You ask, we answer.

That’s the beauty of this new TGForum format. Someone like Allison or myself posts some thoughts, other readers, like MelissaK, and Linda J chime in, and we’re well on our way to a discussion. And even better, if someone asks a question about the original post, the author can answer, and so can everyone else!

So, with that, Rosemay asked about going out. Here’s my advice:

1. Find your local TG support group. They may be organizing an outing for Halloween. And if you’re going out for the first time, there’s safety and security in numbers. Find them by going to the TGForum Resource page, or do a web search on your city+transgender.

2. Say you don’t have a local support group, or can’t get ahold of them for whatever reason.  Or you can’t travel to the closet one. Find a gay bar in your community. Don’t know of one? Again, a web search of your city+gay will most likely turn up a GLBT friendly establishment or a GLBT support group.

Generally speaking, you’re probably not going to run into a lot of opposition at a gay bar on Halloween. And you’re more likely to meet other crossdressers there, whether they’re gay or not. And besides, the gay bars typically have the best costumes, so even if you end up sitting alone, you’re going to be entertained just watching people.

But, if you do see another crossdresser, reach out, introduce yourself. Make a friend. (That’s how I met my friend Stef, and got roped into this TGForum thing.)

3. Find a straight bar with a costume contest. And go. Be aware though that most places, gay or straight, are going to observe Halloween this Saturday night.  And not every establishment is going to have a costume party. So, check ahead of time who’s having costumes, and when. That way, you won’t be the only person dressed outlandishly on Tuesday night.

More advice on straight bars: You can go somewhere familiar, but if you’re in the closet, your secret may be out. It might be best to camp it up a bit; Go over the top. If you just show up dressed like a woman, and your look immaculate, folks are going to know you do this year-round. (Of course, that may be a good way to begin the coming out process.) If you’d rather keep your secrets, go considerably less-than-perfect. Make a joke out of it. Keep your facial hair. Dress as “Miss White Trash”. Make it funny.

If you go somewhere you’re not familiar with, you’re taking a chance: last thing you want to do is to walk into a biker bar that’s not having a costume party, while dressed as a hooker. Know where you’re going.

Go with straight friends: Again, there’s safety in numbers.

Don’t drink and drive. Last thing you need is to spend a night in the drunk tank en femme, and you can’t outrun Motorola.

Yes, there are dangers connected to going out. But there’s danger all around us, no matter what you’re wearing. You could get hit by a garbage truck while at work. You could choke on a swizzle stick you forgot to remove from your morning coffee. Don’t let fear paralyze you. Just be smart about it.

The photo from above was taken in a straight bar in Omaha a few years ago. The most memorable Halloweens I’ve experienced were in straight bars. And if I can do it, so can you.

Category: All TGForum Posts