Under the Makeup
Here’s an idea I’ve been contemplating for a while: inner and outer femininity.
I had a Facebook “friend” request a couple of years ago from someone who simply wanted to bash me publicly (Yes, such horrid creatures do exist). Among other things, she accused me of being a full time crossdresser and declaring there’s a lot more to being a woman than hair, makeup and clothes.
She was absolutely right. Terribly rude, but absolutely right. I can’t claim I don’t enjoy these outward markers of the person I always knew I was inside—especially after half a century of being denied them, I truly do embrace them. Yet there’s a lot more to my womanhood than these things.
Some wise person said gender is about what’s between your ears, not what’s between your legs. That’s the truth. The inner core of my being and the way I feel most confident and comfortable interacting with the world is as a female.
I used to think I did a pretty good job of hiding my true self from the world, but I’ve since learned I was a miserable failure. So many people said they wondered why I seemed to be sad all the time or why I was hiding behind an invisible wall. They delighted in Claire’s emergence almost as much as I did. A lot more changed than clothing and hair. I realize my inner strength is entirely feminine, loving, nurturing and compassionate. That is the essence of who I am. That is the person I finally allowed to live in the world.
As I further reflect on this, I realize that one of the moments when I feel most feminine is when I’m shedding the outward markers of it: freeing my breasts from the confinement of a bra; releasing my earlobes from the weight of earrings; the muted rainbow swirl left on my makeup removal wipe.
I’m whole. I’m finally whole at least. I’m grateful that so many people have understood and embraced my transition. But I know I’ll always have the love and support of the person who matters most: me.
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Category: Transgender Body & Soul
About the Author (Author Profile)
Claire Hall was born and grew up in a large city on the left coast and has spent most of her adult years in a beautiful small coastal community where she's now an elected official in local government after spending many years as a newspaper and radio reporter. In her space time she loves reading, writing fiction (her first novel was published by a regional press a couple of years ago), watching classic Hollywood movies, and walking.Subscribe
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