Countdown to Ecstasy

First some photos of Lynda out and about in January. Then read about her feelings as she prepares for GRS.

As I am writing this column, I have 37 days left before my scheduled date for gender confirmations surgery aka GCS, aka bottom surgery. Am I excited about this milestone? You betcha! Usually I like to provide an update on my ever-changing approach to the never-ending search for romance and fun. However, my current approach to my social life would be best described as circling the wagons

Since I do not have a significant other, I will be crowd sourcing my moral support as I navigate my recovery. To give you an idea of how much said vaginoplasty will rock my world, I will be taking at least 5 and probably 6 weeks off from work. I haven’t had more than 2 weeks off for over 30 years. And this won’t exactly be a vacation. I’ll be hanging out at my bachelorette pad dilating while the rest of the world will be spinning at full speed. It’s time to stock up on DVDs and books to read as I spend 5 to 6 weeks in La La Land.

According to the informed consent form that I just signed there are plenty of things that can go wrong with this procedure, but I have complete faith in my surgeon. Certainly, I am hoping that my new vagina will have maximum depth and diameter and Incredible sensitivity. I will play the hand I am dealt, and at the end of the day the best thing about my new vagina will be that it is my very own vagina. There will be no more speculation on my part about how it feels to have a vagina, because I will have one. I promise I will take good care of it. I haven’t quite figured out what I am going to wish for when I blow out the candles at my next birthday party, but I have plenty of time to think about it. A trip to Paris? A tropical getaway? A new car? How about freedom from shaving every morning?

I am a very analytical person, so I have pondered this particular decision to transform a perfectly good penis into a vagina ad infinitum. Why am I signing up for this? The best answer I can give you is that having a penis just doesn’t fit my personality anymore. Like all the clothes and shoes that I have been donating lately, it just doesn’t work with my fashion tastes. I don’t think I will be engaging in any nostalgia about having a penis. I don’t remember ever taking a dick pic. Maybe I should take one now just for kicks. Maybe not. He’s a shadow of his former self.

The vast majority of transgender women never get an orchiectomy or vaginoplasty. And my meager sample size of random girlfriends suggest that the ladies who have not had vaginoplasty are every bit as happy as the ladies who have. And there is just no way to tell who’s who. Vaginoplasty is optional and unlike most other surgeries, it requires a lot of maintenance and upkeep. Your results may vary as they say.

I am struggling to capture an epiphany that explains my rationale for having GCS, It’s a desperate Hail Mary pass from the 50 yard line with time running out. I recently saw an article by Cade Hildreth that summarized the scientific evidence that demonstrates that that there is no such thing as the gender binary. Instead gender is a bimodal distribution of gender characteristics and traits that form a spectrum. As a child of the ‘50s, I faithfully embraced the concept of the gender binary. But the gender binary is not accurate. There are clusters of sexual characteristics that tend to be associated with people that we call female or male. Typically, men have penises and women have vaginas, but there’s all kinds of variation within our species. Great, just great. All my life I have held onto the belief that I should have breasts and a vagina, and swum upstream against the current to correct my gender dysphoria. Now the experts have blown my chain of logic based on the gender binary to smithereens. Oh no, how can I overcome this existential crisis? Clearly, my trans woman friends that have penises are happy. Am I simply doing this because I am bored? Because, vaginas are what all the fashionable girls are wearing this year? Is my aftermarket vagina simply my own Private Idaho?

Obviously, I am going to take very good care of myself to improve my level of customer satisfaction. It’s my own game of Truth or Dare, and I am going for the win.

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Tags: featured, GCS, neovagina, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul