My Drive to a New Life

On the road.

Last year, at this time, I was on an epic journey across this vast and beautiful country. After 3 tumultuous years, I was finally escaping the clutches of South Carolina, where I moved to with my partner Jess in Fall 2011. Since the beginning of transition and even the year before, fall has been a time of change. Perhaps it’s the change of season with the end of Summer and the aging of the year that triggers something inside of me. Fall is my favorite time of year. It always has been. I am a fan of the warm sunshine and the cool, sweet air that seems to blow from a refreshing direction. Football, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and fall movies are some of my favorites.

Last year, my partner and I had planned to drive to The Bay Area from Columbia, SC. We were broken up at the time but were, and still are, very good friends. We figured it would be easier to face the challenge together, just like when we moved from Baltimore to South Carolina. This was a little different. It would be a long move. So much happened that was unexpected during this move. Somehow, this trip became derailed in Denver. Life happens. I chose to stupidly follow my heart instead of my brain, and I ended up heading toward the Pacific Northeast instead of my goal destination of San Francisco.

Two for the road.

It turned out to be a very bad decision since it had me, only two weeks later, being thrown out into the streets by a fellow transwoman whom, I thought, loved me. I did get to see and stay in the lovely city of Seattle, however. Seattle was much, much better than Tacoma. The skyline and Puget Sound with Mt. Rainier in the distance rising like a snowy giant is incredible and memorable. I stayed with a trans couple there in the city. The view was spectacular from their city condo. I briefly thought about settling there. I could have stayed with them in an extra room until I got on my feet. I liked Seattle, but it was a bit gloomy for my tastes. It was not San Francisco either. I felt like I was compromising.

I was on a mission. I had gotten derailed, but now I had renewed drive to get to The Bay Area. I was dead set on it. Ever since my family landed here on the way back from Hawaii in 1982, I wanted to return. Nothing else would do. I HAD to find out what living in this area was like. I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least make an attempt. I said my goodbyes to the rainy, cool Pacific Northwest, and headed South for The Bay Area.

I arrived at California border on Oct 26, 2014. I stayed one night in a little town north of Mt. Shasta. The next day, I was going to make my triumphant entrance into The beautiful Bay Area. After 32 long years of waiting and wondering, I was finally on the precipice. On October 27, 2014 I would finally get back to ole’ San Francisco. I got up that day with anticipation and a slight nervousness. This was the day. I breathed in the crisp, California morning air, and set off south on I-5.

I squealed as I caught my first sight of The City from the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge. I was here! I saw the gleaming, iconic Trans-America building far in the distance and I just knew. It’s a great feeling to accomplish something like this. It’s a completion of a journey. It’s a microcosm of my trans journey. Actually, it’s a big part of my journey. As much as moving to South Carolina was a part, so was this trip. This one was pretty epic though. So many people dream of this exact trip and cannot do it. I feel very brave and very lucky to have been able to make it happen.

I never expected what I found when I got here. It’s much different than I expected. Things are tougher. San Francisco and the beauty of the land though, are even better than I thought or remembered. One of the first things I did was visit the redwoods in Muir Woods. Those giant, ancient trees were an inspiration and told me I was not in South Carolina anymore. I was in a new and strange land. This land is my saving grace. When things are getting to be too much, when the people are driving me crazy, when the money is tight…I always have the beautiful and enduring land.

I am living the next chapter of my life. I am making plans to take advantage of the trans healthcare that insurance pays for here in California. It will complete my transition. I will stay until that point and for the time it takes to heal. Beyond that, I don’t know. I am not sure what the next chapter will be. Maybe it will be a homecoming back to the East. Maybe I will stay. The one constant…it’s my decision, my journey.

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Tags: featured, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul