How Attractive is Too Attractive?

| Mar 12, 2018
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In our western culture everyone learns at an early age that attractive people seem to have more advantages than less attractive people. Of course the whole concept of “attractive” is built on cultural expectations and individual preferences. Some men find women dressed in frilly, lace-covered outfits to be attractive while other men prefer women who wear tight fitting tops, and short skirts that show lots of leg. There are many “turn ons” that trigger sexual interest. How often have you heard a guy say he’s “a leg man” or that he likes “big ones”? Someone’s eye makeup or hair style might be what gets one man’s attention while it could be someone’s red spike heel pumps and black hose with a seam up the back that has another man excited. While the visual “turn ons” for women looking at men are limited to how muscular the guy is; whether he’s clean shaven or has a beard; is well groomed and well dressed or sloppy and casual, men gazing at women can find numerous things they see as sexy and attractive.

This leads to our conundrum. The majority of people want to be attractive. Women want to look good, feel good and know that they can command male attention. They don’t however want it thrust upon them at every turn. An article on Yahoo featured the story of a woman who wore a pencil skirt to work and found that everyone in the office made comments about the skirt and how it made her behind so attractive. She said that while she just wanted to enjoy how she looked in the skirt the comments about how great her ass looked and how seductive the skirt made her look overwhelmed her and caused her to cry in the ladies room over all the focussed attention.

The pleather leggings at work. Is that VPL?

Recently I hosted one of my monthly parties for trans people and didn’t have time to shave my legs. Okay. I was lazy. Normally I would wear a dress and hose. How to look sexy with leg hair? Black pleather leggings to the rescue. All night long people commented on how great my ass looked. Of course I accepted their statements as compliments but I found it amazing that here I was showing my regular old behind but when it was presented in those leggings it made a much larger (it’s not that big!) impression. Were they finding me attractive or were they just loving the leggings?

Trans women, whether part time or full time, like many other women, want to be attractive and fashionable, and wear a put together look that makes them feel confident. The idea that gentlemen may be gazing at your derrière in that tight pencil skirt can give you a warm glow. Trans women who can display some cleavage peeking from a low cut top can take pleasure in having a man talk to their breasts instead of their face. It’s a kind of validation. Men gazing at you and evaluating you as an attractive woman means you have been accepted as attractive in the gender you are presenting. You have spent time and effort to look good. You’ve working on your outfit, your hair and your makeup. You want to attract male attention — but how much attention? Cisgender women who also wish to be sexually attractive have the same concerns, and they also have to put up with rudeness from men who have to be sure their attraction is known. Those who live a female life, whether cis or trans, have to put up with too much attention every day.

The crossdressers among us can bask in that attention when they like and put “her” away while they blend in with the dudes. Crossdressed adventures out in public can be turned up a notch when we get male attention expressed in “acceptable” ways. But keep in mind that our cisgender sisters are often exposed to unwanted attention whether they’re out at a night spot in a sexy dress or shopping for groceries in sweats and a t-shirt.

We all want to look good but we all, trans and cis, must demand respect. We dress the way we do to satisfy our inner concept of beauty and glamor. Not so that men can make juvenile comments about our anatomy.

For trans women who are pre-op or non-op there is an added danger. Since the male libido is stimulated by the things it has identified as “sexy” a man gazing at a great pair of legs, or a really good butt can become aroused. If he then discovers that the package doesn’t contain what he was expecting his arousal may turn into anger. Just be aware of where you are and dial back the tendency to flirt if the venue is primarily aimed at a straight crowd.

Now go ahead, be sexy but be smart.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion


About the Author ()

Angela Gardner is a founding member of The Renaissance Transgender Association, Inc., the former editor of that organization's newsletter and magazine, Transgender Community News. She wrote the Diva of Dish column for TGF in the late 1990s and was the Editor of LadyLike magazine until its untimely demise. She is currently the Editor of TGF. She has appeared in film and television shows portraying TG characters, as well as representing Renaissance on numerous talk shows. In her idle hours she keeps busy producing her monthly TG parties, Angela's Laptop Lounge.

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