Am I Really a Crossdresser?

Pauline

Am I really a crossdresser?

Am I Bi-Gendered or Not?

I don’t know how many girls feel this way but sometimes I have doubts about crossdressing. I enjoy going out dressed, perhaps to a restaurant ,or the movies or such other entertainment. I have a pretty well stacked closet which I have acquired over the years and am very happy with. However there are many things I do while dressed as Paul that I do quite happily.

As I previously stated in one of my blogs my wife and I have an agreement that she gets to share Paul and Pauline. The arrangement allows three days of Paul and three days of Pauline. However, while I am willing to go anywhere en-femme, it doesn’t always work out that way. We usually agree on the merits of going dressed or not and Pauline doesn’t always get an even share. Although Gail has to bully me to buy clothes for Paul.

All her family know I dress, but not all of mine know about me. I have three sons each with a partner and there are four grand children and a new entry in the form of my granddaughter’s new husband. Officially only my eldest and his partner know that I dress. I suspect that more actually know. I assume they don’t  want to ask about it in case they find it is true and wouldn’t know how to handle it.

I live in a gated community that has no gates, just an un-manned gate house. I go out dressed in the community a lot. So far no one has openly said anything negative. Whatever they say in the privacy of there own home I will never know. Neither do I care.

An Amusing Little Anecdote

One afternoon, Just a short time after we had moved in, I dressed en-femme to go out. I was on my own. I must add here that I live on a narrow dead end street. It is hard for two cars to pass. As I pulled out of my driveway, car nose first, my neighbor opposite who was looking in the trunk of her car, looked up. She had met Paul and Gail but not Pauline. She saw a person driving the car that looked like Paul but was dressed as a female. When the penny dropped the expression on her face was priceless. Later we all spoke about it and we all thought it was very funny.

There is a trans organization in Toronto where I made some very good personal friends. Through these friendships we have formed a small informal group of gals who tend to hang out together. We often go out dressed as a group or just one or two together. Some of us are going to see Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody this weekend, followed by dinner at a nearby restaurant. To follow up on  something I said previously, we try to avoid an obvious crowd. This is helped as a rule by some female partners who come with us who inadvertently act as a foil.

So in summary, we dress when we can but many times life gets in the way. The actual act of dressing takes up time. One of my friends has gone a long way in the area of hair removal. So when she gets up in the morning it is relatively easy for her — she just needs to wash herself do a little makeup put on a dress and bingo she is in a femme mode. For the rest of us we have to shave and possibly hide the five o-clock shadow, a shower might be in order as well.

On a typical day, Gail or I have functions to complete. Medical appointments, car to service, visit family, items which will include other people who are not aware I dress. Finding a day with literally nothing to do is somewhat rare. I don’t know how I found time to earn a living.

So what is my point? Is it true to assume that if I was fully committed to the female genre I would dress full time? Of course this would mean accepting all the problems that go with it. All of my family would get to know, which may or not  be a problem. Everyone else, who is in our immediate circle,  would know.( My doctor knows but has only seen photos.) Then of course include the general public with whom one comes in contact on a daily basis. There would be a real mix of reactions both positive and negative. Most of which would be totally unpredictable.

This would take a lot of courage. Particularly if you have a partner who would then become  subject to all the fall-out that would go with this. If your partner is okay with it, terrific! I would suggest however, there aren’t many who would be. This is where my guilt comes in. If I don’t dress for a short period of time I start to get this quite strong urge to dress again which If circumstances allow I go and take advantage of my urge. Is this approach common one and do any of you feel the same way?

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Tags: crossdressing, featured, Identity, partners

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