Telling Our Story — A Crossdresser does Outreach

At times it is not an easy thing to be a crossdresser anywhere. And right or wrong, my perception from living here, is that the upper Midwest is one of the tougher places for a guy to embrace his feminine side. Faced with that perception I had two options. One would be to try to repress that side of my persona. The other was to find safe things to do and safe places to dress.

I have always believed that when you repress something that is a part of yourself you potentially give up on your quality of life as well as add stress to daily living. I have never had a psychiatric evaluation but a counselor I saw told me I most represented a transient (short in duration) stress-related crossdresser. The more I thought about it the more I realized that described me very well. I embraced that and did my best to emulate women as well as I could when dressed, as I wanted to believable as a lady. Once I had developed my look I went shopping , well out of the area where I live, and in bigger cities where it’s easy to get lost in the crowd.

Honestly, I did not pass every time but when I did get “clocked” I began to get comments like, “You are doing what a lot of guys wish they could do.”

“I love seeing someone who is having fun just being themselves.” And my favorite, ” If my husband could look that good I would make him dress up and go shopping with me.”

The comments gave me confidence to begin interacting, at first with store clerks, and later with other gals out shopping. I found that in general very few people are threatened by a crossdresser who is striving to look their best, plus act the part. And I’ve found that if you are even the least bit approachable people have questions. Once you answer their questions you diffuse any issues they have about crossdressers. The more comfortable I became answering questions, the more I relaxed and could enjoy my feminine persona to a higher degree.

When I spoke with a hairdresser friend who has always helped me with my wigs she asked if I would make myself available to answer questions to co-workers at her salon. Apparently she often got questions from other customers about me bringing wigs in and if I was a crossdresser. So after they closed the salon one evening I dropped by for a question and answer session prior to their employee meeting. It was very enjoyable to answer their questions as they were curious and my goal was that the next crossdresser who stopped in that salon would be better understood and would feel more comfortable.

My counselor suggested that we do the same Q & A session with her co-workers as the crossdressing subject came up from time to time in her practice and she felt that there was a lack of understanding from her staff. This session went over very well also but the questions were more in-depth coming from people with a mental health background.

At one of the cities I shop in and spend time in as feminine me, I often go to the local beauty school to get my wig styled. I have always gotten along very well with the director of the school and I asked her if the students were ever uncomfortable when I was there. Her response was, “Do you want to ask them yourself.” I said, “Sure.”

We talked more and she explained that they have theory studies as part of their schooling and I was welcome to come and ask questions if I did not mind being asked questions as well. We set a time for me to attend their theory classroom studies and it could not have gone better. I was first amazed at how insightful their questions were and how non-afraid they were of asking questions across a very broad range. It was the most fun I have ever had doing advocacy speaking on behalf of crossdressers.

Putting yourself out there takes a leap of faith but here is why I have found value in doing this. Women were once discriminated against in this country but they went out and fought for their rights and now they have them. Gays and lesbians were once highly discriminated against in this country and it seems to be getting  better all the time but they had to go out and fight for those rights. Do crossdressers do enough to fight for their rights and break through real or perceived barriers — or do we hang back and play it safe? I don’t want notoriety from advocacy speaking but I know that the first person that cuts the path through the forest makes it tremendously easier for those that follow. That is my goal! It will never come overnight but it will come in time and enlightenment is a good thing to be able to pass on to others.

First and foremost be conscious of the audience you are speaking to. Keep to safe spaces. The saloon in the tough part of town may not be the ideal place to start. I hope to do more of this and it is a learn as you go process but so far the responses have been very positive and I have enjoyed myself and found something else I can do as feminine me that is productive, rewarding for me and hopefully creates a safer environment for us all.

I have given presentations as an advocate for the past three years. The first year to my friends co-workers and the counselor group. The second year to the beauty school. After presenting there the first time I have an open invitation to come back and present to future classes. The third year I talked again to the counselor group and the beauty school and this year was planning again to present to the beauty school while also was working with another counselor to present at one of the colleges in my state. The best laid plans sometimes don’t work out and personal issues have gotten in the way of my speaking plans.

These issues have made me put not just my public speaking but my feminine expression on hold. I will follow through with the obligations I made to speak but once they are taken care of I may not speak in this state any longer. Looking to the future I want to continue to speak out about crossdressing but needing to do such speaking farther afield has lead me to  write this post for TGForum. I am hoping others who are now doing outreach and advocacy, or those who would like to in the future, will read this post and use TGForum as a meeting place where we can discuss ideas on how best to spread the message that crossdressers are not a threat or in any way odd. Perhaps some of you reading this now can point me to some of those farther afield speaking opportunities, and, if you are in similar circumstances to mine, I may be able to network you to the places in my state that I can no longer speak at.

There is my proposal. Meet me on the Discussion Board and let’s chat.

Tags: Activist, advocacy, crossdressing, opinion, outreach, public speaking

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion