Shelley Anne Interviews Activist Tessa White

Tessa White

Tessa White a proud transgender female born in Oklahoma City, but grew up in Philadelphia, Pa. She moved back to Oklahoma City in 2009 and has been a part of what she calls the amazing LGBTQ+ community ever since.

She is the proud parent to five children, including two sets of twins. White is a U.S. Marine Corps Veteran and a retired Detective Sergeant from the Seacoast Region of New Hampshire. Currently, she is the owner of an HVAC business called Twinstar Heat and Air in Oklahoma City and a licensed unlimited mechanical contractor in Oklahoma. Possessing an Associates degree in Heating and Air Conditioning, she is currently six credits shy for her bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice. White says she cannot even begin to express the endless pride she feels toward the LGBTQ+ community, especially in Oklahoma City.

White has been a guest speaker at numerous transgender events and has facilitated numerous transgender support group meetings within Oklahoma City.

Among White’s numerous community leadership roles are President (and first ever transgender President) of Oklahoma City Pride 2021. She currently serves as Treasurer of Oklahoma City Pride. Other community roles include Former Vice President of PFLAG OKC, Board Member, the Oklahoma City Diversity Center, Board Member and Guard, Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Oklahoma City LGBTQ+ Advisor at the Veterans Hospital in Oklahoma City on LGBTQ+ related issues, and former Board Member, Diversity Business Association, Oklahoma City, Former Oklahoma City Pride Parade Co-Chair Member of the National Leather Association and involvement in the leather community and the Gears Club in Oklahoma City.

TGF: What have been your roles leading OKC Pride and the community at large?

Ms. White: Oklahoma City has a thriving gay district and by proclamation of the city our gay district was born some years ago. We have a gay hotel and numerous bars and shops within our gay district. I fell in love with our gay district and have proclaimed my rebirth there on numerous occasions. Our gay district is located on Northwest 39^TH Street and I have always called myself a 39^th street kid.

During the time of our Pride elections of 2020, I was involved in several other community boards. I was out at meetings every night of the week. The night of the elections I was working and sent word that I would be unable to attend. Within hours I found out that our community voted me in as OKC Pride Vice President. I broke down in tears and was humbled beyond belief. To be voted in without even being present was an honor of a lifetime. Within two months the President resigned at which time I was officially voted in as President. The first transgender president of OKC Pride in our 34 year history.

I took the position super seriously and for the next year I attended meeting after meeting, fundraisers, and did everything I could to make sure our team was prepared. We signed a contract with Todrick Hall, a singer, songwriter, choreographer, and YouTuber who gained national attention on the ninth season of American Idol as our headliner and enlisted other entertainment to the tune of a $150k budget. Our Pride celebration was said to be the best ever. We had a large parade and were delighted to have Langston University marching band as our finale. It took me months to recover from all the work and excitement. I was never so proud to belong to such as amazing organization and my teammates on OKC Pride deserve all the credit. It will be a highlight of my life that I shall never forget.

I resigned the following February. As owner of a heating and air conditioning business, I had no other choice but to give 100% during the summer months to my business. It was heartwarming when the board asked me to stay on as treasurer and assured me that they would see to it that I had plenty of time to work on my business. Our board cleared the way for me and because of them I was able to fulfill being treasurer and business owner.

My message has always been to fight back. I have a large following on social media and a lot of my posts surround the trials and tribulations of being a trans female in Oklahoma. From getting sucker punched by a gay man in our district to counter demonstrating at a Trump rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I have always said, and have demonstrated by my own actions, to never give up and to fight back. I live a very open and out and proud life in the reddest of red states of our nation. It is my mission to let others know, gay, lesbian, or trans, that living your truth is within your control and that if I can do it, anyone can.

My time spent with PFLAG Oklahoma City was most meaningful to me. Working with the parents of queer children always pulled at my heart strings. I never thought I would leave PFLAG OKC but in the end, the discrimination I felt at the hands of two gay board members left me with no other choice to resign. After four years with the organization, I was heartbroken, and this is the first I ever spoke of it. I support PFLAG with all my heart but remain dismayed that the same two board members still serve today. PFLAG of Norman, Oklahoma is a shining example of how a PFLAG organization should operate, my respect to them.

So yeah, my life is rainbows, morning, noon and night and I want it no other way. I have done so much in my life and just recently I fully realized that everything I have been through in my life has prepared me to serve the gay community the way I do, right here, right now. The love I get back from our people is what keeps me going and their happiness brings me happiness. Having a voice in our community is an honor that I have never taken lightly.

