Label Me
There’s been a lot of buzz on various sites lately about labels. Who are this or that and such. So here we go — I will label myself.
I am Caucasian. I am an American of Scots/Irish/German/Polish descent. There may be a dash of Spanish in there as well but my family isn’t sure. In any case, Northern European roots. That means as an American of northern European descent, I am descended from immigrants. Now, my families are not “Mayflower’ immigrants. Nor are we mysterious survivors of the failed Roanoke colony. Nope. My dad’s side came over in the early 20th century and my mom is a born Scot.
So like many Americans, I’m a mutt.
Here are some more labels. I am heterosexual. I am middle aged. I have a child and a dog. I am married.
So I guess I should go buy a red sports car.
Want more? I am a registered independent. I was not born Republican, Democrat, or yesterday. I believe in equal rights for all. I believe that global warming is real and man-made. I think many Wall Street people should be in jail for what they did. Same with W and his cronies for starting an illegal war.
Okay, I guess that makes me a *gasp* Liberal.
Stop you say? Hell no! I’m just getting started! I went to high school and college in the ’80s, so that means I must be shallow and vapid. I like comic books, Star Wars and Star Trek so I’m a geek. I like role playing games so I’m a MAJOR geek.
Please stop, you’re begging? No! I was in a fraternity so I MUST be a male chauvinist pig who loves abusing people and needs to buy my friends. Yet I’m a part of the 99% movement so I’m lazy, shiftless and refuse to work. Oh, and I love the Grateful Dead, so I’m a disgusting, tree hugging hippy. See “Liberal” above. I am opinionated so I must be an asshole. I enjoy social drinking so I’m a drunkard. I have been in my share of fights so I’m a violent sociopath. I have been diagnosed with depression so I’m obviously totally mentally unstable.
YET. . .
For all those things, I have two jobs. I am employable. I still have rights under the law despite the GOP’s best efforts. Then there’s the label in question:
I wear skirts and dresses. I own heels and bras. I have five wigs. I have three pairs of breast forms and three types of hip pads. I appear in public dressed as a woman, and this brings me peace and happiness.
What am I?
Am I a crossdresser? Transvestite? Gender Queer? Transgender? Transsexual? Tranny? Nuts?
Any of that matter?
I refer to myself as transgender. Oh wait — I’m not on hormones. My boobs are removable. I’m a “Weekend Warrior.” I’m not a “True trans.” I am obviously beneath contempt. And oh my God look at that bag! Am I homeless or something? And that skirt! Totally from Goodwill. An absolute disgrace. And look at that chin and nose! Some douche bag guy pretending.
I have heard all that too. From my sisters. From people who are discriminated against. Who are fired from jobs for no cause. Who are beaten and denied housing for who they are. Yet they look down their nose at me because obviously living the lie that I do, lying to my wife and children, fearing the day it will all come crashing down around me isn’t enough suffering for them. I just don’t understand because I’m not full time/not on hormones/I just DON’T KNOW!
Know what? I don’t know what it’s like to be full time. I don’t know what it’s like to be denied housing. (I’ve been fired with no cause though, sorry.)
Know what else? I don’t care.
I am trans. I am not as far as others, true, but my journey is only beginning. My sisters are trans. All of them. We are in this battle together. Why are dividing ourselves?
Labels.
I’m adding one more label to this mix. BULLY. That’s right. “Bully: (N) blustering browbeating person; especially: one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.” (So says Merriam Webster).
“I am more trans than thou.” Why are you here, you’re obviously some guy who is just out for kinky kicks.”
Bullies looking down on someone for no other reason but for who they are. What they’re wearing.
I hate bullies. Always have. Bullies are people who try to build themselves up by picking on others. They have no real friends. I’d pity them if their cruelty weren’t so destructive.
So — look in the mirror. Do you see a bully? Or do you see a brother/sister who is willing to help others despite whatever stupid label others want to affix to them?
Leave the bullying to those against us. We will rise above them. We must be strong together or the bullying will continue, from within and without. We’ll continue to be marginalized. Discriminated against. Killed.
*gets off soapbox*
So let’s review. I am a white Scots/Irish/German/Polish, American mutt, middle aged, heterosexual, liberal, mega-geek, male chauvinist pig, lazy, shiftless, disgusting, tree-hugging hippy, asshole, drunk, violent sociopath, mentally unstable father with twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us and a Partridge in a Pear Tree who is ALSO Transgender.
Whew! Got all that? Right.
Buy a sister a drink?
Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion
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Hi Pat!
Thank you for such a Wonderful, well thought reply.
I have strong reasons for my Hatred (and that is the proper term) for GOP Politicians. And what you see as “libel” and “cheap shots” I see as “Substansiated facts.” And I feel they add to the piece. Best thing about America- we can agree to disagree. 🙂
That said, I would love an opportunity to discuss this Non-T related topic off forum. [email protected]
Sophie,
You deserve kudos for finding a way to squeeze Arlo into your rant. It was a bit of a stretch but deftly handled by someone who may also have experience squeezing her foot into a slightly too small pump. Many decades ago I could play and recite the entire song. Now I make it a point to listen to it live on the radio at noon on Thanksgivng.
My basic philosophy is not to be bugged by name calling or labeling. “I do not care what you call me…just don’t call me late for dinner.”
Labels, however, are often necessary. Almost 40 years ago I had to speak about my father at his funeral. He was the best person I ever knew. He was a father, a loving husband, a master craftsman, an artist, a brother, a son, an uncle, a wonderful and loving person and so very much more. His first language was not English but he had a talent for languages and could speak several. I am sure I failed to mention that he was a strict, old school, tough love, disciplinarian. We all wear many hats…often several at the same time.
As for me, while recognizing that labels are a handy short cut for describing people I have a preference to be described by the things that I do. I love my wife and children so perhaps I am a loving person. I am also very good in my career. I am fortunate to be able to make a living at it.
I golf. I am a poor golfer. If you call me a golfer you should have your tongue well placed in your cheek. I drive a car. I have never been labeled a driver. I can do a bit of cooking…no one would label me a chef…etc.
Since this is TGF and we are talking about T labels I have never really found one that fits me at all times…sort of like the misnomer of ‘one size fits all pantyhose’. As such I find myself most comfortable describing myself by what I am doing. I could be working or golfing or driving or dressing. I am fine with being described by what I am doing. If I am dressing, I am wearing a dress or skirt or heels, etc. Most people do not know what a guy in a dress is in terms of common T labels. As such it may just be better to describe what you are doing rather than reaching for a label to describe what you are. Of course, in my case the appropriate description would be that ‘very large person in a dress’. If I am out and about and passing that would be wonderful but it is not a realistic expectation. I am perfectly fine if I am viewed as that very nicely dressed guy. If I am complimented on my wig or my accessories that is wonderful. If you tell me that I did a good job of coordinating my outfit I feel that my efforts were worthwhile.
You are correct to posit that sometimes labels do fit and are necessary. It is often appropriate to pick a position ~ either out of choice or necessity.
By and large your article makes a good point. Your position, however, is undercut by your own inability to keep you hatred of Republicans out of an otherwise appropriate rant. It is libel to accuse people of crimes. It is hurtful and hateful to preach that people who may support the GOP are using their ‘best efforts’ to deptrive you of your ‘rights’. While you have your right to your opinions and to hate all things associated with Republicans your ever present need to demean people simply because they may not think that the economics of Obama are working tends to detract from the point you are trying to make.
In an otherwise well written piece that uses logic and sarcasm to address the subject ofmeaningless hatred and bigotry your cheap shots and demeaning comments against W and the GOP, while you surely have a right to your opinion, tend to detract from the message you were trying to convey. The venom that you show to others is not consistent with the tolerance that you seem to be seeking.
I would refer you to the Log Cabin Republicans at LogCabin.org or to GOProud at goproud.org. In your case I suggest that you use care opening the first page of goproud.org since it may contain a photo of Ann Coulter.
Peace to you my sister,
Pat
Of all the things I’ve read about the whole label thing, it is wonderful to find someone that actually gets it!
Not the Dead…. “I Know You Rider” (aka “Woman Blues” and “I Know My Rider”) is a traditional woman’s blues song that has been adapted by numerous artists.
Such a good read, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! Laugh, because I feel the joy in a lot of what you are writing, sister. Cry because I feel the bully in our community and “normal” society too. But we are humans. At times we rise to great heights and at others we are shopping in Hades’ haberdashery. We connect on so many levels and yet are alone in many ways. But as long as we can communicate and write, as you do so well, there is hope for understanding and enlightenment.
Looking forward to being a drunkard with you. . .
“. . . I wish I was a headlight on a northbound train. . . I’d shine my light through cold Colorado rain. . .” Who else writes like that?
Vanessa
@Tasi LOL! Was there any doubt? I mean the dude went around town hanging out with twelve other dudes. And the only thing he would do with a “hooker” is to let her wash his feet with her hair. (Sign of great devotion on her part no less.) ^w^
But in all seriousness, labels suck balls. And the way some people in the community treat other girls/guys sucks legendary balls.
Why can’t we just get along. We all have the same ennemies. No sense in making ourselves the ennemy because of where we’re at under the god damned umbrella term. >_<
Absolutely spot on! Great article. Some of the stuff we have to listen to from the cisgender community is painful. Some of the stuff we have to listen to from the transgender community is disgraceful.
Good on you, Sophie. I would like all those TS ladies on some of these sites to explain to me why they think it’s inevitable that I will transition. Shoot, these labels are killing us. Actually, I read an interesting article on Salon this week that indicated “Jesus was GAY”. Hey, now there’s hope for all of us 🙂
WOW!!!! SOHIW YOU MUST HAVE HAD LONG TALK WITH ME thanks for sorting organizing and expressing all i am. you helped me see in a much clearer picture all i am feeling and can be.
your wisdom insight and truthfullness is right on.
so yes buy a sister adrink and and encourage and support ALL IN BEING WHO THEY ARE. veronica black kansas city
Grateful Dead! Yeah!
Sorry, not the point, I know, but…. Hey Now!