Weak or Strong?
Nikki Nicole
How do you classify yourself? Are you weak or strong? Based on what information do you draw that conclusion? Why do I ask and why do I care? We’re weak at times and strong at others. This isn’t about momentary bouts of weakness or gender-assigned weaknesses. This is about portrayal and perception and how we either encourage or discourage portrayals and perceptions.
Let’s consider terms that are applied to crossdressers and transgenders that are less than flattering. In fact certain terms, handles, descriptors and monikers can be down right insulting. I know that I may be treading upon thin ice with this post but I’m going to venture out onto the frozen lake and chance that the ice will hold my weight.
The term “sissy” seems to be a mainstay, a standard menu item, a moniker that has adhered to our type. Webster defines “sissy” as: a) an effeminate boy or man; b) a timid or cowardly person or c) a little girl. Based on the definition (definitions may be overrated) are we weak? I will say that it’s not consonant to be accused of weakness when we are strong enough to admit who we are and to practice who we are, whether on a regular or occasional basis.
Am I wrong? I know many of you. You are strong and your strength defines your character. In fact, your strength makes those around you stronger. We leverage strength and fortitude for our collective benefit. So why use a derogatory term to describe yourself when by your actions such a term could not be farther from the truth?
To take this full circle we can agree that in another context “Sissy” is a name. We all know at least one famous actress with that given name. It is also a fleshed out version of “Sis.”
Look, we all have “sissy” moments. I experienced them approximately a year ago when I vacillated about whether to come out or continue to hide. Yes I was a “sissy” then. I will premise that since coming out, braving the turbulence of being in public enables me to forget those “sissy” moments. I don’t consider myself one of those who fears unjustifiably. Every one of us who braved the societal elements to be who we are, to disregard the pitfalls of crossdressing are no more sissies than a chicken is a rooster.
Yes, I understand that the “sissy” thing is tied to erotic fantasies and submissiveness. I do worry (maybe worry is a strong word) that we paint ourselves with unflattering graffiti and place ourselves low on the totem pole, last in the pecking order — classifying ourselves as something below other humans. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. This is your life as certainly as day follows night. I’m expressing an opinion about perception and reality.
By putting ourselves in a compromising position we risk being permanently labeled in a way that does not benefit us, any of us. You are beginning to sense where this is going. What we do, how we act, what we say, impacts not only you but all of us. Adversity comes from many directions and it arrives sometimes unexpectedly. I’d suggest that we not encourage it to come around or to stick around any longer than necessary. And I would dissuade anyone from inviting adversity to share your life — be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!
Take my words for what they are worth. Maybe I’m stirring the pot. The pot needs stirring from time to time. If my words engender a snippet of reflection then the expenditure of cyber ink was worth the effort.
Love and hugs,
Nikki
Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion
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Active member of the unconventional girl community; I love to write -- check out my Facebook page! I am usually out and about on weekends with girlfriends and almost regularly once a week on a weeknight.Subscribe
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Let me add some confusion. If you consider that recent science has identified up to 72 distinct gender manifestations by brain MRIs, then it is conceivable that the spectrum of the Transgender community is wider than we think.
I was told by an analyst of the TG community that one can identify some individuals as “sissy boys”. Not a flattering label, but it deals with one extreme end of the spectrum: that is, men who feel the need to wear feminine clothing (often against their will in a cuckold scene or other role play) and yet retain their male persona from the neck up. Their psychodrama includes acting weak and cowering at the commands of an Alpha Woman.
I don’t play a psychologist on TV, and I didn’t sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night! But this manifestation happens rarely in scene play, but it does exist.
I have met such an individual; I have also met Trans-Women who are strong and courageous. Mara Keisling comes to mind–she’s my heroine!
Michelle
“By putting ourselves in a compromising position we risk being permanently labelled in a way that does not benefit … any of us. What we do, how we act, what we say, impacts not only you but all of us.”
Frankly, from where I sit as an “out” crossdresser, it’s more about what we DON’T do, act, or say.
The overwhelming majority of transgendered people are in stealth or closeted – that much is certain. Most transsexuals – understandably – want to disappear into “normal” society as members of their new sex. However, most crossdressers cower in their closet-made-for-one for fear of what their friends, family, employer, landlord, etc. will say or do. Although based on little more than hearsay, I’ve watched “horror stories” circulate within crossdressing groups, being exaggerated with each telling, to the point where everyone’s now become so paranoid about their security that it’s completely paralysed our struggle for even basic equality. I’m disgusted by the fact that most closet crossdressers won’t even SUPPORT the few of us that are out there trying to change the status quo. Support costs nothing … it won’t endanger anyone’s anonymity, and it would be good for everyone to know that we’re all in it together, and working towards the day when crimes against transpeople – whether name-calling or murder – are taken seriously.
You ask whether we’re weak or strong? A few of us are strong. The rest are cowards.
Thanks Joanie for your insights, they delineate many of the concerns about society generally and our sometimes fragile world. I am glad you stopped by to share you opinion. I hope to hear from you in future posts.
Nikki, I am the type who enjoys it when someone is “capable of stirring the pot”, it indicates to me that “thinking” is taking place. Though I’m a little offended, that you should have to fear that others might be offended. A persons opinion is just that “their opinion” it’s not like your shooting up a school yard or military base. You have a right to it and in a time where “freedom” of speach is important saying what you believe shoul carry weight regardless if some agree or don’t agree. Treading lightly around so as to not offend with commonly used words s a practice that allows others feelings to have more rights then yours. I understand having empathy for others and being cautious that our words do not insight others to do harm. But, sometimes things need to be talked about openly and honestly, it’s how we move forward.
In our transgender world, woven with as many differences as their are individuals, mass perception is a constant and subjective thing. What a person does is their business with some caveat. I can’t tell you what looks good or what doesn’t, but or society does. And as such a classing of innocent bystanders occurs. And this is I think the wrong you are trying to mention, or at least the perception of the individual that is wrong.
For almost ever society has pleased stigma on that which it sees as a negative to it’s culture, and each culture is different. So different that wars have been fought over the clashes. We hopefully are moving in a direction that is far more consider ant of others, the tolerance, and allowance of society’s individuals to fray from the norm has never been so prominant, the individual is becoming more self defining and people are realizing that unique or different is an asset. We are moving forward, we are making mistakes, we are fixing wrongs and wrongly fixing rights. But who is to say even this is correct? As we have no idea why we are here I the first place other then religious and non religious speculations. The main concerns I have are two and they conflicts with each other Social perceptions limit the growth of the individual. Individual actions can limit the prosperity of a society or a group. Finding that balance where all achieve has been a constant struggle for all times.
Chelle, thanks for your comment.
So true, time heals most wounds or at least helps to cover up the scar. But perpetuating negativity does nothing to advance the cause for broad and deep acceptance. Hope is for victims. Do we really want to be victims of self-inflicted wounds?
I don’t think it’s acceptable to be used but I keep my mouth quiet since I think with each generation and we become more educated it’s losing its power and probably in a 100 years it’ll be relegated to insults such as stupid or dumb. When the words stupid and dumb came out it was an insult that could get you shot at, now people just look at you weird.