Going Out En Femme? Be Smart

| Oct 5, 2020
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This is my rule number one for successfully going out dressed in public. I have done so well over 500 times, to thousands of different places, in front of tens of thousands of people. I have (pre-COVID) volunteered for over 25 different, mostly mainstream, organizations. I have never passed, I never will. I have also never had one negative experience.

Be smart. This seems pretty obvious, but it is so very important. Dressed, I would not attend a fundamentalist Christian conference, go anywhere near a KKK rally, go to a biker bar or mill about in a questionable neighborhood. Okay, I wouldn’t do these dressed or not. But when dressed, I am very smart about where I go. I go to places where there is a high probability that I will be accepted. I volunteer at art museums, community theaters, and various charities. I go to churches, restaurants/bars filled by the general public (as opposed to a sports bar or something the serves a specific niche) and large public areas. The more people in the area, the less likely I am even noticed, hiding in plain sight.

Like many of you, I keep this part of my life a secret from many. As a result, I go out generally at least 10 miles from my home. The further you move from home, the less likely you will run into someone you know (unless you have a public profession). Sure it could happen, but it’s less likely and more likely that you won’t be noticed or recognized. With our children grown and living elsewhere, this stage of our lives allows for much more privacy. No more school events, football games, dance recitals, places where we were out, interacting with friends and neighbors. I now go days and sometimes weeks without really having any significant interaction with anyone outside of my close family and social circle. The older I get, the less likely I am to be recognized. Plus, of course, I look different dressed than when not. You need the time, ability and desire to make the connection.

Being smart means parking in a well-lit area. It means being aware of your surroundings. I have talked about how many of my sisters are creatures of the night. I am not and I believe this has served me well. As the saying goes, nothing good ever happens at 2 a.m. The sun is generally shining brightly when I am out.

We all worry about our safety or if we’ll be cornered by those bearing pitchforks and torches. In this day and age, our children cannot feel safe going to school. People are gunned down at concerts or in nightclubs. This is the world we live in, dressed or not. People are accepting, are welcoming. I live and breathe it frequently, going out often and still never having a negative experience. Why? Because I am smart about how, when and where I go. There are other rules I follow, which we’ll get to over the next few months.

Bottom line ladies, live your life. Home circumstances are what they are, nothing I can do about that and that certainly will constrict your ability to get out. But, PLEASE don’t use the “world” as an excuse because that is all it is, an excuse. A crutch. Get out there and be who you are! As many here have attested to, it is life affirming, simply nothing better!

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Category: Out & About


About the Author ()

Kandi is married with two grown daughters. Her wife is fully supportive. Under normal circumstances, she goes out usually three times a week, either to her church, as a volunteer or to do what women do! She volunteers for over 25 organizations and makes no apologies about who she is and has found complete acceptance by the general public.

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