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Last Word of the Decade

Sophie Lynne | Dec 23, 2019

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I’m not one for doing year end reviews. Not a fan. I reflect on the past far too much as it is. I was going to do a decade ending thing, after all, so much has happened this decade, both to me and for Trans people in general.

That would be too depressing.

I’m one of those people who really hates the holiday season. Yet again, I will not see my daughter on Christmas morning.

“Then I realized…like I was shot… like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead…” (Can you name the movie?)

I don’t deserve the last word on this decade, in this column or anywhere else. I’m going to give the last word to my dearest friend, who left us this decade. I will always love you and miss you…

Lisa.

December 24, 2012 at 8:27am

Dear Jolly Santa,

I don’t know if I’ve been naughty or nice. I think I have been average and sometimes that feels like winning. I want lots of stuff Santa. I want a new face. I’d like an ‘innie’ but I hear that is not in your job description. I want you to magically make Micheal Khors and Steve Madden to start selling all the cutest heels in wide wide widths or, if its easier, you could just give me smaller feet…I’m cool with that too.

Some people don’t believe in you, I guess I could be considered one of them. They say you are an essence, a force, the embodiment (sans body) of compassion, hope and joy. You are as real and as powerful as our willingness to accept and strive for the things you represent. I wanna believe in those things Santa, I really do.

With Lisa, June 2013

I’m not a selfish girl, (at least I hope I’m not) although I really want my hair to flow down my back and my nails to grow long and hard….also I want the latest designer purse. Chanel would be nice.

But I need you in a more profound way this year Santa, so many of us do. I need to believe in the things you stand for…the hope, the joy, the selflessness without the selfishness. I need to understand that magic is a natural phenomenon that results from a willingness to believe, a willingness to embrace happiness in spite of how life challenges us to the contrary. If you can believe it, you can be it. And many of my friends have blossomed into beautiful woman, not just because they always were but mostly because they believed they could be and in believing they overcame their fear.

Santa, I don’t want any gifts this year. The long hair and nails can wait. The ‘innie’ will not be tightly packaged in a pretty VS bow, the materialistic trappings have no real value. Santa please keep the presents. Can I ask one thing of you for myself and for my friends…

Can you take some stuff away from us? We have too much of somethings that no one should have so much of. Could you please stop by on Christmas and take away the doubt. Can you remove the tremendous pain and grief from our shoulders…so many of us are buckling under the weight. Could you take away the nightmares that haunt our waking hours. Can you take away the feeling of loneliness? Can you take away the skepticism that we can ever manage to believe in the magic that moves us?

Santa can you take away our fears. We have too many of them already. If you can, please do. Because so many of us are trapped by fear and doubt, by regret and a lack of confidence.

If you could just take this stuff away … or find a way to help us to, I know we can be stronger and soar higher. I know we can be the Angels on Earth we are destined to be.

Without fear we are capable.

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