Pushing the Boundaries

I think it’s fair to say that all of us in the T community have our own personal milestones, our own targets or objectives (consciously or sub-consciously); things or targets which we aim for and then, often before we know it, which have passed by or been accomplished.

We may not quite have a “to-do” or “bucket-list” but, gradually, as we progress on our T journey we “tick-off” some of those things which we achieve, many of which, perhaps, we could never have imagined doing, let’s say 3, 4 or 5 years earlier!

In my case, many of my “accomplishments” center around the ability and increasing confidence to go out and about en-femme, undetected, almost unseen and undisturbed. When I take time to reflect, I certainly have been doing things and visited places over the last few years which were previously quite unimaginable to me.

If you think back, for example, recall how hard, how almost overwhelmingly stressful it was to take your first steps out of the comfort of your home when you were first dressing; how difficult it was to get the courage to step out into the big wide world and let your true self be seen by all who cared to look; how intimidating it was to be out in public, surrounded by other people who you felt might be staring at you, making judgements (and perhaps comments) on your appearance.

Happily most of us get over this; get better and better with our presentation as a female (if that’s what we want) and move on and upward. I should say here that, rightly or wrongly, I am one of those in our community who does like to “blend in,” who does like to be able to move about unobtrusively as a female in an external environment—and I appreciate that there are those amongst us who simply don’t care what others think or how they look or stand out . . . but to me it’s important to look the part!

Anyway, what I am coming around to saying is that I feel I am blessed in being able to move around freely and unchallenged as a female; no-one pays much attention to yet another middle-aged woman going about her business, whether this be in shopping centers, supermarkets, restaurants; or on various modes of transport such as underground trains, ferries, buses, or even planes.

At least once every year I vacation full time in female mode, ensuring I only take enough male clothing to wear when passing border controls (simply to avoid any run-ins with less than liberal or uncooperative immigration officials). I usually stay in hotels or rent an apartment for a few weeks or so at a time. This has worked well for the last few years and I have not encountered any problems with anyone I have met, whether this be staff or other guests—although I accept that, in many ways staying in such places allows a degree of anonymity and the staff are trained not to care too much about what their guests look like as long as they behave and pay their bill!

This last trip I took, however, was slightly different. Firstly, it was much longer than previously (just on two months) and, as a result, the overall costs of traveling were going to be much higher. Being naturally budget conscious (except, of course, when it comes to buying dresses, skirts tops, shoes etc!) I sought an alternative to hotels or the more expensive apartment accommodation I had stayed in previously and sought out AirBnB type accommodation.

Certainly cheaper on the whole—but with the downside that such accommodation was unlikely to be consistent in standards. The other big challenge was, of course, that I was traveling en-femme. So, in cases where the space available was not a self-contained unit in someone’s garden or basement, it would be necessary, especially in major cities, to stay within someone’s home, often with shared bathroom and dining facilities.

I thought hard and long about booking such places with shared facilities, partly as you never know what type of host you are going to encounter or how they are going to react to a T-person coming to stay (notwithstanding, as readers will probably know, AirBnB have a written policy forbidding home hosts to discriminate or reject any guest on race, ethnicity, sexual preference or gender grounds). Also, staying in such situations meant that there was “no escape” — I had to appear as a female all of time I was in the home—quite a challenge believe me!

In the end, I decided to go for it. I was careful in picking hosts, generally aiming for accommodation with female hosts. I thought about letting the host know in advance about my T-status but then decided that they didn’t really need to know before I arrived, plus, importantly, such information becomes public in written communication with their hosts.

Fortunately, it all worked out well and most of my hosts were amiable, happy to chat and share life stories—plus, to my great pleasure, two of them wanted to keep in touch as friends even now after I’ve returned home.

To some, it may not sound much of an achievement for a T-girl to travel around and stay with strangers in their homes. However, for me, I was more than pleased with the reactions I received and it was just further affirmation that the more you push the boundaries of being visible as a T-person, just being yourself, and carry on with your day to day life, then there is seemingly less and less to worry about.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, Out & About, Transgender, travel

Category: Out & About, Transgender Body & Soul