Crossdressed Lover: I Like It!

By Linda Kaye

Several times over the last few weeks, partners of crossdressers have emailed me about their problems and concerns with their sexual relationship with their transgendered partner. This seems to be one of the most difficult areas for women to come to terms with. I’ve written several articles about sex with the transgendered partner, but I think it is time to admit to the fact that I flat out like it!

One of the most eye-opening programs I’ve ever attended was one on woman’s sexuality by Dr. Sandra Cole, well-known sexologist and Director of the Comprehensive Gender Services Program at the University of Michigan’s Medical Center. Sandra gave a clinical explanation to woman’s sexuality which was eye-opening and fascinating. To hear how a woman’s body reacts, and to be taught ways to increase arousal and extend satisfaction was a major learning step in my life. Her program emphasized the inner beauty of the woman, all the while teaching us how to use not only our bodies, but also our minds to find sexual satisfaction in our lives.

Her program only verified what I have long believed in — that as women, we are equally responsible for our own sexual satisfaction. If we believe in ourselves as beautiful and attractive, this energy is generated from within us to our partners.

For a woman to deal with her own sexuality is often a tough experience. Unfortunately, so many of us have been led to believe that a man’s sexual satisfaction is more important than a woman’s; how many of us have “faked” the orgasm in order to make the sexual encounter more satisfying for the male partner? How confusing this becomes when our partner wants to be a woman! This is unfair to both ourselves and our partners.

For me, sex has always been important. I went through one sexually unfulfilling marriage to a second marriage. At first, the sex was great, but as years passed, something went missing. This partner was also a crossdresser, and although I was totally supportive of his femme persona, as well as encouraging, I could never feel one iota of sexual attraction to that femme side. His fantasies were not mine, and although I would participate, it was done for him, and not for me. In fact, I was, at times, blatantly turned off by these fantasies and the sexual encounters with the femme side. Unfortunately, I didn’t try to express my own fantasies, and the relationship, at times, was one-sided. Also, unfortunately, the relationship eventually ended.

However, when I met my partner, Vanessa, it was the male persona to whom I made love to at first. It was the most exciting, fulfilling sex I had ever had. It was so good, in fact, that I dreaded the time when I would be faced with making love to the femme persona, Vanessa. That time came, and I remember sitting in the living room, while she dressed in the bedroom, and having a feeling of impending doom.

What a total shock when this vision came bopping out, absolutely electric with sexuality. I was astonished at the extent it aroused me, and the lovemaking was far beyond anything I had ever experienced in my life. At the time, I could not pinpoint what it was, but as I look back now, I believe it was that by Vanessa stepping out in complete trust, I, in turn, put my trust in her and just let myself go. It was fabulous.

From that point on, Vanessa became a vitally important partner in this relationship. She is free to be who she is at anytime (other than when we have my ex-partner’s child here), and if she doesn’t make an appearance, I miss her. The lovemaking is far more exciting when it is Vanessa, and if time permits, I am insatiable.

Weekends alone are the best, because we can make love constantly. The freedom of loving Vanessa and being loved by her, has opened up endless possibilities for continued sexual fulfillment. She encourages me to discover and live out my fantasies. Her trust in me opens my trust in her, and I’ve shared things with her that I have never told another human being. Fantasies which were so wild, that I hid them in guilt, are explored and lived out. If they work, we live them out again and again.

Although I have never had a lesbian encounter, nor do I ever intend to seek one, I nonetheless have the opportunity, through Vanessa, to explore fantasies. I admit to liking her breasts, and her shaved body — I enjoy the smoothness of it. I encouraged her to have her ears pierced, and find the dangly earrings a real turn-on. When she puts on a black, lace teddy I bought her for her birthday, with garters and stockings, it is an incredible turn-on. If she underdresses (wearing women’s lingerie under male clothes,) I think about it all day and imagine what the night might bring.

Sometimes, when she’s acting seductive, she’ll dance for me and I adore it. All it takes is Bonnie Raitt’s Let’s Give Them Something To Talk About, and I’m a basket case. That’s Vanessa’s theme song.

Recently, I corresponded with a wife who had been faced with once again trying to come to terms with her husband’s femme side. He had purged for more than five years, and had finally been unable to hold back his transgendered feelings. I encouraged this woman to explore her partner’s femme side with no pre-conceived ideas or prejudices. “Try it once,” I said, and she did. She wrote back, “It was the most wonderful lovemaking experience of my life.”

The sexual relationship with the femme side of my partner is exciting, fulfilling and the ultimate intimate experience in my life. In fact, the intimacy is profound, and it is based completely on trust in each other. The fear of rejection or mockery is gone for both of us. We can bare our souls, explore our minds and enjoy the physical satisfactions that such a relationship brings to us. If you are in a relationship with a crossdresser, don’t curse the situation. Give it a chance by opening your mind as well as your heart. You may end up counting your blessings.

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Tags: crossdressing, featured, partners, sex, spouses

Category: Transgender Body & Soul