Memories

I’ve been thinking about memories a lot lately. TDOR is coming up of course, and I’ve talked about how difficult this year has been quite frequently. But it’s a lot more than that. My wife of 38 years, Susan, has dementia. She has essentially no short-term memory any more. So for us, memory is a precious thing.

I started transitioning six and a half years ago, but came out publicly on Thanksgiving weekend 2015. So this month has a lot of significance for our family. That year, we held a huge Thanksgiving meal, and all present were trans or queer vets except for Susan. But, back in the day, the Navy used to say, “Navy wife, the toughest job in the Navy.” Oh, and she was an Air Force Brat — her father was in the Air Force for 28 years. So she is as much of a vet as everyone else there.

And that year, we had a lot of trans women gatherings at our house. It was such an amazing year. But things always change, don’t they? The community makeup changed, and our gatherings didn’t last. But it is a memory I’ll cherish.

The Thanksgiving holiday is based on flawed memories, of course. What is taught in schools in the US is a total fairy tale. What the pilgrims did to the First Nations peoples was unspeakable atrocities. As trans folx, it is incumbent on us to provide support to BIPOC folx, so we must learn the true histories. If you haven’t read the real history, I encourage you to do so. It’s okay to observe the holiday and be grateful for what you have. It’s okay to hold onto Pagan Fall Harvest Festival symbols too – after all, that’s what we do at the Thanksgiving Day table, whether we eat poultry, pork, or pea protein! But just remember what really happened, and remember on whose ground you sit.

Before the Jewish Spring festival of Purim we read this passage from the Bible: (Deuteronomy 25:17-19 – NJPS translation) Remember what Amalek did to you on your journey, after you left Egypt – how, undeterred by fear of God, he surprised you on the march, when you were famished and weary, and cut down all the stragglers in your rear. Therefore, when the Lord your God grants you safety from all your enemies around you, in the Land that the Lord your God is giving you as a hereditary portion, you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget!

Obviously, this is Fall, not Spring. Amalek is a metaphor for all the enemies that attack the Jewish people.  As trans folx, we have our Amalek too. We always need to be alert to the dangers around us, which detracts from the joy of just being us. It is my prayer that all of us find places to be during the holidays that are safe, so we can build good memories, and in doing so, at least for short times, blot out the memory of Amalek.

We always need to be safe and vigilant, but if we are in good company, we are usually okay. For those of us who are underserved, underprivileged, BIPOC, disabled, sex workers, etc., I know this is easier said than done. If you are, like me, able to contribute to a center to help towards this effort, please do so.

Peace out,

Rona

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul