Androgyny

I have been following TG Forum for many years. Like most people to whom gender is a significant part of their identity, I am kind of all-over-the-place regarding how I see myself and how I like to present myself. And, like others, I have restraints placed on me by my age, employment, family, and social environments, which I have chosen or am placed within by the economic, cultural, and geographic dynamics of my life. I am a man (senior citizen) who has worked in government, business, and non-profit for many years and who is essentially retired at this moment – after several returns-to-work.

I have been crossdressing since adolescence, but I have recollections of fascination with female clothing and accessories as a child as far back as I can remember. At this time in my life, my compulsion is as strong as ever. I still find joy in donning the latest fashion in women’s clothing whenever I have the desire and opportunity. And yet, I spend most of my life dressing appropriately as the husband, father, and grandfather that I am. I live in the Midwest in a relatively large metropolitan area and yet there really is no anonymity because every city is still a small-town in many ways. We see the people we see frequently if, for no other reason, the simple patterns of movement to which most of us are drawn.

As much as I like wearing feminine clothing, would I do it full-time if I had the opportunity? I don’t really know, but I would not mind trying it for a while. Right now, while I do dress completely, I do not completely shave my body and I do not wear makeup. I have shaved enough to be convincing and worn modest makeup in the past, but not for years. I have for nearly forty years worked out (mostly running) to stay in shape. Additionally, I am kind of a perpetual motion machine. I stay pretty fit. Over the years I have learned how to exercise so that my physique can look like a slender male or a pretty fit woman. Additionally, I often wear shaping garments that pull in my midsection well enough to emphasize my hips and natural breast. I sometimes wear silicone breast inserts, but can get by without them if my shaping garments push up my pectorals effectively enough to resemble breasts.

I’ve read a lot about how other CDs or “Gender Fluid” people behave regarding their fascinations. For me, I have developed an androgynous style that seems to work. I clearly present as a man without really concealing that most if not all of the clothing I wear is designed to be worn by women. Most of my jeans are Miss’s size 4 to 8, low rise (or not), skinny or boot-cut. I have them in an assortment of colors, but mostly blue of various shades. I like them to have relatively wide belt loops, so I can wear one of my many designer belts. A nice buckle is both a distraction and a source of many comments and compliments. I can wear some sort of jeans in any weather and not seem odd.

For tops, these depend a lot on the weather -– short or long sleeve –- thin material or sweater. I have a lot of what might be called “athletic women’s tops.” Some of them are pretty colorful and have an infinite array of necklines or sleeves – many are like tank tops. I generally stay away from those with an elaborate fringe if I’m trying to be discreet, but sometimes the right fringe doesn’t hurt. The last couple of winters, I have found waist-length sweater jackets that zip up and form fit to the torso. They enhance a feminine shape. When my jean-tops show under the sweater, it also enhances the appearance of my hips.

Around the house while getting ready, I often wear high-heel pumps, sandals, or boots with my androgynous attire. But when I’m ready to go out, I have to make the big decision about footwear. The wrong shoe can spoil the whole thing one way or the other. If the shoe is too masculine, why bother? If the shoe is too dressy-feminine, it would look out of place on anyone. I usually pick a sort of heel or wedge which is definitely appropriate feminine footwear, but a style that an unconventional or progressive man might try. If I can walk well in them, it usually sells the look. And, believe me, after more than forty years in all kinds of heels, I CAN walk in them. Below are some pictures of the way I frequently venture out.

I have worn the outfits on the left and center out and about. The one on the right is the same outfit as the left, but with some maroon suede booties with stiletto heels. The funny thing that most CDs and women know is that a stiletto is often easier to negotiate than a stacked or broader based heel. I could pull it off, but getting caught in a street grate might spoil the illusion. That said these booties (below) are incredibly comfortable and a source of comment – who knew?

I have written often my personal blog-site about the reactions I have gotten while dressed androgynously. I get a favorable response too often to be merely by chance. Usually men say nothing even if they notice that I seem to be wearing a kind of feminine outfit. The men who have commented have done so with statements like, “looks kind of European.” But women comment frequently and (so far) always favorably. Again, it seems that if I am not self-conscious or awkward, they’re inclined to accept that it is just a different look. I guess if it’s a look that works at all, it can work for a man.

My latest story about this phenomenon happened last week when I had to go to the county offices to transfer our personal property tax. I was dressed in the outfit on the left above, wearing my new fringed peep-toe booties for the first time out. The first thing that happened and was quite awkward was passing through security at the county building which also houses the courts. The deputies obviously noticed my unusual look, but simply asked me to remove everything from my pockets to place in a bin to go through detectors. I did so, but when I tried to go through, I got a buzz. The asked me to remove my belt. I did that, but still got a buzz. One deputy commented that it was my shoes, but he did not ask me to remove them. Had he done so, it would have been absolutely clear that they were women’s booties.

Then, after getting put back together, I proceeded to the property tax office. I checked in and waited about thirty minutes for a clerk assignment. When called, I had to walk through the group of other waiting customers and some clerks. I entered a large office area with about eight numbered desks divided by small partitions. I went to the assigned clerk and sat across from her at the desk. I presented all my materials and quickly found that I needed a second year’s receipt from my previous county. I had just obtained the first year on-line that morning and was skeptical that I could get through the switchboard in a timely manner.

Nonetheless, the clerk said if I wanted to try to reach them to fax the additional receipt, I could step into the adjoining room. As I did this, I notice she and several other clerks looking at my shoes and half smiling and/or laughing. I did not react. I just stayed on-task and made the connection. Within several minutes, I’d made the arrangements and the fax was on its way.

When I returned to the clerk, she acknowledged that she had received the fax. Next, as she looked through my three vehicle titles, she observed that my wife’s name was on each. She asked me if I had a copy of my wife’s identification – I did not. She told me that she could not process the transfer without it. Since my wife was on the way to the dentist, she could not stop to fax a copy. I asked if there was anything we could do to prevent a return trip. She asked for a moment to consult her supervisor. She came back to the desk with the supervisor who asked if we had previously resided in the county. When I replied that we had, she instructed the clerk to find the old account and simply reactivate it. She did so and with few other glitches and about thirty minutes, we got it done.

As she was completed the data entry, I thanked her for her extra effort. She surprised me and said, “I was glad to do it, but could you tell me where you got those shoes?” I told her that I got them at “Off Broadway.” She said they were beautiful and that they looked nice on me. I laugh and acknowledged that they might seem unusual. She said, “So what, you’re wearin’ them, man.”

It always takes some courage when I go out dressed in women’s clothes. I wonder if I’m going to be confronted with outright disdain or disapproval. So far, though, I have mostly experienced a neutral or approving response, or no response at all. I’m certain that there are plenty of laughs that I miss and discussions after I leave, but I don’t mind. If I were in the group observing me, I would join in the comments – I have at other times. I’m sure my support of other men’s choices has puzzled my companions, or they just think I’m liberated. Little do they know how “Liberated?”
That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!

Here’s a few other shots to show my creds for getting ALL dressed up. I would love to go out in any of these outfits, but just haven’t had the courage and/or opportunity as yet. I think I could do it if my wife went along with it, but she would not. Maybe NEXT Halloween?

Tags: androgyny, featured, Identity

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion