How Young is Too Young?
Currently, my youngest trans-identified client is 4-years-old. I’m currently working with several children this age, actually. And I have a lot of clients under the age of 13-years-old. The question I hear most frequently from parents, caregivers and even folks in the media is, “But, isn’t this a little too young for someone to know?”
I certainly get the concern behind this question. I mean, for some of these kids approaching puberty, we’re beginning to have conversations about gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) analogues to delay puberty. The rationale behind this is that the child will have an opportunity to suspend puberty of his/her anatomical sex in an effort to determine if her/his identity remains consistent. If it does, the teen will be given hormone therapy in order for their body to develop in a more appropriate gender presentation. If the identity remains questionable, they are taken off the puberty delaying hormones and they resume the puberty that was temporarily put on hold.
Recently I served as an expert witness on behalf of a minor who was requesting a legal name change. Even in this case, when no form of medication was even being discussed, the judge repeatedly asked me if, “this is too young for this individual to engage in this extent of legal transition.”
My response to this judge (who by the way, after an hour of intense grilling, agreed that for this child, it was an appropriate request and granted the name change) was, “Your Honor, in my clinical judgment, this child is transsexual. He was born female-bodied and has insisted for his entire life that he’s a boy. The only time he is happy is when he is affirmed as male by his family and community. Prior to the parents understanding the degree of this child’s distress a few years ago, and doing extensive research, this child stayed indoors and had no friends. Currently he is a popular, well-adjusted young man who is thriving socially and academically. And, in my opinion, the worst thing that happens in this case is that the child determines that this was a mistake and the family returns to court and pays to have it changed back. Either way, this child will know that his family unconditionally loves him and will go to extraordinary lengths to support him. So, no, Your Honor, I don’t feel that this is too young.”
What I just shared is about a name change. There are many other ways in which young people socially transition. Some change clothing and request that people refer to them by their preferred pronoun, while others consider the puberty-delaying hormones or even hormone therapy. When is “too young”? That’s a tough one. But, from the stories I hear of adult transsexuals, there is no such thing!
Contact Dr. Angello through her website.
Category: Transgender Body & Soul
About the Author (Author Profile)
Michele Angello, Ph.D. is a clinical sexologist with offices in Wayne and Doylestown, Pennsylvania. Dr. Angello works with clients to help them reframe feelings of guilt, fear, shame, embarrassment, and even hatred around sexuality, and encourage feelings of acceptance, responsibility, joy, and sharing. She specializes in issues around gender and sexual orientation.Subscribe
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I agree. A child is never too young to avail of professional counseling as regards her gender. I certainly wish that possibility had been open to me when I was young. Whether the child eventually decides to transition or not, whatever choices she may eventually make regarding her preferred lifestyle, it’s never too early to start exploring those issues. This could well give such a young person a happy childhood–something that some of us missed out on when we were young. Reading this sort of thing is heart-warming for me: it makes me believe that progress is not only possible, we’re actually seeing it now.
These children need respect and support. I am now 62, married, closetted, still transgendered, and still ashamed of it. I knew that I was, or at least wanted to be a girl from my earliest recollections in life – well before school age. I was always jealous of the girls who got pretty new dresses and shoes for holidays and special occasions, while I got a new suit and tie. Things would have been so much happier for me had I been able to tell my parents, have them raise me as the girl I wanted to be, and let me decide later in life if I wanted to change things. Being raised a male with a secret shame was wrong. I believe that being raised as a girl, would have led to a lifetime’s natural development as a proud and healthy woman.
In 1960 when I was twelve I knew that there was something amiss with my sexual identity but there was no ‘general knowledge’ of the type we have today. I feel deeply for those who are considered ‘too young to know’ about their identity, as for me it caused significant psychological problems for many years and I am sure I would have benefited from the puberty delaying treatment you mention.
It is heartening to hear that a person’s sexual identity is becoming a more open topic – even today I still find it almost impossible to explain to ‘ordinary’ folk that I am transgendered and not ashamed of it, they have no idea of what goes on in the mind and body of people such as us.
Kindest regards
elbaitasni