Transgender Support: Found

On August 18, 2014 on TGForum I asked the question “Whatever Happened to Transgender Support Groups and Conventions?” I am starting to get some answers. They have evolved with our newly found freedom.

The newsletter of The Renaissance Education Associate, Inc.

Many of the ‘70s and ‘80s style support groups used to be fear-driven. People would travel hundreds of miles on weekends to stay in hotels to stay at, or near, meeting sites. They traveled long distances, in part, so that no one from their home towns who knew them would see them crossdressed. The hotels were accommodating because they were usually empty during weekends with no business travelers staying over. The participants would transform themselves in their hotel rooms and go downstairs to a meeting room without going outside. Some groups met in a church where they could transform in Sunday school rooms and meet in social halls. The meetings met the need for information which was in short supply at the time. They provided lectures and demonstrations. After the meetings, some daring souls under the cover of darkness and counting on strength in numbers, would go out to nightspots where trans people were tolerated. The hallmarks of these groups were security and education. They acted as if they were protecting top secret information and there were real dangers to careers and reputations from exposure. Most all of the principal participants were trans women, not trans men.

In some of the more restrictive groups, trans women would take their wives on support group trips and the wives participated in support group operations. In these groups, trans women were required to be heterosexual and crossdressing had to involve a trans woman’s spouse. These policies were aimed at dealing with the fear of the wives that they would lose their husbands to other people or, worse, to transsexual transition.

Conventions were equally fear-driven and included many of the security procedures and activities involved in support groups. The conventions were cloistered in hotels although there were a few excursions, again, usually under cover of darkness. They did offer the opportunity to crossdress full time for more than a weekend.

There are still a few classic support groups and conventions in operation but they have literally evolved as in “survival of the fittest” social evolution. The main problem with support groups was that as soon as a person attended several meetings and lost some of their fear, they did not need the support group anymore. They could just go hang out in accommodating bars, usually gay bars. They had gotten the information that they needed and determined that they no longer needed to feel guilty and some of their fear subsided. Membership dwindled. Only the diehards would continue for the sake of the newbies who would arrive at meetings wide-eyed with fear as unguided missiles. In order to stay together, they undertook the organizing and running of conventions which in several cases killed the groups financially. Although transgender people come equipped with a genetic gender behavior predisposition they do not necessarily come equipped with the business skills to run a successful convention.

The TGForum logo.

Then came the Internet. The Internet provided several things that the support groups had previously provided although social contact was still needed. Information on being transgender became readily available on the web. Some of it was wrong, of course, so social interaction was still necessary to confirm or reject what they had learned and for reality-testing. Impersonal means for acquiring the items needed for their gender presentations was available. No more snickering salespeople or store detectives to deal with or worse yet, groups of teenage girls who would spot a transgender person and follow them through the mall. (This actually happened to me; I was tailed by a group of giggling girls in a mall near Detroit.) Insecure and learning about gender presentation themselves, the girls were quick to read transgender people. Chat rooms and Yahoo groups provided some of the social interaction.

The restrictive groups still follow the same scripts but some are coming unraveled. One leader told me that she now allowed transsexuals and did not really care about sexual orientation or participation of wives. Some in these groups still travel long distances to go to meetings but meet en femme along the way with friends they know.

The new breed of support group is different in many ways. They still provide the social interaction and reality testing that transpeople need and provide a modicum of security but other than that, things are different. The lectures and transgender technology presentations are pretty much gone. What remains are discussion groups in private and meetups in public restaurants and other places.

Discussion groups allow people to ask questions to clarify information and to identify good places to go to obtain needed services and products. Newbies are given sympathy but now can rely on experienced transgender people to provide examples of how they addressed similar problems or got through difficulties. The experienced transgender people become models who by their presence illustrate that problems can be solved. In some of my groups, mental health professionals attend, not to give therapy, but as a form of advertising, to keep up with what is happening among transgender people, and acquire local knowledge for their patients.

A big difference now for support groups is that they hold events that are strictly social and some of them are for children and teens. Yes, Virginia, we are finally paying attention to children who know they are transgender and who need to interact socially with their peers. They need social contact, just as other people their age do to learn about people and make friendships. Some have trouble finding accepting friends at school and in their neighborhoods. At some monthly support groups, the young people and their parents have the opportunity to meet separately. At one of the groups I attend and help lead, we frequently divide into two or three groups for part of a meeting — transgender kids, older transgender people and SOFFA’s (significant others, family, friends, and allies) to allow freer discussion. And there are picnics and other events for young people. I am told that they have their own Internet networks.

A Meetup group in the Philadelphia area.

And then there are transgender meetups which are get-togethers over dinner that are open to transgender people who register and RSVP on the meetup website. The only reason that they must register is that the organizers need to make reservations at the grateful restaurants. Groups just take over the restaurants. So far, (fingers crossed) I have not met with any harassment at such meetings. They are generally held ITP (inside the Atlanta perimeter beltway) rather than OTP (outside the perimeter) because transgender tolerance drops off rapidly OTP in rural areas.

Some of the meetups are experimenting with other events. Things like bonfires and pool parties, happy hours, and dance meetups. (Actually, tonight in Atlanta, they are holding their swing dance meeting.)

My social calendar is usually full here in Atlanta. In addition to frequent support groups and meetups, I have lunches with “some of the girls” every Wednesdays organized by my best friend. One of these was held in a restaurant near the police training range but the police behaved themselves as we girls had lunch sitting next to them. (There were no arrests for crossdressing.)  I also go to a lesbian meetup which now has spinoffs such as coffees and cocktail parties. I go to meetings and weekend classes of WIFTA — Women in Film and Television in Atlanta. (With some trepidation, before I joined, I asked whether they admitted trans women which met with a resounding “H#*L Yes!) I have taken their script writing classes, a couple of improv lessons and gone to several mixers. And then there are trans meetings and LGBT meetups that I see advertised that I have never attended because I simply do not have the time.

One of the support groups I attend and help lead was started by a church in a religion that does not particularly accept transgender people but the local church detected a need in their community and they just started it. I went to the first monthly meeting to see what it was about and 65 people showed up. We are now down to about 20-30 people per meeting but we meet more frequently, now fortnightly. The more frequent meetings are because, as we polled the attendees and they did not like having to miss a session and not be in touch for as long as two months. All types of people including trans men, trans girls, trans boys, gender non-conforming people, gender queer, questioning, transsexuals, and SOFFAs show up. Recently I helped lead a subgroup of kids 9-13 who were mostly trans boys.

Several transgender conventions are thriving. In particular, Gender Odyssey in Seattle which is the largest and usually meets in the huge Washington State Convention Center.  It has a professional pre-meeting, a day camp for kids which takes over a wing of the center and is now starting a spinoff meeting in Los Angeles. They still have workshops which are well attended; my workshop had over 150 people. Some other conventions are still going strong notably First Event in Boston and Keystone in Pennsylvania, where I just gave a presentation. And Esprit will have just concluded when this is published. It has been there for 20 years in, of all places, Port Angeles, Washington. It has morphed into more of a vacation destination than a traditional convention, taking advantage of the vacation facilities on the beautiful Olympic Peninsula. I have always wanted to go to Esprit so I could catch the ferry to Victoria, B.C., Canada where one is expected to dress for a proper English tea in one of the hotels and where I want to go to raid the transgender library there. Elsewhere, serious meetings have grown up specializing in transgender health, legal issues, and advocacy.

One trend to watch is the “vacation gathering” which is the antithesis of a convention. Gatherings like Diva Las Vegas have now evolved to become vacation meetings, with no convention fees, hotel cloistering and minimum infrastructure. No workshops or lectures only a few set public meetings to ensure that people get to meet each other. The rest of the time they are on their own.

So, what has happened to support groups and conventions? They have evolved away from the emphasis on education because information on being transgender is readily available. Humans are gregarious by nature; most people crave it. As we have begun to exercise our freedoms and become more visible, support groups are evolving to meet our continuing need for social contact with other transgender people.

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Tags: featured, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion