Labels Revisited

Many moons ago, I wrote a column about Labels in the TG Community. Crossdresser, Full time, post op, all the different divisions that comprise the wide TG tapestry. Back then, I railed against these artificial divisions. Back then, I said we should all be one community and not undermine each other.

Back then, I didn’t know I would transition. I was still seeking my truth.

So here I am now, years later. I am now transitioning from male to female. I will be going full time as a woman soon. Many of my perspectives have changed. But has my opinion on this? As a transwoman who is no longer “just a cross dresser,” have my thoughts matured and changed?

In a word: NO.

In fact, I am more convinced than ever that we, as a community, must not tear ourselves apart over petty name calling and divisions. As a group, we are inching slowly forward towards equal rights and recognition. As a group, perhaps even in our lifetimes, we may no longer be regarded as oddities, but only as special, which we are. Now is the time for us to unite, not divide.

Hell, at this point I couldn’t even tell you what my “label” would be. When I was only dressing and going out once a month, I considered myself a crossdresser. But that wasn’t enough, and the Pain grew stronger. So it became twice a month. Then more. Now I’m a woman everywhere except work and when I see my wife.

As a CD, my challenges were not being discovered, and I was learning the “how” of this. I have since told my wife and paid the price. We are separated and headed toward divorce. I have been exiled from the house. I see my daughter maybe once or twice a week.

My challenges now are setting up a transition plan for both my employers, and learning the finer points of womanhood. Failure isn’t an option at this point — I must master these skills, as it is my life. Does that mean my challenges now are more “important” then they were then?

Again: NO.

Some people don’t transition because they have a great career. I don’t have that. Some people would lose family to which they are devoted. I lost my wife. Parents? Jury is still out. But comparing losses like that is a Guy thing. It’s a measure of how much you’ve endured — how tough you are. And I am no longer a Guy. And CDs, they aren’t fully guys either — they are TG, just like me.

So, despite the intervening years and all that has happened, my opinion there has not changed. As the singer said, “it’s wisdom of the pain.” Walking this path IS pain. Make no mistake — there’s a reason so many of us commit suicide. I WISH I were “just” a crossdresser. I’d still be sleeping in the same bed with my wife, seeing my daughter daily, and letting my dog out first thing in the morning. The little things that mean everything.

But I have This a lot deeper. I am in transition. I am on hormones. I now have breasts and soft skin. I am beginning a whole new life from the ashes of my old. I’ve lost my best friends. Is the peace I feel worth all the pain I’ve suffered?
God help me … yes.

And I wish this peace for all of you.

So the next time you look at someone who is “just a CD” remember, that you don’t live their life. They are TG, just like you. Worthy of consideration and the presumption of respect. They may become your friends.

They are already your Sisters.

 

Tags: featured, Identity, opinion, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion