Like a Horse and Carriage

| Apr 8, 2013
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The Artist D

The Artist D

They couldn’t stop talking about it this week. Many of you out there went red with an equal sign on Facebook over it. Some of you just went red with rage. Marriage equality was what all the cool kids were doing these last few days. The nation showed their support via social media as the Supreme Court squabbled over same sex marriage rights. The public moved a quarter inch in their recliners and posted a red block with an equal sign in it to show their friends how progressive they are. I certainly hope they wrote several letters to their senators too. I believe in the public making a change but I have to wonder about their ways of going about it.

All this talk about marriage equality gets me thinking. I am a gay man living in a transgender body and have had two husbands so far in my life. Surely there will be many more, yet gay marriage has yet to hit the books in any of the states where I’ve lived. The people’s opinion and words in books have never stopped me from being with the people I have loved. My first husband and I went through a spiritual ceremony. A few months later he started to plan a church wedding and I divorced him. My second husband and I got married in a mixture of a satanic cosmic ceremony in the middle of a lake. There was blood, tears and a tree involved. Shortly after our cosmic coupling we registered with the state we lived in as domestic partners. This legal partnership allowed us all of the rights we wanted and lead me to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Marriage doesn’t have to be legal to be marriage. Marriage is what you make it, equal rights is something else entirely. I am all for equal rights but when I look around me I’m seeing a fight for institutional marriage! I’m seeing sketches of two men or two women standing before a religious official in a church. I can’t figure out if this is actually what people are fighting for or if they’re just doing it because it’s the closest thing “normal people” can associate with our needs. We can’t just say we want the legal piece of paper. We have to intrude into their man made scriptures too. How rude. I was born into the Catholic Church and they made it very clear via excommunication that they had no interest in the person I was. That’s a club I have no interest in being a member of. And there’s no reason for me to be a member. Unlike the need to be a full-fledged member of the ruling body who tells me what I can and cannot do with my life. Church is this little boys club, but the government is our master. I’d rather be making sure my human rights are in order with Master before I go pushing myself into a religion I think I belong to.

I thought we were fighting for a piece of paper. Equal rights mean equal law and last time I checked we try hard to pretend that church and state are separate. Legal union is what you want. You want the tax advantages, the legal recognition and the rights over your partner’s stuff. You want to be recognized. More so you want society to “get it.” This culture you live in does not yet get it and I think above all else our lashing out angry fight for equality is all based on the need to fit in. You want to walk around holding hands with your same sex partner and live in a world where you aren’t a freak. That’s a fight I am down for. Please don’t get it twisted! While I may not agree with a fight for you to be involved in a religion, I’m certainly not against it. However, I’ll be happy to tell you why it probably shouldn’t be the first thing on your list. Your God is metaphysical while your government is not. Make the changes in your fellow men and women in the government so you can live your life better as a fellow man, woman or fabulous creature.

There are some very good intentioned people out there but some are just going about it all wrong. The society we live in isn’t set up for abundant change all at once. They’re not going to give you full government rights and unlock the church doors at the same time. “Come on in! Gangs all here and now we love you!”

We’re supposed to get our rights a little bit at a time, no matter how wrong that may be. It’s a model all of the outcasts have had to work with throughout time. We are unfortunately not exempt from that. So, can we work on the equality in law first before you bring Jesus, Buddha and the Flying Spaghetti Monster into this mess? Talk about cart before horse or perhaps better yet a horse before that loving carriage.

The Artist D is executive editor of Fourculture Magazine. He is also unearthing the underground as host of The Fabulous D Show every Sunday night at 7 PM EST at

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion, Transgender Politics

The Artist D

About the Author ()

The Artist D is a true raconteur and provocateur! He has been performing online since the mid 1990s. A relic from the cam show age before MySpace was any space. Author of In Bed with Myself, an autobiographical tale of transgenderism and Internet celebrity. Executive Editor of Fourculture Magazine and host of the Kawfeehaus podcast.

Comments (2)

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  1. regina-nj regina-nj says:

    As an Officiant of marriage in NJ & NY the actual ceremony’s are very much what you wish them to be! The paper work in NJ has a check mark to indicate civil union and in NJ it does not give the Civil Union couple any rights that the marriage check would! In NY they are married but that does not give Same sex marriage the same as opposite sex either!It does seem like a no-brainier that separate and not equal has ever been allowed to exist forever in our society! The time is now for people to get married if they wish and that all benefits of that institution should be granted to everyone!

  2. scalesman scalesman says:

    This was a well thought out article. There are governmental interests that are not the same as church interests. It seems that our First Amendment tells us that the government may not establish a religion. That should extend to keeping the government out of religious doctrines.