I must also recognize the gay men of Oklahoma City for the role they have played in my life. My parents disowned me years ago. My gay friends stepped right in and became my mom and dad. When a trans hater comes at me, my gay friends are always there to protect me. When I need a shoulder to cry on they are there. When I need a dinner date, want to go to the movies or go get my nails done I can count on my gay friends to be there. They are my parents, my brothers, and yes sisters too (Tessa says laughingly), my confidants, my knights in shining armor and yes, sometimes my lovers. I learned how to walk and talk all over again within gay culture and I will be forever indebted to the gay men of Oklahoma City and the loving way in which they took me under their wing and instilled the confidence in me to have a voice, to walk with attitude, to love what I see looking back in the mirror and most importantly they taught me to be proud of myself and my people. I sure do love those guys with all my heart, I owe them so much.

TGF: Why the gender change?

Ms. White: Oh, I am still very much a femdom. I got so sick and tired of the whiney, crying trans chasers and the fact that most of them will only see me at night and will never go out in public with me. So, I decided to turn that around and learned really fast that it was me who was going to use them. Do exactly what I say, give me what I want, or I would politely tell them to leave. It did not take long before it became addicting and I found myself in total control all the time, I love it. I have several LGBTQ+ subs in my family and there is not anything I would not do for them. Being a femdom has made me a much better person and it gave me ultimate satisfaction in dealing with the chasers.

I have been on MTF hormones for nine years. I came out trans about seven years ago. I have had breast augmentation and love the new girls, but I have never considered giving up my twig and berries. I am very happy with who I am, and I am super grateful that I found my place in this world. Being trans in Oklahoma is a horror show at times, but I would not trade my life for anything. I suppose if I were lesbian, I would be called a chapstick lesbian. I love my feminine side, but I am not overly feminine. I do own a heat and air business and my uniforms are short shorts with pink shirts. But the construction guys all know that, and respect is the name of the game, and I can do anything they can.

TGF: Your feelings about future potential Supreme Court rulings?

Ms. White: If the supreme court strikes down the Obergefell ruling, we are all in big trouble and I fear the day is coming. I also feel there is a lesson to be learned and that none of us can afford to become complacent ever again.

As a trans female, I have attended memorial services of our murdered family members, attended funerals of transgender suicide victims, been punched in the face, spit on, called unthinkable names and have stood by and watched my status as a trans woman be erased before my very eyes. I attended the Trans Unity March in Washington D.C. in 2019, and saw transgender humans demonstrating by the thousands, but I did not see many gays or lesbians there and I was somewhat disappointed.

Since the New York City Stonewall riots of 1969 and 1970, the straight population was horrified to see our gay army step forward and assert their rights as human beings. We were furious, we unified, and we showed the world that we were not going to be walked on. Gay Pride is a protest, I think some of us have lost sight of this fact.

June 2015, gay marriage was legalized and here we are seven years later and look what is happening. The religious right has gay marriage in their crosshairs and how scary this is. It is super scary, and I know this because they despise the trans population and we remain at war with them. Trans rights are still 30 behind gay rights. We have never felt the glory days and have never stopped fighting. The gay and lesbian population on the other hand have become a little too confident and have concentrated too much on the celebration and not enough on the protest. We need to fight, we need to live out and proud and we need to make it unequivocally clear that our rights, our right to live and our human rights are just as important as the straight population and that we need to do, whatever we need to do to get that point across.

TGF: Talk about you HVAC business.

Ms. White: I own a heat and air business called Twinstar HVAC Incorporated. I am the heat and air provider for the LGBTQ+ community in the Oklahoma City metro area, and I am damn proud of it. Almost all of my customers are LGBTQ or our allies. I do not want hateful customers and I would rather starve to death than work for a transphobes or homophobes. I openly advertise as a LGBTQ+ business, on Facebook, on my website and my work vans. We just recently launched our website, and I am super excited how it turned out.

When I first transitioned, I was worried about how I would live as many of my customers abandoned me. Within months I was inundated with calls from the LGBTQ+ community and became instantly overwhelmed with a huge workload. How awesome is that? I am so grateful. My son now works with me, and we are working on a program to help our homeless LGBRQ+ youth go to trade school and be able to get hired in well-paying professional trade jobs. I want to pay this forward and I want to see our people succeed. Sometimes all they need is a chance.

TGF: Is there a Golden Rule by which you love?

Ms. White: I am a retired patrol and detective sergeant from the Boston area, I am a Marine Corps Veteran, and I am the father of five children. I have seen a lot in my day but hands down, most of my most important life’s lessons, I have learned the hard way since transitioning. My friends and I repeat this saying often and we say, ‘keep it real’. So many of us get lost in social status, trying to re-discover ourselves, trying to fit it. I say just keep it real and make sure that your inner self shines through. So many of us have been through so much, we have become some rather remarkable human beings. We need to remember who we are is absolutely enough and the sum of our experiences makes us the incredible people we are today.

TGF: Who has had the most impact on my life?

Ms. White: I gave this a lot of thought, and I kept coming back to the same conclusion, my ex-wife. I was married for 18 years and though we are divorced we are still best friends. As a male I was angry, depressed, and all the other things that goes along with living in the wrong body. She never let me lose sight of how to bring peace and serenity into my life and how to appreciate the little things. She especially was instrumental during my transition on keeping my relationships with my children intact. There were some very stressful time periods, but I could always count on her to have my back. She was truly the love of my life, but we realized that we both needed to find happiness on our own terms, so we divorced. I am very involved with my children, so I get to see my ex almost every day, along with her very handsome boyfriend. As most of us know during our transitions, the certainty of our future is full of questions and instability. I will forever owe my ex-wife so much for loving me and helping to launch my new life into the huge success that it is.

TGF: How do you keep in shape?

Ms. White: I have always stayed in good shape, but I must confess that after almost a decade on hormones, staying in shape is more challenging than ever. I had a few knee injuries during my police career, and I am a former long-distance runner and now my poor knees are a mess. Running is out of the question, so I do a lot of walking and hiking here in Oklahoma City.

There is a nearby lake that has a biking and hiking trail around it. About 14 miles. It is like a mini paved road, and I cherish my time there. During the winter months I average four to six miles per day. It is my form of meditation. I have had some sad and very frustrating moments there as well. The bicyclists are not very nice at times. I have been called faggot several times along with other horrible comments. I am not one that takes such name calling lightly so it really affects me.

During the summer months I sweat it out doing grueling heat and air work, I do not have much time to get on the trails, but trust me, I get plenty of physical exercise in the Oklahoma, with 100-plus daytime temperatures. I love the outdoors and spend a lion’s share of my life outside.

I was a vegetarian for years but went back to eating seafood last year. My two sets of twins (ages 13 and 18) are vegetarian by choice. I do not eat red meat and try to limit my alcohol intake. We all know that being heavily involved in any gay district will involve the constant temptation to consume alcohol and I am proud to say that I have really scaled back on drinking.

I would also like to add that I walk the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon every year. I walk the half marathon and have done so for the past five years. It is such a positive environment and lots of our community participates. A bunch of us walk together draped in our gay attire.

TGF: As our world keeps changing, hat are you looking for in life?

Ms. White: I had the most optimistic mindset on life, and it was no different when I transitioned. I felt like I had the world at my feet and there was nothing I could not accomplish. Little by little that optimism was eroded with the realism of where society places the transgender population. I realized that gay men would not date trans women, straight men only wanted to have sex with us and that the lesbians never showed any interest. I have always had a significant other but as a trans female I found myself with hundreds of friends, yet no one that was interested romantically. Secretly gays and straights would tell me they would love to date but for whatever reason they could not. I realized that trans people were held in a lowly place, even within the LGBTQ+ communities and for the first time in my life I experienced what loneliness was. Do not get me wrong, I have a huge friend group and am surrounded by amazing people. I am super busy and rarely get a minute to myself. The loneliness I speak of is the loneliness of the heart, the feeling of constant rejection and the damage that can be done to one’s soul when thoughts of not being good enough start to creep in.

I worked really hard to learn how to live alone and be content and happy. I have learned to cook, love my house, spend a lot of time with my children and have learned to love my blanket, glass of wine and a good movie. I have found happiness in being alone and I appreciate my independence. I learned to love being the captain of my own ship.

What I would love to see in my life, and for the rest of the transgender population as well, is for our people to be accepted in our society. I am worn down and tired of putting on a game face every day in public to keep the haters back. I am tired of people staring, sick of the comments and people laughing at me and I have had it with the straight population looking down their noses at me. I always have a reply for any insult that is thrown at me, and it takes a lot of me to be that way, but I am a fighter, a warrior, and a proud activist. It is my duty to fight back.

I want peace and I want acceptance. I want religion out of my life, and I want to be treated like a human being. I want the same rights and freedoms as everyone else in this country. Living as a transgender female is the hardest thing I have ever done, and it does not need to be this way and I refuse to accept it. Coming out as transgender has been the most exciting and rewarding time of my life. I would not trade it for anything. I just wish this war would be over. I want to feel safe, and I want to go to sleep at night and dream of a wonderful future. This of all things is what I want.

Tags: Activist, featured, Tessa White

Category: Interview