Miss Understood
We live in a wonderful time when the existence of trans people is being recognized more than it has ever been. Just a few decades ago the only thing known by the general public concerning trans identities were professional female impersonators and transsexuals like Christine Jorgensen. Little did the public know that the closets of America were filled with men who enjoyed dressing up like women just for the sheer fun of it. But those men liked it that way. Because gender identity had yet to be understood as a concept, if you were male and wanted to dress up and act like a woman you could only be doing that because you were homosexual. In those days when the gay movement was first coming together straight men who like to wear dresses did not want to be thought of as “queer” and since they had no idea of why they wanted to dress up they worried that being homosexual might be the reason. So it was a case of don’t ask, don’t tell — in their own minds. God forbid anyone else learn that they had this need. If they couldn’t understand it themselves how could anyone else?
But legions of closeted crossdressers knew that they were sexually attracted to women at the same time they were very attracted to wearing their clothes. For years keeping quiet and in the closet seemed to be the best idea.
In the late ‘60s and early ‘70s crossdressers began to meet other crossdressers through newsletters and magazines like Transvestia. The Society for the Second Self was created and now crossdressing heterosexual men had a place to meet other crossdressers in the flesh.
But Tri-Ess as it came to be known, was not there for everyone. If you wanted to go further than just dressing up on the weekend you weren’t allowed to join. If you had sexual relations with other males while you were crossdressed you weren’t allowed to join. (If you mentioned it in your entrance interview, that is.) The group kept a low profile and the security of people’s real names was a top priority. Members would obtain post office boxes where their femme selves got mail from other CDs, and from their organization. (One reason the post office revenues began to slide? Less PO boxes for CDs?)
While support organizations like The Renaissance Education Association, Inc. worked at offering peer support and information about all segments of the trans community, in part by helping to promote the use the term “transgender as an umbrella to cover the whole community, serving crossdressers and transsexuals, there was a difference between the community segments that made that difficult.
Crossdressers in their male persona had male privilege. They could spend their work week as a truck driver or executive and slip into their femme role on the weekend. Transsexuals who felt their sex organs didn’t match their gender wanted to be “full-time” in the opposite gender role. The phrase “just a crossdresser” began to get used and some in the transsexual segment thought of CDs as dilettantes who were all about the clothing and the makeup with no real commitment to advancing an agenda of trans inclusion.
In a way they were correct to feel like that. Pride events proudly promoted that they were open to all members of the LGBT community. (Often several other initials would be included.) But how many crossdressers would join the drag queens and transsexuals holding banners in the street? Most often not too many.
The crossdressers had their reasons of course. Living a double life isn’t that easy and if your family expects you to be Bob at the barbecue on Saturday afternoon you can hardly show up at the Pride Parade that day as Barbara.
For others it was the chance that they would be seen by someone they knew and that person would “out” them to their family, friends and colleagues. What could be worse than having to go to work everyday when your associates there knew you wore dresses, makeup and high heels on the weekend? Imagine the hazing. In many places you could be fired because your boss didn’t want any weirdoes working in his company. (Still true in many places.)
Transsexuals who had to be their true selves had to be brave. There was no hiding once you passed a certain point in becoming real. Switching roles was not an option.
What isn’t understood by many in the TG community is that the need transsexuals have to do whatever it takes to be themselves to the world, that need is just a stronger manifestation of the need crossdressers have to express their inner woman. The need isn’t as intense for a part-time CD but it is there. When crossdressers can’t dress on the schedule they need they can become tense, irritable, drink too much and get just as miserable as anyone with a mismatched gender.
There is always some reason a person born with male genitalia is attracted to feminine things. While science doesn’t completely have it sorted out the theories of why we are who we are accept the premise that we’re born this way. Whether we are born with fully feminine brains or brains that have a bit more feminine qualities than the average male, whatever the reason, we have these needs. Like sexuality, gender is a spectrum, not a binary. It is possible to feel comfortable spending time in both genders. And that’s perfectly natural.
Back in the ‘50s and ‘60s a man who wanted to dress up was assumed to be gay. The stigma of that still clings to any man who wants to express feminine characteristics. While things are beginning to change and younger people are accepting friends who dress like girls they are accepting them under the transgender label. Which they are — in that the label covers us all. But without crossdressers coming out and being a part of the community, marching in the Pride events and being on television giving a face to go with the term CDs will be assumed to be full-time trans people. That’s not bad in itself but we need to let the world know that our need to be femme, to wear those high heels and engage in stereotypical feminine pursuits is as natural. Human beings are not made to fit into little boxes. We are varied and complex. We can be many things and wanting to use a girl’s name on the weekend is no stranger than two men who want to be a married couple. If you possibly can come out to your friends and families. Gay people began to make progress in their fight for acceptance when more people started coming out as gay and people found that they knew gay people. You don’t have to get dolled up and go over to your best friend’s house to show him what your femme side looks like. It’s just important that he needs to know that the male friend he’s known for years has another side that is just as important. If you can’t come out in your own life try to support the fight for trans rights in ways that you can. Only with help from all of us can things get better.
What do you think? Will it help the trans community if crossdressers fess up to their friends and family? Is it even possible? Use the comment area below to let us know. You must be logged in to comment.
Category: Transgender Opinion
Angela – with growing acceptance by mainstream America, hopefully cross-dressers will become more visible, but don’t expect any large movement. I don’t see it happening for all the usual reasons. Those of us involved in some form of outreach with the universites are making a positive impact but it’s still too little.
And then I’m dismayed that our umbrella term, transgender, is basically lost to the transsexual girls and all their coming out stories that the media pushes. We have very little media coverage for just plain cross-dressers. Of course, shows like “Transparent” help, but even that is about transition.
There is a little light though with columns like those of Terri Lee Ryan, the ex-wife of a crossdresser, who writes “Shades of Gender” for Chicago Now (also here and on Sister House). Terri writes about the cross-dressing community. She has also gotten the attention of Arianna Huffington, so hopefully she will soon appear on Huffpost too. We definitely need more advocates that are not writing just within the CD/TG community.
If you have media contacts, tell them stories are needed about all of us, not just the Bruce Jenners and Jazzes of the world.
WOW!!!! FACTOR 10 thank you for taking the time to write such a informative but also articulate piece. that certainly helps bring to life and smoe clarity in our journey thru the years but also thru bringing our hearts mind and souls and for so many body togather . the ward robe is the frame around the beautiful peoiple we are. hugs veronica black kansas city