N vs. N

It’s an old debate, isn’t it? Is it in a person’s nature to be good/evil/whatever or do they learn it during their lives? That’s right, the old Nature vs. Nurture argument. Don’t worry; I’m not going to go THAT deep on you. Promise.

Anyway, science tells us that being Transgender is NATURE. We are born this way. If you want to see some current theory, look Here. We are who we are —  and many of us celebrate that. Some of us don’t: some feel intense shame. And that’s normal as well; Internalized Transphobia. Some people never express it or never connect to what it is that is haunting them; sort of like Roy Neary with his mashed potatoes.

So if we are who we are and that is Nature, then what is Nurture? I say it’s everything else about being Transgender.

Genetic women (generalizing here) are socialized as women from birth. They play with baby dolls as pretend mothers. They learn fashion and communication skills, such as empathy by playing with other girls in games like “House” or with their Barbies. We who are genetically male were socialized as boys (again, generalizing.) Our play was meant to build muscle, coordination, and skills useful to hunt/defend, to get all caveman about it. While girls learn to express their emotions, boys learn to repress them.

All of this is NURTURE.

We in the community nurture each other. We’ve all seen that one Tgirl, who has finally worked up the amazing amount of courage to go out the first time in public. And she’s at a TG event in a bar wearing, say, an evening gown. Not exactly appropriate. Or a miniskirt that is so short everyone can see her lack of tucking skills. Yes, all of us who have gone out have seen her, and most of us were her.

In my case, I went out my first time with a bad wig, an okay outfit, ugliest shoes ever, and no makeup. I went to a Renaissance meeting and to a Christmas party, followed by my first time at Angela’s Laptop Lounge dance party. It was there that one of the most caring people I ever met, Jone, took me aside and gave me some pointers. I never forgot that. Not long after, I met my “Big Sister” Mel, who has been giving me advice ever since. And now I am in that role — the role of the experienced woman helping out the newcomers. This is ALL Nurture.

When one of us is feeling very down, we come to her aid. We try to cheer her up or, if necessary, get her professional help. When one of us has a triumph or milestone, we celebrate with her. If a Tgirl is lucky enough to live near others, such as us here in the Philadelphia area, we tend to hang out together, sharing the fun and the pain. Some of us even live together, sharing the financial burdens as well as the mental ones. This is all also Nurture.

All of us experienced Transpeople are here today because of both Nature AND Nurture. Nature made us (unless you want to get existential), while nurture keeps us going. Our community is OUR way of being socialized — the socialization that we all DIDN’T get because of an accident of birth.

We are who we are. We are Trans. And none of us are truly alone. Nurture others, and allow yourself to be guided and nurtured. In these ways we are a Community, and in our community, we have strength. And our strength is growing. It grows as WE grow. As people.

As Women.

Tags: featured, nature/nurture, Transgender, Transition, Transsexual

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion