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A T-Girl, An Admirer and His Wife: Is Three a Crowd?

| Apr 4, 2016
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[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

For the last two contributions I have been recounting the exchange of e-mails one crossdresser had with the wife of an ‘admirer.’ The exchanges started out of the blue one December morning when our friend received the following message:

Subject: Message from Stan’s wife
Hopefully you have enough room for Stan at your place . I am sure your spouse does not mind sharing . I do. Stan will need a place to stay. I am not interested in sharing sex. you can deal with his sexual wandering . I am over it. You can take the risk for STDs I am not interested.

At the time our friend had not been to bed with Stan but it is fair to say it was likely to happen the next time they met for dinner.

Forewarned is forearmed. Did our girl back off? Hardly. She and the wife we are calling Susan began a sometimes provocative exchange of messages and in the process looking at the t-girl/admirer/admirer’s wife triangle from several different angles.

Fast forward to the last reported message: our girl suggested Susan, the wife, might want to cut Stan some slack. The sexual markers that create his interest in t-girls were formed in him way before he met Susan and just as many crossdressers gain their interest in women’s apparel at an early age accompanied by sexual arousal so might the interest by Stan and fellow admirers be something that had come early in life and not totally in their control.

I did not report part of that last message from our friend. She made the additional point that there were different ways of attacking the same issue. While Susan wanted to toss out her husband another woman was taking another approach:

Post script: About the same time you first wrote to me I got a message from a woman responding to an ad I have on Craig’s List where I’m seeking to play with couples.  It seems her husband/partner had confessed to her a desire to be intimate with a crossdresser and that the two of them should do it together. So she was making contact to see if we could make it happen. We continue to exchange messages where she elaborates on different scenarios for how we will get together and how she will feel seeing her man with me. She expects him to get really turned on and she expects that will turn her on, too. I don’t know what to expect. Having a man sexually interested in crossdressers is probably not her first choice in life but when life handed her this lemon she is not wasting any time making lemonade.

This is not to suggest where you should go. It is just to point out that there are different ways of looking at the same problem and different people come up with different strategies.

WTF, I thought when I read that. Did she really come across someone looking to join her husband’s romps? Is this another Craig’s List fantasy player, or is she floating a balloon to see if Susan is game? I’m glad I did not have to wait to read Susan’s reply.

She wrote:

Thank you for your insight. This is not about Transgenders in particular. When I see a human in the trauma room fighting for life I understand that we all struggle to survive this short time on earth, in our own way. I applaud your honesty, bravery grace with your spouse. Stan did hide his sexual interest in crossdressers. They were described as friends. Initially I accepted that. As for the couple you mentioned I admire their ability to fulfill his fantasy TOGETHER. I love sex. Had I been invited to the party things could be very different. I tried to get Stan to include me. I may have enjoyed a variation. He really doesn’t know as much about me as he thinks he does. Alas, to find out if a person is interested in a concept one must ask. Instead things were handled in a cowardly fashion. Either he was not excited by my inclusion or he didn’t have the balls to try. Instead it was all lies, denials and deceptions throughout the relationship. Possibly, his turn on is getting away with something

WOW! Was she willing to play? He didn’t see it? Or is she just re-writing history? Taking her at her word I think Stan missed a golden opportunity. Having enjoyed the company of several couples, well perhaps many couples, I can say that these are often enjoyable affairs. The couple has worked out their limits and they tend to complement each other. They enjoy each other’s enjoyment.

It seems our girl felt the same way as she changed the thread’s subject line.

You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Till it’s Gone

This reminds me of a story I heard a few years ago. It seems a crossdresser in boy mode was dating a woman he really liked. However the guilt over his dressing prevented him from telling her and he broke off the relationship. A while later he, in girl mode, met his old girlfriend at a drag bar. She was there with another crossdresser, her new husband.  You don’t know what you’ve got ‘till its gone.

But I don’t want to get him deeper in trouble than he is but here is the way Stan was writing to me just over two years ago. (Oct 2013)

“Hi xxx,

It’s Stan from Florida. When are you returning to our fair State? I got married. I was hoping you’d like to finally meet. If you wanted, I believe my wife would like to meet you.

Stan”

Too bad he couldn’t get the nerve to tell you that.

Perhaps we could have that meeting now with or without him.

Xxx

Our friend actually hit on the woman who accused her of breaking up a marriage? A reply was quick:

Your letter makes me very…….sad. I love Stan very much. The trouble is when you are not invited to the party your imagination takes over. I would rather be introduced to variety than to be routinely serviced sexually as the available vanilla version. When I found out about your meeting he said it was for me. By then there had been so many lies that nothing was believable. The next day I found that he had a date set up while he was out of town. Naturally that sent me over the edge. When you marry someone you are supposed to be able to feel safe, that requires trust. Lies, denies and alibies do not build trust. After we were married  and I found out that he had liaisons with TG’s I stayed with him. I suggested different sexual adventures. He declined. I suppose I was not on the right track. I found out about several suggestive conversations.  I begged for the truth. Again lies denies and alibies. I really wanted to be a part of the entertainment. I wanted to be his partner in play. I am sad for both of us. My family adored him. At our ages we should have it made as I once thought we did.

Thank you for your honesty.

Susan

Perhaps we could meet.

What followed was an exchange of several messages each way where the two tried to work out a time and place to meet.  Apparently the meeting did not happen. But near the end of the exchange it got interesting again. Our friend wrote:

By the way should I read anything in to the fact that now that your ‘ex’ is on his own he has not tried to contact me?

Susan replied:

We can meet if you wish. I am not sure why Stan has not contacted you. Early on he mentioned that you forwarded him our correspondences.  I was not concerned about it. I know he is out and about in the tg community. However I have not discussed our discourse. I guess I assumed he and you continued to communicate. Certainly feel free to reinitiate contact. On my part I have nothing to hide. I would not want to interfere in your relationship at this point.

Relationship? What relationship? So far I had not read anything suggesting that our friend and Stan had even had their promised lunch. Now Susan seems to be pushing the two together. But wait, as they say, there’s more. In the rapid exchange of messages I found this gem from Susan.

You have been honest up front about your interest in me as a study of a different perspective. I find your outlook on life to be interesting and value the learning experience. I do not object to you communicating with both of us.  After all when I confronted Stan he maintained that was going to meet with you in hopes that you could help us. While I was trying to wrap my head around that I became aware of the New York liaison.  Maybe things could have been different.

 Although Stan has always (been) very interested having sex with me. It is obvious that Stan is not interested in sharing his varied sexual interests with me.

 He is currently cruising the local bar scene. By the way these are clubs that I have been in with him many times. Notably when we are in them together he appears to be reserved and disinterested in his surroundings.

I believe that although Stan clearly wants to maintain a personal relationship with a woman. Stan will never share his true self with any woman. This saddens me deeply.  As for the safe sex issue Stan prefers to smoke and drink during bar runs.  As a result he is not engaging, safe anything never mind sex. 

Stan has enjoyed a great relationship with my children. My grandchildren accepted him as a grandpa and he reveled in that role. I find the whole situation to be sad it could have been so much more. We have been seeing each other 10 years. As you age it is family that sees you through. Old age is indeed a lonely road alone. Stan was here briefly to pick up the remainder of his effects. He looked very sad and was most humble.

I admit to that it is wrong to lash out at others because of Stan’s choices. 

 I have forwarded relatively recent pictures of Susan and Stan.

I would love to see a picture of you for perspective.

Readers: I know you would like to see the photos of Susan and Stan. I would like to show them but I just do not have their permission to display. Suffice it to say that they could be almost any 50-something year old couple. Naturally if you met them under any circumstances you would not say that is a ‘tranny chaser and his troubled wife’.

My friend replied:

I like your pictures. I’m on a different computer than the one with my photos but here are some through a link to my current ad on Craig’s List. (Too bad. I tried the link but it said the ad had been deleted by the author- Linda).       I think this is the ad Stan saw and got back in touch with me.  Look quickly as I will be taking it down in the next few days.

That was an interesting comment about his detached behavior when you are around with him at T-clubs. Was he embarrassed by his interest in the ‘girls’? Was he torn between wanting a three-way and not wanting to share you with others? Was he afraid to start chatting with an old friend that you didn’t know about?

Perhaps we’ll never know.

I also found it interesting that Stan would take Susan to the environment of his trysts with t-girls but once there would not let his two worlds mix. In a way I am not surprised. I keep my two worlds apart. But he was bringing Susan to the brink of meeting his other friends and then it seems he was drawing back.

  • Did he want Susan as part of his sex life with t-girls but find it too difficult to make an introduction? I can see that. How would he say ‘honey, this is Sasha. She gives very good BJ’s and has a penis to die for’?
  • Did he bring Susan to the clubs in a futile attempt to prove to her he did not have any interest in us girls other than platonic friendship?
  • Did he want Susan there but at the same time not want to share her with others? After all she was HIS wife.
  • Did he…. ? Do you readers have any other ideas about Stan’s Jekyll and ‘Hide’ (pun intended) attitude?

Is there something to the idea that part of the thrill of ‘chasing’ t-girls just as for some part of the thrill of crossdressing itself is that we, crossdressers and chasers alike, are doing something in our lives that very few others know about. Some of us like that we have a secret interest.   Others are only too willing to be way out there.  Interesting.

But again I digress too much. Next time I think I will be bringing this series to a conclusion as the exchange of messages will show Susan encouraging our friend to date her now ex-husband then hitting her with a verbal whammy when the date finally happens.


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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fun & Entertainment

Linda Jensen

About the Author ()

Canadian writer Linda Jensen is a long time contributor to TGForum. Before the days of the Internet Linda started her writing with the Transvestian newspaper. Her writing ranges from factual accounts of her adventures to fiction although frankly sometimes her real life adventures are stranger than the fiction. Linda is married to a loving partner who upon learning about Linda said, "she was part of you before I met you. Although I didn't know it she was part of the package I fell in love with. I don't want to mess up that package." "Does it get any better than that?" asks Linda.

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