Making The Grade

In a recent post at my personal blog, I came up with a list of questions to illustrate the nagging doubts, worries, and fears that plagued me — and most transsexual women, as far as I can tell — prior to beginning my Real Life Experience. They are the sort of the thing my therapist collectively refers to as “white noise” — pointless sound that serves only to distract and frustrate — and that can only be extinguished by actually getting out and living life. I now offer you my list of queries, followed by further discussion…

• Will I “pass”? Will it matter?

• Is my voice good enough?

• Will I still be able to perform my job duties? Will people at work still listen to what I have to say and take me seriously?

• What’s it like to get up every day and slather on makeup? Do my hair? Pull on my Spanx?

• When will the novelty wear off?

• Will I get by if I don’t look perfect on a given day? On those days I feel fat and ugly?

• Will I still be jealous when a woman walks by wearing a great pair of shoes? Sporting a killer hair cut? Holding hands with her significant other?

• Can I be happy? Will I dread tomorrow, or anticipate its arrival gladly?

• Will I always have to look over my shoulder?

• Will I have to defend my identity every single day? Will I need to correct people about names, about pronouns, about “sir” all the time? Will it eventually wear me down?

• Is it all worth it if I never find love again?

• Will I hit a wall (metaphorically speaking, of course)? Will there be days I want to go back?

• Will I ever not stop in front of a mirror to make sure I look okay?

• Will I drift away from the transgendered community?

• Will I be a bitch?

• Will I ever stop using stupid male euphemisms in conversation?

• Will I ever not feel anxious using a public restroom again?

• Will I always feel like a gorilla when I’m walking?

• Will I make new friends? Will I get invited to do things with other women?

• Will there ever be times when I’m not consciously aware of how I’m “different”?

• Will people still like me? Love me? Respect me?

Did going fulltime silence the noise for me?

Check out my blog for that discussion.

This discussion is about something else.

Rather, here at TGForum, I’m curious to know which of these questions are deal breakers for you. If you could know the answers ahead of time, which would keep you from transitioning and why? Or if you’ve started transition, which of these could possibly lead to you choosing to de-transition? Basically, I want to know what you consider necessary for a successful transition.

Feel free to add to the list if need be!

Type your comments on Renee’s list in the Comment Box below and hit submit.

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion