Testosterone

It took a while after starting this strange-wonderful-inescapable journey of mine to understand the power of testosterone. There is testosterone (‘T’) in all of us. It turns young boys into men and helps women to have energy, stamina and also a satisfying sex drive. It causes beards, big muscles, deep voices, development of manly bits and lots of other interesting things in men. My trans-male friends and acquaintances tell me when they get a shot, the feeling of strength, power and sexual drive is exhilarating. For a pretty good description of all the things ‘T’ does for you, have a look at the Wikipedia entry.

Growing up

When I was pre-pubescent, I don’t remember feeling out of sync with my body, but once I crossed the magic line and my voice began to crack, hair started appearing in strange places and my parts began to develop, I knew there was something terribly wrong. I didn’t want those changes. It wasn’t who I was. I saw girls getting curves and breasts and gaining the unmistakable shape of young women and I knew that’s what I wanted too. I was in the wrong body! I didn’t know I was trans*. It was the late 1950s-early 1960s, a long time ago, and transgender folk weren’t on the radar in small-town America. One thing I did know for certain was I wanted to look like them and not like the then me.

Testosterone poisoning

It’s a term I did not know of until many years later, but I look back and see how testosterone poisoning is appropriate. I remember my body reacting in ways that were unintentional and embarrassing. I still recall having overwhelming desires and raging emotions. As a teenager in a small Ohio farming community, masculinity was all the rage and manly desires, thoughts, bravado and actions were lauded by peers and male parents proudly stated, “My boy’s a man!” I didn’t like the feeling of being out of control, which was thrown on top of everything else going on in my brain. I was a mess, physically and emotionally.

Jump ahead to parenthood

I became a father at the age of 35, so about 10-12 years from then my son started puberty. Having a front row seat to the effects of ‘T’ on a sweet, intelligent young man was an amazing sight. I saw all of the things I did not want as a young person taking place in my son. I also saw all of the effects that fuel a young man coming of age. I began calling it Testosterone Poisoning. I know I didn’t invent the term, but I sure understand what it does. From puberty on, the effects do much to control the behavior of men. Most I know revel in its effects, while their wives, girlfriends, significant others feel the effects, occasionally adversely.

Getting rid of the poison

One of the best days ever was when my gender-med doctor gave me two prescriptions for Estradiol and Spironolactone. I began to cure myself of ‘T’ poisoning. The effects are remarkable. I love the physical changes, but the mental ones are the best. The calmness, the lessening of my aggressive nature and becoming a more caring person have been some of the benefits of these medications and living as I truly am. I wish I had done this back in the 1960s. What a change it would have made.

It’s not all bad

All of us need ‘T’ in some amount. Both males and females produce it, so it’s a natural thing. I’m thrilled my ‘T’ numbers are way down and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I had an idea. Wouldn’t it be nice if testosterone could be siphoned off those of us who don’t want it and donated to those who do? There should be a way those of us in the Trans* community can give away the ‘T’ and get the ‘E’ in return, or vice versa. It would save us all a lot of money.

Tags: featured, Identity, testosterone, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul