SO SORRY FOR LYING TO YOU. Some never even have the decency to say they are sorry for pulling the rug out from under their wives — the ones they are supposed to love, adore and protect.
How many of you have ever been in therapy? For those of you who did tell their wives, how did you tell her? Can you offer others, who want to save their marriage, advice on what worked for you when you told your wife/partner that you are a crossdresser? Did any of you bring your wife to a therapist to tell her?
What happened to those who were caught crossdressing? Have you ever told your wife the whole truth about your first time? If so, what was her reaction?
The majority of the population has no idea about what causes crossdressing, when it starts, how it starts, and of course the wives are often the most clueless ones. And they are also the ones who are so often hurt by the lies that often accompany most crossdressers.
Some free advice — if you have not told your wife yet — time is ticking. She will find out. It is a matter of time. How you handle this situation could determine the trajection of your marriage. If anyone is interested in a consultation, please contact me at [email protected].
Blessings,
Dee A Levy
www.crossdresserswives.com
Founder of the NPO: Cross Dressers Wives
The Cross Dressers Wives * Our Secret Lives
Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion
About the Author (Author Profile)
Dee A. Levy is the former spouse of a crossdresser. She has a BA in Women Studies and MA in Social Sciences and Comparative Education. She is the author of The Cross Dresser's Wife -- Our Secret Lives, available at Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, & www.crossdresserswives.com.Subscribe
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Its not a condition, that clearly shows you know very little about it. Most Women ( and men who don’t Crossdress ) jump to conclusions about the person and it is still considered taboo. Its not illegal, its not immoral. Its just different. When you look at it from the point of view of someone with no preconceptions. Its someone wearing clothing that are not assigned to their gender. Yes it looks strange because you don’t see it very often due to men feeling shamed because of how the majority view it. Reality is its people with no understanding or knowledge of the subject due to being told its wrong from a young age are the ones with the need to change their behaviour towards it. Also a large majority don’t wish to make it public, its something they do in private and its no one elses business. Another assumption is that it is a sexual fetish. No man spends 3 or 4 hours ( sometimes longer ) getting fully dressed with wig make up etc. Just to have a 5 minute Wank!! Another assumption is that they will wear their partners Underwear Any self respecting Crossdresser will have much nicer and more expensive lingerie than their Wife. Generally because they won’t have many items if they are hiding it. And if they do steal / Borrow their wife’s knickers. It tells you a lot about their character and morals. Its not because they are a Crossdresser. Education and understanding is what would help. Not asking men to tell you something about a subject they have had to keep hidden their whole lives. You will only attract attention seekers and men for whom it is a fetishism. If wives want answers, they need to talk to their partner and consider their other half would feel guilty about having to lie or keep it secret but they obviously felt they couldn’t confide in their wife due to the view they hold on the Subject. Crossdressers tend to be realists and know that a woman wants a masculine alpha as a soul mate. Not someone feminine. That is not the case. If it is that man is gay and has a husband. Could go on about the rest of the long list of assumptions made about crossdressers but I don’t believe your opinion would change and you don’t have to. Your entitled to have your personal view. Just don’t pretend your looking to understand more or your ok with it. Its more obvious than an old person saying they understand why racism is totally unacceptable. Thee End
Dee,
When I first tried on my mother’s clothes back in the 1060s, I had no idea there was even a word for that activity. I was married a month after turning 21 and while I knew I was interested in soft and silky things I still had no idea that I was a CD. I worked all through school and after graduation had a job that consumed 70-80 hours a week. Then came a house and children.
My knowledge of my interest in dressing grew but time and circumstances did not really permit me an opportunity to crossdress.
It is surely hard enough to explain crossdressing when you do understand it. It is even harder to discuss something that one finds confusing and perplexing.
Your article is wonderful. I did review your prior survey. In this article you pose a plethora of questions…most calling for thought, introspection and detailed explanation. It is not an easy subject.
I am writing to thank you for your artilces on this site and also for the work you do on your other blog.
My wife has long known of this interest of mine. I am sure that she finds it perplexing.
The love my wife to the core of my being. It bothers me greatly to be less than 100% candid with her on any issue. The man in me, however, wants to protect her from everything that may be hurtful or distasteful to her. I know she is entitled to my full candor. I also know that I never want to do anything or be anything that would be hurtful to her.
It is an issue that does not lend itself to easy explanation or resolution.
Please keep writing for the community.
Pat