For Whom the Bealls Toll
Almost everyone who studied English Lit anywhere from high school to university will recognize the adapted quotation in the title, either from the poet John Donne or from the title of the Hemingway novel/movie of the same name. I seem to have received triple doses of it as I studied Donne, Shakespeare and other Tudor/Stuart era writers and was a big fan of Hemingway, his novels and movies. So I can’t seem to go past any of the Florida department stores spelled “Bealls” — but pronounced “Bells” — without thinking if soon the Bealls’ bells would toll for me. (Look it up if you are lost).
All that changed on a Tuesday last January. I became a Bealls belle.
I had met an online friend for a stroll in a nearby state park. He is what we would call an admirer but for me he is just a friend. I was wearing conservative capri pants, sandals and a low-cut halter top. I liked him and I loved catching him glancing at my cleavage. But I digress.
Our time together came to an end. We gave each other an innocent kiss goodbye and I headed to my rented Florida home. It was still early afternoon and I had some time to kill. I didn’t want to waste a minute of being Linda. There is a shopping plaza on the way with both a Bealls and a Bealls Outlet store. A few days earlier I had seen a Bealls’ flyer featuring a sale on bathing suits with a particularly attractive bikini featured. That afternoon was my perfect opportunity to check it out. I was a bit grungy from a day of hiking and sitting in the sun but a mirror check showed that my makeup was holding up. In to the store I went.
Apparently Bealls is famous for putting articles on display at one price and to almost immediately start marking them down further. I found the bathing suit on a rack where this particular $35 bikini bottom and many others were slashed in price “50%, 60%, 70% or even 80%” but the latter two were a bit hard to find. Wow! My desired bikini bottom would be only $17.50. “Let’s check out the dresses while I am here,” I thought.
Those Mad Men dresses.
The dress department offered the same sale and same discounts. It took little time to pick out several dresses to try on, not only from the final clearance rack but also from the modest 30% mark downs. (Remember that style of dress from the 1960s with a tight fitted top and a slight A-line skirt? You see them a lot on the TV program Mad Men. Well they are back and I find that style really does wonders for the narrow-hipped t-girl.) The dresses I tried looked nice but I thought “Should I really be buying any more dresses?” At home I have about ten dresses to every one of my wife’s. I left the dresses on the fitting room rack and prepared to leave the store.
That’s when I saw the sign. “Today only: An Additional 50% off marked down clearance items.” Wow! My bikini would now be $8.75. My favourite dresses would have gone from a regular price of $60 to $15, another from $80 to $20. Who could resist those bargains? Not me.
Back through the store I went to pick up my new bathing suit (I don’t swim in it. I just like the tan line the bottom gives me) and two new dresses. Suddenly more and more dresses, blouses and golf outfits became attractive enough for a try on. I made another trip to the fitting room. It took me some time to figure out what I was going to buy and what I would leave. I decided to take only those items which offered the deepest discounts, adding a blouse and a golf outfit to my purchase pile.
The grand total with taxes: came to just over $70. The clerk offered the chance for more savings if I opened a Bealls account but I declined. I’ll keep that one-time opportunity for when I have some larger purchases. She then asked, diplomatically, if I was old enough for the senior discount. Oh yes, it’s Tuesday, another 10% off for seniors. I was going to pull out my ID when she said not to bother, she would take my word. Despite thinking my makeup must be worse than I thought I accepted her offer. That took my purchase down to just over $60, which I paid. As the clerk handed me the receipt she also handed me a $10 gift certificate to be used at a future date. I thought by the time I get out the door the purchases may be free but no, that was it.
When I got home, I showed off the purchases to my wife and generously gave her the gift certificate. I suggested we go back to Bealls that evening to get some things for her but she just shrugged and went back to watching Judge Judy. I think I caught a bit of a smirk on her face. I hoped the girls of FEM, the local Tri-Ess support group, will be more impressed with my dresses than she was.
Postscript: The bikini bottom gave me a great tan line by the time I left Florida.
The dresses: About a month after the shopping at Bealls we were having lunch at a Denny’s. The menu cover had a photo of a man and woman sitting in a lunch booth, looking lovingly at each other. The woman was wearing a light green dress with large white polka dots. “That’s my dress I bought at Bealls!” I exclaimed loud enough for people at nearby tables to hear.
“I thought so,” my wife whispered, “I was wondering if you were going to notice it.”
Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment
About the Author (Author Profile)
Canadian writer Linda Jensen is a long time contributor to TGForum. Before the days of the Internet Linda started her writing with the Transvestian newspaper. Her writing ranges from factual accounts of her adventures to fiction although frankly sometimes her real life adventures are stranger than the fiction. Linda is married to a loving partner who upon learning about Linda said, "she was part of you before I met you. Although I didn't know it she was part of the package I fell in love with. I don't want to mess up that package." "Does it get any better than that?" asks Linda.Subscribe
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It seems like you did very well with the sales items. It is funny how certain items have a way to work magic on us that have no effect on others.
Pat