Healing Can Take Time
I’ve had a rough couple of years. Certainly that’s not an unusual lament these days, but a combination of professional and personal issues has made it especially tough for me. All that culminated in a nervous breakdown last May, and I’ve been on the rocky road to recovery ever since.
A good therapist, a new medication, and lots of love and support has me on the road back, but it’s not been easy. I’ve re-learned what I think of as an important life lesson: healing is not linear. Sometimes it’s three steps forward and a step back; sometimes there are wrong turns and dead ends that require some backtracking; and sometimes, a rest period is not only desirable but absolutely necessary.
I’ve been working with my therapist for a little over a year. During our most recent session, I was reflecting how the last 22 months has been the most difficult period of my life, and ironically, it came right after the happiest 21 months of my life—from the time I went public as Claire to the first dramatic surge of COVID-19.
My therapist, Danielle, asked me what was so wonderful about that time. My immediate response was that I felt like for the first time in my life that I no longer had to keep a powerful secret hidden inside me. I could live openly and honestly for the first time in my fifty-eight years on Earth. I told Danielle I found myself doing things I had never done before, like striking up conversations with strangers in stores.
I had already been in my job as a full-time elected official for more than a decade and while I still loved the work, it was beginning to feel a little stale at times. Becoming Claire gave me a new infusion of energy and enthusiasm, and I entered an extremely productive period of my professional life. One person I had worked with on many projects said, “I always thought there was a wall around you, but I never knew why. Now the wall is gone.”
As I continued to reflect, another joyous and totally unexpected benefit of my transition—becoming part of the larger transgender community. I only personally knew two trans people before I went public as the true me—now I know dozens. This has led to opportunities as an elected official to help educate the larger public and advocate for my new family.
The number of trans siblings on my Facebook friends list was small at first, but when the former president announced that openly transgender people would no longer be eligible to serve in the military, my friend requests exploded, and in a good way.
I have gotten to know hundreds of members of my new family thanks to FB. Some of them are struggling every day of their lives with crushing gender dysphoria; rejection by family, employers and friends; economic crisis; and other issues. I hope everyone dealing with these struggles knows what an accomplishment it is to simply survive one more day.
I’ve connected with people who are doing significant and heroic work at the community, regional and state levels, advocating and serving the members of our collective family. They are usually fighting multiple obstacles themselves. Many are wanting to pay it forward to those who have helped them cross the transition barrier; others are motivated by a determination that those who are following in their footsteps have an easier time navigating the path than they did.
A collective thanks to all in my trans family. You encourage me and inspire me every day.
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Category: Transgender Body & Soul
About the Author (Author Profile)
Claire Hall was born and grew up in a large city on the left coast and has spent most of her adult years in a beautiful small coastal community where she's now an elected official in local government after spending many years as a newspaper and radio reporter. In her space time she loves reading, writing fiction (her first novel was published by a regional press a couple of years ago), watching classic Hollywood movies, and walking.Subscribe
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