Christine’s Journey — First Step

I have been asked to blog about my transition. The decision to blog has been difficult as I’ve always kept my personal life, well . . . personal, and to be honest, I was actually surprised and flattered, that someone feels I am interesting enough to blog about. Someone whom I admire and trust (Angela) believes otherwise.

At my stage in life (in my 50s), I understand that I’m well behind the curve to many others, either younger or more mature, who have already transitioned. Many of you have opened your hearts, lives, and experiences to myself and others.

Like many, my journey began a long time ago somewhere between 3 and 5 years old, when I felt I should be someone else. Fast forward, through 29 years of marriage, 2 children ( daughter 27, and son 14 ), and divorce, I was at a crossroads.

The March 2014 Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, PA, was my first Transgender Conference of any kind. It changed my life. I went to Keystone not knowing exactly where I was going. I left the conference, still uncertain of my destination, but realizing that I did need assistance in getting there.

Shortly thereafter I started therapy at the Mazzoni Center in Philadelphia. I had been taking hormones on/off for the previous 5-6 years, obtained from an on-line overseas pharmacy (not smart I realize), using the Internet as my guide to self-medicating. The Mazzoni Center allows me to do it right, under a doctor’s care.

When I started therapy I could not envision telling my kids or any family member about me. I basically set a 2 year timetable “to make a decision” (some commitment, huh ?)

Christine dancing at Angela’s Laptop Lounge.

In the meantime, I did have some goals. One was to have tracheal surgery to reduce my Adam’s Apple (a lifelong dream) . I attended other conferences, such as Southern Comfort (Atlanta), and Erie (PA) Sisters. I also made a point of getting together more often with other Transgender friends in the Philadelphia area and around the country, not only for enjoyment (girls just wanna have fun, right?), but to make the best of every opportunity to discover more about myself and to grow.

My 25 years in sales has allowed me to travel all over the U.S. Going ‘out’ was never a concern anywhere, but locally. My separation and divorce allowed me to finally get out in the Philadelphia and nearby areas. I have met so many friends who are a tremendous support.

I do feel my divorce was not about being Transgender. My ex knew I crossdressed over 15 years ago. She had discovered some emails with friends (she thought I was cheating on her), so I came out. The last 5-6 years we never really talked about ‘me,’ in fact, we rarely talked at all unless we were fighting. So it was time.

By January 2015, I had come out to my children. They have said they support me and are trying, but it’s not easy for them, or for me at times. Just recently I’ve come out to men I’ve known for a very long time: a co-worker (a staff VP), and two childhood friends. All have been receptive, warm, and comforting (with a joke or two thrown in for good measure).

After this year’s Keystone, I decided I was not going back to the conference in 2016 living a “dual life.” My 2 year “timeframe to set a timeframe” was revised. My therapist is amazed at the difference between ‘then,’ and ‘now.’ By March of 2016, friends, family, work. . . my life will never be the same. That’s my plan.

So to quote Yoda, “Blog I Will.” The highs and lows, the laughter and sorrow, the challenges and successes. Each of our individual stories are unique, yet there are so many common threads. Whether one chooses to crossdress only, or go further, or has undergone SRS, I think we all experience, fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD as a friend calls it), in our personal and professional lives.

So there’s a lot to do, much to learn, to endure and to conquer. I will do my best to share my thoughts and journey. I hope it can be helpful.

Love

Christine

Tags: featured, Transgender, Transition, Transsexual

Category: Transgender Body & Soul